Rate my poem please -Pirate
One small fight, one dark night
Forsaken
I gave you my mind my lungs my time
You left me high and dry
It was you
Who blew the breeze that crumbled my walls, invaded a castle that was never yours
It was you
Who abandoned me to the warm room with hollow walls where my soul once shrank into
Set ablaze the drapes, smoking glory
I’m bruised and broken stitched together by a ruse
A harmless hoax
Evicted by a bootlegged pirate with one eye
I raced passed the drunkard gaurds,
The shallow mouths, superficial stares, and the endless gawking grapevine
There you stood, a beacon of light
But it was just another empty room with hollow walls, and endless falls that I would forgo
Forsaken
I gave you my mind my lungs my time
You left me high and dry
It was you
Who blew the breeze that crumbled my walls, invaded a castle that was never yours
It was you
Who abandoned me to the warm room with hollow walls where my soul once shrank into
Set ablaze the drapes, smoking glory
I’m bruised and broken stitched together by a ruse
A harmless hoax
Evicted by a bootlegged pirate with one eye
I raced passed the drunkard gaurds,
The shallow mouths, superficial stares, and the endless gawking grapevine
There you stood, a beacon of light
But it was just another empty room with hollow walls, and endless falls that I would forgo
Original post by Noeliaames
One small fight, one dark night
Forsaken
I gave you my mind my lungs my time
You left me high and dry
It was you
Who blew the breeze that crumbled my walls, invaded a castle that was never yours
It was you
Who abandoned me to the warm room with hollow walls where my soul once shrank into
Set ablaze the drapes, smoking glory
I’m bruised and broken stitched together by a ruse
A harmless hoax
Evicted by a bootlegged pirate with one eye
I raced passed the drunkard gaurds,
The shallow mouths, superficial stares, and the endless gawking grapevine
There you stood, a beacon of light
But it was just another empty room with hollow walls, and endless falls that I would forgo
Forsaken
I gave you my mind my lungs my time
You left me high and dry
It was you
Who blew the breeze that crumbled my walls, invaded a castle that was never yours
It was you
Who abandoned me to the warm room with hollow walls where my soul once shrank into
Set ablaze the drapes, smoking glory
I’m bruised and broken stitched together by a ruse
A harmless hoax
Evicted by a bootlegged pirate with one eye
I raced passed the drunkard gaurds,
The shallow mouths, superficial stares, and the endless gawking grapevine
There you stood, a beacon of light
But it was just another empty room with hollow walls, and endless falls that I would forgo
this is really good!! have you written any others?
Original post by Noeliaames
One small fight, one dark night
Forsaken
I gave you my mind my lungs my time
You left me high and dry
It was you
Who blew the breeze that crumbled my walls, invaded a castle that was never yours
It was you
Who abandoned me to the warm room with hollow walls where my soul once shrank into
Set ablaze the drapes, smoking glory
I’m bruised and broken stitched together by a ruse
A harmless hoax
Evicted by a bootlegged pirate with one eye
I raced passed the drunkard gaurds,
The shallow mouths, superficial stares, and the endless gawking grapevine
There you stood, a beacon of light
But it was just another empty room with hollow walls, and endless falls that I would forgo
Forsaken
I gave you my mind my lungs my time
You left me high and dry
It was you
Who blew the breeze that crumbled my walls, invaded a castle that was never yours
It was you
Who abandoned me to the warm room with hollow walls where my soul once shrank into
Set ablaze the drapes, smoking glory
I’m bruised and broken stitched together by a ruse
A harmless hoax
Evicted by a bootlegged pirate with one eye
I raced passed the drunkard gaurds,
The shallow mouths, superficial stares, and the endless gawking grapevine
There you stood, a beacon of light
But it was just another empty room with hollow walls, and endless falls that I would forgo
Marvellous 10/10 from me
Some music when you read this) Do you want to read the poem which was generated by chat GPT. with your theme?
In the depths of darkness, I faced the storm,
Battered and bruised, but determined to transform.
I gave my all, my thoughts, my very core,
Yet you left me stranded, empty, and ignored.
It was your breath that brought my fortress down,
Invading my sanctuary with a deceitful crown.
Abandoned in a room of false warmth and lies,
Where my soul withered and once sought to hide.
The drapes set aflame, a blaze of illusory grandeur,
But in truth, it was all a hoax, a fabricated fervor.
Evicted by a pirate, a cunning one-eyed thief,
Leaving me stitched, broken, seeking relief.
I raced past the guards, those drunken in facade,
Escaping the shallow mouths, the gazes, so flawed.
And there you stood, a beacon in the night,
But another empty room, hollow walls in sight.
Endless falls awaited, a treacherous descent,
Yet I chose to forgo, to leave behind this lament.
For I am resilient, stronger than before,
No longer confined to empty rooms, forevermore.
In the ashes of forsaken love, I rise,
Embracing a future, where my spirit flies.
No more deceived by illusions that appall,
I reclaim my worth, standing tall through it all.
Battered and bruised, but determined to transform.
I gave my all, my thoughts, my very core,
Yet you left me stranded, empty, and ignored.
It was your breath that brought my fortress down,
Invading my sanctuary with a deceitful crown.
Abandoned in a room of false warmth and lies,
Where my soul withered and once sought to hide.
The drapes set aflame, a blaze of illusory grandeur,
But in truth, it was all a hoax, a fabricated fervor.
Evicted by a pirate, a cunning one-eyed thief,
Leaving me stitched, broken, seeking relief.
I raced past the guards, those drunken in facade,
Escaping the shallow mouths, the gazes, so flawed.
And there you stood, a beacon in the night,
But another empty room, hollow walls in sight.
Endless falls awaited, a treacherous descent,
Yet I chose to forgo, to leave behind this lament.
For I am resilient, stronger than before,
No longer confined to empty rooms, forevermore.
In the ashes of forsaken love, I rise,
Embracing a future, where my spirit flies.
No more deceived by illusions that appall,
I reclaim my worth, standing tall through it all.
Original post by Noeliaames
One small fight, one dark night
Forsaken
I gave you my mind my lungs my time
You left me high and dry
It was you
Who blew the breeze that crumbled my walls, invaded a castle that was never yours
It was you
Who abandoned me to the warm room with hollow walls where my soul once shrank into
Set ablaze the drapes, smoking glory
I’m bruised and broken stitched together by a ruse
A harmless hoax
Evicted by a bootlegged pirate with one eye
I raced passed the drunkard gaurds,
The shallow mouths, superficial stares, and the endless gawking grapevine
There you stood, a beacon of light
But it was just another empty room with hollow walls, and endless falls that I would forgo
Forsaken
I gave you my mind my lungs my time
You left me high and dry
It was you
Who blew the breeze that crumbled my walls, invaded a castle that was never yours
It was you
Who abandoned me to the warm room with hollow walls where my soul once shrank into
Set ablaze the drapes, smoking glory
I’m bruised and broken stitched together by a ruse
A harmless hoax
Evicted by a bootlegged pirate with one eye
I raced passed the drunkard gaurds,
The shallow mouths, superficial stares, and the endless gawking grapevine
There you stood, a beacon of light
But it was just another empty room with hollow walls, and endless falls that I would forgo
Pirates did not have castles so this is historically inaccurate. Rhyme scheme is silly but the themes explored within this poem are amazing. If you keep writing like this you may end up being a great writer.
Original post by Noeliaames
One small fight, one dark night
Forsaken
I gave you my mind my lungs my time
You left me high and dry
It was you
Who blew the breeze that crumbled my walls, invaded a castle that was never yours
It was you
Who abandoned me to the warm room with hollow walls where my soul once shrank into
Set ablaze the drapes, smoking glory
I’m bruised and broken stitched together by a ruse
A harmless hoax
Evicted by a bootlegged pirate with one eye
I raced passed the drunkard gaurds,
The shallow mouths, superficial stares, and the endless gawking grapevine
There you stood, a beacon of light
But it was just another empty room with hollow walls, and endless falls that I would forgo
Forsaken
I gave you my mind my lungs my time
You left me high and dry
It was you
Who blew the breeze that crumbled my walls, invaded a castle that was never yours
It was you
Who abandoned me to the warm room with hollow walls where my soul once shrank into
Set ablaze the drapes, smoking glory
I’m bruised and broken stitched together by a ruse
A harmless hoax
Evicted by a bootlegged pirate with one eye
I raced passed the drunkard gaurds,
The shallow mouths, superficial stares, and the endless gawking grapevine
There you stood, a beacon of light
But it was just another empty room with hollow walls, and endless falls that I would forgo
This poem is absolutely incredible. As someone who's ancestors were pirates back in the 1920s I believe, I can deeply relate to this as one of the greatest pieces of poetry ever put to paper. However, you rhymed walls with walls. For this reason, I will have to rate this poem 1/5. Do better next time please
Original post by StephanieBr
In the depths of darkness, I faced the storm,
Battered and bruised, but determined to transform.
I gave my all, my thoughts, my very core,
Yet you left me stranded, empty, and ignored.
It was your breath that brought my fortress down,
Invading my sanctuary with a deceitful crown.
Abandoned in a room of false warmth and lies,
Where my soul withered and once sought to hide.
The drapes set aflame, a blaze of illusory grandeur,
But in truth, it was all a hoax, a fabricated fervor.
Evicted by a pirate, a cunning one-eyed thief,
Leaving me stitched, broken, seeking relief.
I raced past the guards, those drunken in facade,
Escaping the shallow mouths, the gazes, so flawed.
And there you stood, a beacon in the night,
But another empty room, hollow walls in sight.
Endless falls awaited, a treacherous descent,
Yet I chose to forgo, to leave behind this lament.
For I am resilient, stronger than before,
No longer confined to empty rooms, forevermore.
In the ashes of forsaken love, I rise,
Embracing a future, where my spirit flies.
No more deceived by illusions that appall,
I reclaim my worth, standing tall through it all.
Battered and bruised, but determined to transform.
I gave my all, my thoughts, my very core,
Yet you left me stranded, empty, and ignored.
It was your breath that brought my fortress down,
Invading my sanctuary with a deceitful crown.
Abandoned in a room of false warmth and lies,
Where my soul withered and once sought to hide.
The drapes set aflame, a blaze of illusory grandeur,
But in truth, it was all a hoax, a fabricated fervor.
Evicted by a pirate, a cunning one-eyed thief,
Leaving me stitched, broken, seeking relief.
I raced past the guards, those drunken in facade,
Escaping the shallow mouths, the gazes, so flawed.
And there you stood, a beacon in the night,
But another empty room, hollow walls in sight.
Endless falls awaited, a treacherous descent,
Yet I chose to forgo, to leave behind this lament.
For I am resilient, stronger than before,
No longer confined to empty rooms, forevermore.
In the ashes of forsaken love, I rise,
Embracing a future, where my spirit flies.
No more deceived by illusions that appall,
I reclaim my worth, standing tall through it all.
I have never more disappointed in my life.
Original post by Noeliaames
One small fight, one dark night
Forsaken
I gave you my mind my lungs my time
You left me high and dry
It was you
Who blew the breeze that crumbled my walls, invaded a castle that was never yours
It was you
Who abandoned me to the warm room with hollow walls where my soul once shrank into
Set ablaze the drapes, smoking glory
I’m bruised and broken stitched together by a ruse
A harmless hoax
Evicted by a bootlegged pirate with one eye
I raced passed the drunkard gaurds,
The shallow mouths, superficial stares, and the endless gawking grapevine
There you stood, a beacon of light
But it was just another empty room with hollow walls, and endless falls that I would forgo
Forsaken
I gave you my mind my lungs my time
You left me high and dry
It was you
Who blew the breeze that crumbled my walls, invaded a castle that was never yours
It was you
Who abandoned me to the warm room with hollow walls where my soul once shrank into
Set ablaze the drapes, smoking glory
I’m bruised and broken stitched together by a ruse
A harmless hoax
Evicted by a bootlegged pirate with one eye
I raced passed the drunkard gaurds,
The shallow mouths, superficial stares, and the endless gawking grapevine
There you stood, a beacon of light
But it was just another empty room with hollow walls, and endless falls that I would forgo
Your poem has a really intense and emotional vibe. It's like a rollercoaster of feelings, you know? The way you describe being forsaken and giving your all to someone, only to be left high and dry, really hits hard. The imagery of your walls crumbling and a castle being invaded adds a nice touch of visual detail. The lines about being abandoned in a warm room with hollow walls and setting the drapes ablaze create a sense of desperation and frustration. It's like you're bruised and broken, trying to hold yourself together, but feeling like it's all just a trick or a joke. The metaphor of being evicted by a one-eyed pirate is kind of cool and adds some interesting imagery. Then you go on to describe racing past drunk guards and shallow people, almost like escaping from a toxic environment. And finally, you see someone who seems like a beacon of light, but it turns out to be just another empty room with hollow walls, a disappointing realization.
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