The Student Room Group

[TRIGGER WARNING: sexual harassment]

I need to get this off my chest because it has been consuming my thougths since May. I keep replaying events in my head and thinking about what I should have done. It has been triggering my emotions to the point where I burst out in tears when I try to explain how it made me feel. I am a univeristy student from London currently in foundation year, I started in january which where I met this indiviual as we are in the same class. Shortly after meeting this indiviual he has been sexually harrasing me for 5 months. So this person 'A' was supposed to be my friend but it wasn't clicking his head despite me repeating myself.

Welcome day 12th Jan: A asked me to be his girlfriend because he can tell I am good person despite the fact I met him that day. I turned it down and told him I'm not ready for a relationship and I want to focus on studying only. We agreed we would be friends.

A would keep making propositions of a relationship talking about the future even though we are strictly friends which I turned it down multiple times.Flirt obnoxiously with other girls in front of me and the next second would tell me we are going to be together as if it was reassuring. I didn't care, want to hear or know that because I was not interested in that possibility.

A kept asking me to go to his house to smoke with him alone, I said no multiple times and had to make excuses to not go.Made comments about other girls bums to me and mine which got me angry, so I stormed off after he made a nasty look to me while describing my body to someone on the phone.Point out to girls in uni that he wanted to have sex with, to me. I told him to stop everything that's in your head.

Showed me sex-tapes of him and multiple other girls and would describe them in detail about it. I told him I didn't want to hear it several had to turn my head, forcefully distract myself to avoid watching it but he kept telling me to watch it.Told me he gets jealous when I talk to other guys, I told him there's nothing I can do about that. It was bad to the point he would make crude comments such as 'I'll make you call me daddy' in front of other three people. I was so disgusted and felt violated and embarrassed. I told him that it will never happen. After this he told me he gets jealous when I talk to other guys.

16th May: I saved a seat for him; he came in late sat in front me. During class, he told me to move and sit next to him. I told him to sit next to me because I saved a seat. He began to get frustrated because I wouldn't move. Another classmate told him to let me sit where I want. During lunchtime ,he told me someone dm'ed on social media and said that he should marry me. I exclaimed What and Who? and proceeded to roll my eyes. During break, I went to another class to talk to my friend (male). Me, A and two other classmates were on our way home and ran back to say goodbye to my friend (male) from a different class. I got to the lifts and A seemed annoyed/angry. He didn't speak to me the rest of walk to the station. The train came, he said hugged and said bye to the classmate, nothing to me. The classmate asked him why he didn't say bye to me then he hugged me and kissed me on the cheek. I was shocked so I just jumped on the train as it arrived.

He also asked my friend 'M' who lives with her boyfriend and infant child if he can come over to her place at midnight as well as sending her sexual messages describing what he wanted to do to her. 'I will like to play with it while we f*ck hard and make you c*m'.

After telling my mum and friends about they have been concerned and told me to report it. I held off on it because I really thought it would stop. I reported him on the 17th May and univeristy suspended A for two weeks. During the two weeks, they took witness statements from me, M , other classmates and A. The university concluded by giving him a warning and probation and they let him come back to school as well as my class. I wasn't in when he came back as I was working however M told me that he immediately went to telling other classmates that I lied about everything, calling me an idiot for reporting me and about how he got his stepmother involved. As well as other classmates agreeing with him and calling me a liar to the point where M told them the same thing happened to her. Mind you, hes not angry at her, he even told her to lie on her statement so he can look innocent. When I came into the next class, not one person said anything. The two girls who are friends of his I confided in about the whole 'C' and 'Am' told me that they would have confronted him about it if they have known earlier and C told me to get her number so I could talk to her about anything. Lo and behold, C and Am have both turned on me since A came back, couldn't even make eye contact with me.

As much as I am trying to deal with it in a calm way, I can't help but feel all eyes on me and the fact that so many people have turned on me. I have my friends and mum's support but I can help but feel scared and alone. I am stuck in a cycle of self doubt and anxious thoughts. His charisma and smear campaign against me has me wondering what I done to people to make them believe I would ever lie about this. I tried to get help and I feel let down greatly by the classmates, by the university, which is why I was represssing this for so long. I could not handle the unhinged behaviours anymore. I didn't even know the behaviours were sexual harrasment until my friend told me a week prior to reporting it. That was when I realised the sereveity of what I have been put through. Am I wrong for even reporting this? Why would people believe I could lie about this? I feel like I am going crazy.
Original post by Anonymous
I need to get this off my chest because it has been consuming my thougths since May. I keep replaying events in my head and thinking about what I should have done. It has been triggering my emotions to the point where I burst out in tears when I try to explain how it made me feel. I am a univeristy student from London currently in foundation year, I started in january which where I met this indiviual as we are in the same class. Shortly after meeting this indiviual he has been sexually harrasing me for 5 months. So this person 'A' was supposed to be my friend but it wasn't clicking his head despite me repeating myself.

Welcome day 12th Jan: A asked me to be his girlfriend because he can tell I am good person despite the fact I met him that day. I turned it down and told him I'm not ready for a relationship and I want to focus on studying only. We agreed we would be friends.

A would keep making propositions of a relationship talking about the future even though we are strictly friends which I turned it down multiple times.Flirt obnoxiously with other girls in front of me and the next second would tell me we are going to be together as if it was reassuring. I didn't care, want to hear or know that because I was not interested in that possibility.

A kept asking me to go to his house to smoke with him alone, I said no multiple times and had to make excuses to not go.Made comments about other girls bums to me and mine which got me angry, so I stormed off after he made a nasty look to me while describing my body to someone on the phone.Point out to girls in uni that he wanted to have sex with, to me. I told him to stop everything that's in your head.

Showed me sex-tapes of him and multiple other girls and would describe them in detail about it. I told him I didn't want to hear it several had to turn my head, forcefully distract myself to avoid watching it but he kept telling me to watch it.Told me he gets jealous when I talk to other guys, I told him there's nothing I can do about that. It was bad to the point he would make crude comments such as 'I'll make you call me daddy' in front of other three people. I was so disgusted and felt violated and embarrassed. I told him that it will never happen. After this he told me he gets jealous when I talk to other guys.

16th May: I saved a seat for him; he came in late sat in front me. During class, he told me to move and sit next to him. I told him to sit next to me because I saved a seat. He began to get frustrated because I wouldn't move. Another classmate told him to let me sit where I want. During lunchtime ,he told me someone dm'ed on social media and said that he should marry me. I exclaimed What and Who? and proceeded to roll my eyes. During break, I went to another class to talk to my friend (male). Me, A and two other classmates were on our way home and ran back to say goodbye to my friend (male) from a different class. I got to the lifts and A seemed annoyed/angry. He didn't speak to me the rest of walk to the station. The train came, he said hugged and said bye to the classmate, nothing to me. The classmate asked him why he didn't say bye to me then he hugged me and kissed me on the cheek. I was shocked so I just jumped on the train as it arrived.

He also asked my friend 'M' who lives with her boyfriend and infant child if he can come over to her place at midnight as well as sending her sexual messages describing what he wanted to do to her. 'I will like to play with it while we f*ck hard and make you c*m'.

After telling my mum and friends about they have been concerned and told me to report it. I held off on it because I really thought it would stop. I reported him on the 17th May and univeristy suspended A for two weeks. During the two weeks, they took witness statements from me, M , other classmates and A. The university concluded by giving him a warning and probation and they let him come back to school as well as my class. I wasn't in when he came back as I was working however M told me that he immediately went to telling other classmates that I lied about everything, calling me an idiot for reporting me and about how he got his stepmother involved. As well as other classmates agreeing with him and calling me a liar to the point where M told them the same thing happened to her. Mind you, hes not angry at her, he even told her to lie on her statement so he can look innocent. When I came into the next class, not one person said anything. The two girls who are friends of his I confided in about the whole 'C' and 'Am' told me that they would have confronted him about it if they have known earlier and C told me to get her number so I could talk to her about anything. Lo and behold, C and Am have both turned on me since A came back, couldn't even make eye contact with me.

As much as I am trying to deal with it in a calm way, I can't help but feel all eyes on me and the fact that so many people have turned on me. I have my friends and mum's support but I can help but feel scared and alone. I am stuck in a cycle of self doubt and anxious thoughts. His charisma and smear campaign against me has me wondering what I done to people to make them believe I would ever lie about this. I tried to get help and I feel let down greatly by the classmates, by the university, which is why I was represssing this for so long. I could not handle the unhinged behaviours anymore. I didn't even know the behaviours were sexual harrasment until my friend told me a week prior to reporting it. That was when I realised the sereveity of what I have been put through. Am I wrong for even reporting this? Why would people believe I could lie about this? I feel like I am going crazy.

I don't have much I can say but I support you and you made the right decision in reporting it. It's good that your friends and family still support you, anyone who doesn't without hard evidence of the contrary is toxic and doesn't deserve your energy. You are strong for not caving and whatever happens don't go back on your word. Sadly it's really hard to prove this kind of stuff as I had something of that nature happen to me and the texts were not evidence enough to take action on. The uni probably want to maintain their image so if they don't help you I'd recommend outing them after you graduate (happened with UCL arch school if you know about that). If you do it while you're still a student it could cause all sorts of problems. Maintain a strong support system, keep speaking up for yourself even if no one believes you and keep your head up because you are doing amazing!
You have been amazingly brave reporting the perverted lowlife. :smile:

Do not allow the lies and outrage of a sexual predator to ruin your positive mindset.
He wants to slander, isolate and punish you for both rejecting all of his unwanted sexual advances & having the guts to report his harassment conduct to your uni.

Do not allow him to ruin your positive mindset or distract you from your studies.
Nor waste any of your valuable time or emotion- he is not worth any of either.
Neither is anybody who tries to defend his sexual harassment habit or suggest that that the uni should not have investigated him for possible disciplinary action.

The uni decided that his actions towards you and M were unacceptable then suspended him.
That alone tells you whose version of events the uni views as most credible.
Not his and no amount of the pervert's insults or vindictive backbiting can erase this fact.

Do bear in mind that the sex tapes that he has collected may have been filmed without the consent or even knowledge of some of the girls in them.
If any of those girls are students at the same uni as you and they have now discovered that he has been showing the sex tapes to third parties, they may be terrified that if they say or do anything that makes him angry with them he will make them victims of revenge porn.
So they do everything that they can possibly think of to stay on the right side of him, desperately hoping that none of the footage will ever become public where their parents and neighbours could see it.
This may be part of the reason why so many female students are nodding along to everything that he says and not making any eye contact with you.

Have you considered contacting Victim Support?
They offer confidential advice and support.
https://www.victimsupport.org.uk/crime-info/types-crime/sexual-harassment/

Good luck!
Thank you so much. I only know it could be one girl on the sextape but I dont know her name on her class and I havent seen her in months. Im trying very hard to not let this get to me. I really want to focus on the positive things in my life but I will be moving universities for september.

Original post by londonmyst
You have been amazingly brave reporting the perverted lowlife. :smile:

Do not allow the lies and outrage of a sexual predator to ruin your positive mindset.
He wants to slander, isolate and punish you for both rejecting all of his unwanted sexual advances & having the guts to report his harassment conduct to your uni.

Do not allow him to ruin your positive mindset or distract you from your studies.
Nor waste any of your valuable time or emotion- he is not worth any of either.
Neither is anybody who tries to defend his sexual harassment habit or suggest that that the uni should not have investigated him for possible disciplinary action.

The uni decided that his actions towards you and M were unacceptable then suspended him.
That alone tells you whose version of events the uni views as most credible.
Not his and no amount of the pervert's insults or vindictive backbiting can erase this fact.

Do bear in mind that the sex tapes that he has collected may have been filmed without the consent or even knowledge of some of the girls in them.
If any of those girls are students at the same uni as you and they have now discovered that he has been showing the sex tapes to third parties, they may be terrified that if they say or do anything that makes him angry with them he will make them victims of revenge porn.
So they do everything that they can possibly think of to stay on the right side of him, desperately hoping that none of the footage will ever become public where their parents and neighbours could see it.
This may be part of the reason why so many female students are nodding along to everything that he says and not making any eye contact with you.

Have you considered contacting Victim Support?
They offer confidential advice and support.
https://www.victimsupport.org.uk/crime-info/types-crime/sexual-harassment/

Good luck!
Thank you so much. I should collected more evidence on my part but most of it was face-to-face. M had all the evidence for her experiences that also supported mine. I will be moving universities for september. I just feel let down by alot of people but they couldnt be fake for so long I guess.

Original post by Andi.0k
I don't have much I can say but I support you and you made the right decision in reporting it. It's good that your friends and family still support you, anyone who doesn't without hard evidence of the contrary is toxic and doesn't deserve your energy. You are strong for not caving and whatever happens don't go back on your word. Sadly it's really hard to prove this kind of stuff as I had something of that nature happen to me and the texts were not evidence enough to take action on. The uni probably want to maintain their image so if they don't help you I'd recommend outing them after you graduate (happened with UCL arch school if you know about that). If you do it while you're still a student it could cause all sorts of problems. Maintain a strong support system, keep speaking up for yourself even if no one believes you and keep your head up because you are doing amazing!
Original post by Anonymous
I need to get this off my chest because it has been consuming my thougths since May. I keep replaying events in my head and thinking about what I should have done. It has been triggering my emotions to the point where I burst out in tears when I try to explain how it made me feel. I am a univeristy student from London currently in foundation year, I started in january which where I met this indiviual as we are in the same class. Shortly after meeting this indiviual he has been sexually harrasing me for 5 months. So this person 'A' was supposed to be my friend but it wasn't clicking his head despite me repeating myself.

Welcome day 12th Jan: A asked me to be his girlfriend because he can tell I am good person despite the fact I met him that day. I turned it down and told him I'm not ready for a relationship and I want to focus on studying only. We agreed we would be friends.

A would keep making propositions of a relationship talking about the future even though we are strictly friends which I turned it down multiple times.Flirt obnoxiously with other girls in front of me and the next second would tell me we are going to be together as if it was reassuring. I didn't care, want to hear or know that because I was not interested in that possibility.

A kept asking me to go to his house to smoke with him alone, I said no multiple times and had to make excuses to not go.Made comments about other girls bums to me and mine which got me angry, so I stormed off after he made a nasty look to me while describing my body to someone on the phone.Point out to girls in uni that he wanted to have sex with, to me. I told him to stop everything that's in your head.

Showed me sex-tapes of him and multiple other girls and would describe them in detail about it. I told him I didn't want to hear it several had to turn my head, forcefully distract myself to avoid watching it but he kept telling me to watch it.Told me he gets jealous when I talk to other guys, I told him there's nothing I can do about that. It was bad to the point he would make crude comments such as 'I'll make you call me daddy' in front of other three people. I was so disgusted and felt violated and embarrassed. I told him that it will never happen. After this he told me he gets jealous when I talk to other guys.

16th May: I saved a seat for him; he came in late sat in front me. During class, he told me to move and sit next to him. I told him to sit next to me because I saved a seat. He began to get frustrated because I wouldn't move. Another classmate told him to let me sit where I want. During lunchtime ,he told me someone dm'ed on social media and said that he should marry me. I exclaimed What and Who? and proceeded to roll my eyes. During break, I went to another class to talk to my friend (male). Me, A and two other classmates were on our way home and ran back to say goodbye to my friend (male) from a different class. I got to the lifts and A seemed annoyed/angry. He didn't speak to me the rest of walk to the station. The train came, he said hugged and said bye to the classmate, nothing to me. The classmate asked him why he didn't say bye to me then he hugged me and kissed me on the cheek. I was shocked so I just jumped on the train as it arrived.

He also asked my friend 'M' who lives with her boyfriend and infant child if he can come over to her place at midnight as well as sending her sexual messages describing what he wanted to do to her. 'I will like to play with it while we f*ck hard and make you c*m'.

After telling my mum and friends about they have been concerned and told me to report it. I held off on it because I really thought it would stop. I reported him on the 17th May and univeristy suspended A for two weeks. During the two weeks, they took witness statements from me, M , other classmates and A. The university concluded by giving him a warning and probation and they let him come back to school as well as my class. I wasn't in when he came back as I was working however M told me that he immediately went to telling other classmates that I lied about everything, calling me an idiot for reporting me and about how he got his stepmother involved. As well as other classmates agreeing with him and calling me a liar to the point where M told them the same thing happened to her. Mind you, hes not angry at her, he even told her to lie on her statement so he can look innocent. When I came into the next class, not one person said anything. The two girls who are friends of his I confided in about the whole 'C' and 'Am' told me that they would have confronted him about it if they have known earlier and C told me to get her number so I could talk to her about anything. Lo and behold, C and Am have both turned on me since A came back, couldn't even make eye contact with me.

As much as I am trying to deal with it in a calm way, I can't help but feel all eyes on me and the fact that so many people have turned on me. I have my friends and mum's support but I can help but feel scared and alone. I am stuck in a cycle of self doubt and anxious thoughts. His charisma and smear campaign against me has me wondering what I done to people to make them believe I would ever lie about this. I tried to get help and I feel let down greatly by the classmates, by the university, which is why I was represssing this for so long. I could not handle the unhinged behaviours anymore. I didn't even know the behaviours were sexual harrasment until my friend told me a week prior to reporting it. That was when I realised the sereveity of what I have been put through. Am I wrong for even reporting this? Why would people believe I could lie about this? I feel like I am going crazy.


you have done absolutely nothing wrong, and you absolutely do not deserve the way people have been treating you, i am so so sorry. that man is ******* disgusting, and you did the right thing reporting him- everyone else has just failed you. i'm honestly disgusted that the uni only suspended him for TWO WEEKS, what the **** ?? i would seriously recommend reporting this stuff to the uni as well, but i also completely understand why you might not want to given what happened last time. please don't ever blame yourself for this, you did nothing wrong and you deserve so much better than this shitstorm. please take care of yourself, i really hope the situation gets better soon <3333
Thank you so much. I feel really let down by the university because they let someone like this back in the uni. He has gone around saying that they didnt believe me which is why they dismissed my case which isn't true. He is a vile person and I knew it there was something off from the very beginning but I was so scared of not having friends before majority of my class are age 30+. I will focus on myself more from now on.

Original post by spammbo
you have done absolutely nothing wrong, and you absolutely do not deserve the way people have been treating you, i am so so sorry. that man is ******* disgusting, and you did the right thing reporting him- everyone else has just failed you. i'm honestly disgusted that the uni only suspended him for TWO WEEKS, what the **** ?? i would seriously recommend reporting this stuff to the uni as well, but i also completely understand why you might not want to given what happened last time. please don't ever blame yourself for this, you did nothing wrong and you deserve so much better than this shitstorm. please take care of yourself, i really hope the situation gets better soon <3333
Original post by Anonymous
Thank you so much. I should collected more evidence on my part but most of it was face-to-face. M had all the evidence for her experiences that also supported mine. I will be moving universities for september. I just feel let down by alot of people but they couldnt be fake for so long I guess.


It sucks that you have to move because of someone else's actions. Don't blame yourself for not collecting evidence that's not your job and you shouldn't expect this sort of behaviour.
Reply 8
Original post by Anonymous
Thank you so much. I only know it could be one girl on the sextape but I dont know her name on her class and I havent seen her in months.

The sex tapes should be reported to the police as it's not known if they are consensual; the Georgia Harrison and Stephen Bear case?
Reply 9
Original post by Surnia
The sex tapes should be reported to the police as it's not known if they are consensual; the Georgia Harrison and Stephen Bear case?


The thing is I dont know if they are or not but the fact he showed them to me was shocking.
Reply 10
Original post by Anonymous
The thing is I dont know if they are or not but the fact he showed them to me was shocking.

i'm not 100% sure, but i think that might be illegal too anyway- even if they were made with the person's consent, they probably didn't consent to having that shared, so it might be worth bringing up to the police or the uni just in case

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