attracted to but deeply repulsed by guys at the same time

i dont understand it myself tbh but basically what the title says - i just want to know if anyone else feels or has felt like this before and how you deal with such thoughts? (also posting anonymously bc this is very embarrassing for me to admit, let alone talk about).

for context, im 19f and very attracted to guys (and maybe girls? more on that later) but can no longer stand the thought of actually being sexually intimate with one ever. for context i have not had any sexual experience in the past with any guys nor been in a *real* relationship with one, but i have always known that i am strongly attracted to guys and desired a romantic and sexual relationship with one. until quite recently, when the thought of what ACTUALLY occurs during intercourse randomly struck me as absolutely repulsive - since then i have been unable to stomach the thought of ever being in a relationship with a man if it means i would have to do such a thing with him (although at the same time i really want to have my own biological kids??). however although i have never had a real wlw crush and am unsure of my true feelings towards girls, i know that the thought of being sexually intimate with a girl does not repulse me - in fact it excites me if im being honest and over the past couple years i have sometimes fantasised about making out with a couple of my female friends... but again ive never been in any relationships before so cannot speak from experience and am unsure if i actually like girls or if im just curious, this is all purely just how i feel in my head.

one more thing that strikes me as odd tho is that although i find guys very physically attractive, much more so than i do girls, i get disgusted/annoyed when i see a guy topless or dressed 'immodestly'but when i see a girl like that i couldnt care less. im honestly not sure if thats also due to my recent repulsion, or if its just rooted in some deep hatred within me towards societal double standards for men/women or what lol.

also i cannot 'experiment' to get experience and learn what i actually like and dislike bc of religious/cultural reasons (nor do i even want to tbh, purely from my own moral standpoint) so i guess im at a crossroads. i know that if i ever do get in a relationship it will only be in marriage to a man, so how can i deal with the sexual repulsion i feel so strongly towards men without experiencing any intimacy beforehand? is it even possible or am i likely doomed to lead a life of sexual misery lol.

This sounds a bit like my own experience. It’s a long story but I figured out that I am a lesbian. Not saying it is the same for you but that is my experience. I though I liked men but the second i got put in the situation where i might kiss or sleep with a guy I would hate it and couldn’t go through with it… I didn’t get the same thing with girls and on reflection I just found it hard to come to terms with the fact that I couldn’t like men as I wanted approval. I’m not sure if this helps at all.

lol I'm the exact same on every point. Except I definitely do like women. I want to like men in the same way but just don't. Maybe this is what happens when you don't have sexual experience at a younger age like 16 - it just suddenly strikes you how off-putting it seems. Also I hate the idea of being (sorry to be graphic) penetrated by a man. I can't help feeling like most men secretly view women as beneath them, and I definitely could not sleep with a man who thinks that.
Every relationship I've been in and fairly quickly ended with a male I've felt like they just want to be able to tell their friends they have a girlfriend as well. Maybe I just secretly hate being a woman.

thank you, this is quite helpful. i would be inclined to think that i may be lesbian too bc of all this but the truth is i dont think i am - at most i think id br bisexual w a preference for men as i have bren in love/infatuated with a guy before, but never with a girl. also i could see myself kissing/cuddling with a guy but just not having $*x - although i could see myself happily doing so with a girl? im not sure if its bc i hate the idea of the p*n*s whereas with another girl i know exactly what to expect since i am one, or if its something else (like the fact that i think most men are pretty trash tbh lol).

but again, since i have a complete lack of experience i cannot say with certainty that these feelings would be the same if i were actually in these positions, its all purely hypothetical atm :/

I identified as bisexual for ages and it was only when I went on a date with a guy that I realised I wasn’t into them. Before that I thought the idea of kissing guys to be pleasant and something i wanted to do… and honestly I thought I was up for the rest of it as well but only when I was actually put in that situation did i realise. It’s odd i know. feels very odd posting any of this on tsr as it’s not really something i talk about but oh well

i dont understand it myself tbh but basically what the title says - i just want to know if anyone else feels or has felt like this before and how you deal with such thoughts? (also posting anonymously bc this is very embarrassing for me to admit, let alone talk about).

for context, im 19f and very attracted to guys (and maybe girls? more on that later) but can no longer stand the thought of actually being sexually intimate with one ever. for context i have not had any sexual experience in the past with any guys nor been in a *real* relationship with one, but i have always known that i am strongly attracted to guys and desired a romantic and sexual relationship with one. until quite recently, when the thought of what ACTUALLY occurs during intercourse randomly struck me as absolutely repulsive - since then i have been unable to stomach the thought of ever being in a relationship with a man if it means i would have to do such a thing with him (although at the same time i really want to have my own biological kids??). however although i have never had a real wlw crush and am unsure of my true feelings towards girls, i know that the thought of being sexually intimate with a girl does not repulse me - in fact it excites me if im being honest and over the past couple years i have sometimes fantasised about making out with a couple of my female friends... but again ive never been in any relationships before so cannot speak from experience and am unsure if i actually like girls or if im just curious, this is all purely just how i feel in my head.

one more thing that strikes me as odd tho is that although i find guys very physically attractive, much more so than i do girls, i get disgusted/annoyed when i see a guy topless or dressed 'immodestly'but when i see a girl like that i couldnt care less. im honestly not sure if thats also due to my recent repulsion, or if its just rooted in some deep hatred within me towards societal double standards for men/women or what lol.

also i cannot 'experiment' to get experience and learn what i actually like and dislike bc of religious/cultural reasons (nor do i even want to tbh, purely from my own moral standpoint) so i guess im at a crossroads. i know that if i ever do get in a relationship it will only be in marriage to a man, so how can i deal with the sexual repulsion i feel so strongly towards men without experiencing any intimacy beforehand? is it even possible or am i likely doomed to lead a life of sexual misery lol.

I'm kinda similar in that I can (and do!) experience sexual attraction to men now and again (hello, Colin Firth! ) and wouldn't mind kissing/cuddling a man, but can't/won't do anything with men below the waist Whereas women I do experience a lot of attraction to in all ways! I label myself a lesbian (even though I'm technically bisexual, I guess) because the idea of being with a guy grosses me out hugely - but I'm not planning on getting into a relationship soon with anyone of any gender. Plus I'm very inexperienced in all things relationship-wise (not even had a first kiss yet, aged 35!). So it's all a bit of a mute point for me

I wish I had advice for you. I can empathise with the religious/cultural thing a bit (I'm a practising Sri Lankan Roman Catholic, albeit a liberal one) and it can be so so hard to navigate and figure these things out with religious/cultural backgrounds where being bi is taboo. Just writing a bit anyway, so that you know you're not alone in feeling this way

ahh okay that makes a lot of sense, ty. can i just ask if you realised you werent into guys after your date with that one guy, or if it was after dating multiple guys?

and i completely understand its very awkward to talk about for me asw haha but i really wanted external opinions but cant talk about it eith anyone in my life sooo tsr it is lol

Hi, have you looked into asexuality? There are some asexual people who feel sexual repulsion, but still romantically like guys/girls/etc, so it's definitely possible. You are not alone.
I've found researching different labels and finding ones that fit me has helped me understand myself and stop labelling thoughts that are different from what I expect as 'disgusting' and that kind of thing. Idk if it's the same for you but I feel better if I have a label for what I feel, because it means there are other people out there like me.

Also, just throwing it out there- sexuality is fluid. For some people, this means it changes throughout your lifetime. Even if you feel this way now, this feeling may change one day. I'd say that if/when you start dating, make sure your boundaries are clear so if you feel uncomfortable, they know to back off. You can definitely have a fulfilling romantic lfie without sex, even if that feeling of repulsion doesn't change, and it's possible to have your own biological kids without having sex (e.g. through IVF). There are possibilities, and there are options, and you are not alone.

tbh I do like chatting with guys cos I'm vain and who doesn't enjoy being pursued, and I also enjoy kissing but that's about the line. Maybe it's cos of how my brothers talk about women and sex that has completely put me off actual sex with men. The worst bit is just how guys would talk to their friends about u after as well and just the horrible stuff groups of guys say. I think if I was insanely attractive and desirable I wouldn't feel like this because men would actually respect me and be intimidated. And if you have control over rejecting or accepting then you wouldn't feel powerless or disrespected. Perhaps we should all try to have massive glow ups and see how our feelings change.
I worry that otherwise people will insinuate the reason I don't like guys is cos noone wants me. Cos most of the guys I know would make that kind of assumption about girls who say they don't like guys ahaha

i dont understand it myself tbh but basically what the title says - i just want to know if anyone else feels or has felt like this before and how you deal with such thoughts? (also posting anonymously bc this is very embarrassing for me to admit, let alone talk about).

for context, im 19f and very attracted to guys (and maybe girls? more on that later) but can no longer stand the thought of actually being sexually intimate with one ever. for context i have not had any sexual experience in the past with any guys nor been in a *real* relationship with one, but i have always known that i am strongly attracted to guys and desired a romantic and sexual relationship with one. until quite recently, when the thought of what ACTUALLY occurs during intercourse randomly struck me as absolutely repulsive - since then i have been unable to stomach the thought of ever being in a relationship with a man if it means i would have to do such a thing with him (although at the same time i really want to have my own biological kids??). however although i have never had a real wlw crush and am unsure of my true feelings towards girls, i know that the thought of being sexually intimate with a girl does not repulse me - in fact it excites me if im being honest and over the past couple years i have sometimes fantasised about making out with a couple of my female friends... but again ive never been in any relationships before so cannot speak from experience and am unsure if i actually like girls or if im just curious, this is all purely just how i feel in my head.

one more thing that strikes me as odd tho is that although i find guys very physically attractive, much more so than i do girls, i get disgusted/annoyed when i see a guy topless or dressed 'immodestly'but when i see a girl like that i couldnt care less. im honestly not sure if thats also due to my recent repulsion, or if its just rooted in some deep hatred within me towards societal double standards for men/women or what lol.

also i cannot 'experiment' to get experience and learn what i actually like and dislike bc of religious/cultural reasons (nor do i even want to tbh, purely from my own moral standpoint) so i guess im at a crossroads. i know that if i ever do get in a relationship it will only be in marriage to a man, so how can i deal with the sexual repulsion i feel so strongly towards men without experiencing any intimacy beforehand? is it even possible or am i likely doomed to lead a life of sexual misery lol.