Moving out to univeristy but have severe scoial anixety

Hi,

I am in now in yr13 and i need to firm and insurance my option, yes i. know i left it too late but ive just been putting it off. I have got an offer from warwick and qmul. Since 2020, i have been suffering from severe social anxiety, when i say severe i mean severe, as in i avoid people so i don't need to speak to them, i cover my face when going outside, even when i do have conversations, they are dry and boring, i basically have no personality, hobbies nothing. I am a plain person. I am thinking about moving out of London and to go to Wawrick, mainly because it will put me outside of my comfort zone and maybe improve my social anxiety, i think i will be a completely different person if i move to Warwick then if I stayed. However, people my age lowkey intimidate me as they all look like grown men and I'm here looking like a scrawny 15-year-old. Also, i actually haven't met a new person in the last 7 years, like i stayed in my school through the 7 years and saw the same faces over and over again. I genuinely don't know how to build new relationships and friendships. Also don't have one solid, theya re all "school friends" which i will probably never speak to after these exams. Yeah i know I'm sad but most of it is my fault.

honestly i think im in a similar situation to you. I'm year 13 and am planning to go to uni this september. whenever i try to have a conversation with someone my brain completely freezes and i cant think of anything to say. It's not even something im consciously aware of at the time and i've tried everything i can think of to try and sort it out, like planning on things to say in advance and practising having a conversation but nothing seems to work. i'm so scared for starting uni and worried that i won't be able to make friends but i'm just hoping it will be different once i get there

You are on the way to managing to change your outlook and your life if you recognise that something is causing you a problem and you really want to do something about it. That is step one.

My question to you would be what changed? What happened when you were around 11 years of age that suddenly changed your view of people? How has your family life contributed to this sense of isolation?

I would not worry in the least that you look like a 'scrawny fifteen year old' When you are a geriatric and everyone else is going to the dogs you will still probably look about 25 years old. You will probably reflect back, and still probably outrun, outlive the younger generation. There is no point in having the perfect body if you don't have the same mindset to go with it. So how do you change this? The answer is slowly. This is as much an issue of confidence as anything else. You need to set small goals and get each goal over the line. Gradually as your confidence improves so will your social life. You don't have to like people at all. You don't have to go out, anywhere. That is your choice and your own sense of being ok with your own company. But if you feel starved of company or companionship like a plant trying to find sunshine and water then you need a plan to help you get going again.

Despite the NHS being on its knees I would see if your medical centre can firstly offer you an appointment with a medical practitioner to review how you feel and how you are coping with life generally. Medication may have a place to assist you in the short term. It takes absolutely ages (months) to get allocated some sessions but talking therapies may help you to explore your thinking about social interactions. So get that ball rolling and get on the list to get some help.

Use websites such as Mind to link in to online support groups. You will be surprised at just how common fear of going outside and fear of talking to strangers can be. Use their help lines and start talking to people and get used to hearing yourself speak. You can change all of this if you really want to.

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/your-stories/escaping-my-agoraphobia

Try volunteering for a charity (working on the tills in a charity shop, collecting clothing, serving food at a homeless shelter) Tell the charity organisers how you feel and tell them what you want to overcome. Most people will do their best to support you.

Despite you saying you are 'boring' you will have many life experiences or knowledge of somethings that others don't. Never assume you have nothing worthwhile to say. You can be the ledge on the cliff face to which over excited people can hold on to and calm down. Everyone needs someone like that and will be grateful for your ear. So make your goals small. Say 'hello' to the person on the check out, thank someone for holding a door, or doing you a favour somewhere. The trick is to start looking 'outward' rather than focussing on your own self consciousness. When you look outward you will see so many people are just as insecure as you and also have huge anxieties but they just mask them.

Start today and I hope you get the results you are hoping for. Where ever you study link in to student welfare services, and make the most of every opportunity and support group. Good luck.

what are you planning to study

Oh wow, I've found someone who feels the same way I do! No one understands when I say my brain short-circuits. I really don't know how to fix it either, though sometimes I wonder if it's because I'm thinking too hard to say something. Maybe we're supposed to just kind of sit with it, until something comes naturally? Sometimes silence can be comfortable, with no words needed, so maybe that's just our temperament? I'm not sure. School is annoying because everyone is insecure, trying to impress each other, trying to seem fun etc., so it often feels like to me that I /have/ to speak constantly for someone to enjoy my company. But lately I have been wondering if my brain isn't working because it's unnatural to be that way. I really wish it was the type of thing that could be learned, because even if it's unnatural, it's expected of us.