The Student Room Group

Breaking up

Im relationship with my boyfriend for 2 years and I'm preparing for neet 2024, it's my 3rd drop so it's very pressurising for me to manage both my relationship and study. Im eldest daughter of my family, So my family is quite dependent on me. My father and mother has a toxic relationship so my mother had decided to get separated when I'll get selected in neet so that we both can manage my younger brother's study and college fees. Recently my father beated my mother and my mother's father. It's happening since I was four. So I want to support my mother and brother desparetly. Im working really hard and I was a good student since my childhood. I have a very clear goal in my mind but on the other hand my boyfriend is doing nothing. He is one year older than me(I'm 20). We both have different caste. I really love him but he wants time in relationship and complain all the time that I'm not giving 100% in relationship knowing all the problems I'm facing. I told him to atleast do something so that I can tell my family about him. He's trying but still very confused what he want to do in life. He aslo has problem as his family condition is not that good. And as I told you preparing for neet is already so hectic for me for 3 years. I wanted to break up and told him everything. At that time he said he'll anything I should wait but when I asked him in what college do you want go what do you want to do..he said why I'll tell you this(I guess he was nervous that if tells me he's doing nothing I'll leave him)I'm really confused what should I do..how will I tell my parents about him if he ain't doing anything..I'm working really hard for my future what will happen if he doesn't work hard.
(edited 11 months ago)
Original post by Muskannn__
Im relationship with my boyfriend for 2 years and I'm preparing for neet 2024, it's my 3rd drop so it's very pressurising for me to manage both my relationship and study. Im eldest daughter of my family, So my family is quite dependent on me. My father and mother has a toxic relationship so my mother had decided to get separated when I'll get selected in neet so that we both can manage my younger brother's study and college fees. Recently my father beated my mother and my mother's father. It's happening since I was four. So I want to support my mother and brother desparetly. Im working really hard and I was a good student since my childhood. I have a very clear goal in my mind but on the other hand my boyfriend is doing nothing. He is one year older than me(I'm 20). We both have different caste. I really love him but he wants time in relationship and complain all the time that I'm not giving 100% in relationship knowing all the problems I'm facing. I told him to atleast do something so that I can tell my family about him. He's trying but still very confused what he want to do in life. He aslo has problem as his family condition is not that good. And as I told you preparing for neet is already so hectic for me for 3 years. I wanted to break up and told him everything. At that time he said he'll anything I should wait but when I asked him in what college do you want go what do you want to do..he said why I'll tell you this(I guess he was nervous that if tells me he's doing nothing I'll leave him)I'm really confused what should I do..how will I tell my parents about him if he ain't doing anything..I'm working really hard for my future what will happen if he doesn't work hard.

Reading what you have written it sounds to me like you know exactly what is right for you, but you feel guilty about doing it. Your boyfriend hasn't done anything particularly wrong, but you feel guilty about telling him that the relationship just isn't working or right for you. Sometimes in life we have to put our own needs first, even if that does mean that somebody else gets hurt because you only get one life and why should you go about putting all of your work into giving everyone else the life that they want while you do not get the same? It sounds like you've already told him how you feel, and given him a chance but he's still not actually done anything because he says he is confused. Breaking up is hard to do on the other person, but then sticking in a relationship that isn't working is just hard on you. I can't tell you the right thing to do but if you stay with this person, go through college, get married, have kids and he still hasn't changed then will you be happy or miserable? People always promise to change and rarely do, so you have to look at him and think do you want the person that he is now in your future, if the answer is no then you have your answer.
Reply 2
Original post by BeingBoring
Reading what you have written it sounds to me like you know exactly what is right for you, but you feel guilty about doing it. Your boyfriend hasn't done anything particularly wrong, but you feel guilty about telling him that the relationship just isn't working or right for you. Sometimes in life we have to put our own needs first, even if that does mean that somebody else gets hurt because you only get one life and why should you go about putting all of your work into giving everyone else the life that they want while you do not get the same? It sounds like you've already told him how you feel, and given him a chance but he's still not actually done anything because he says he is confused. Breaking up is hard to do on the other person, but then sticking in a relationship that isn't working is just hard on you. I can't tell you the right thing to do but if you stay with this person, go through college, get married, have kids and he still hasn't changed then will you be happy or miserable? People always promise to change and rarely do, so you have to look at him and think do you want the person that he is now in your future, if the answer is no then you have your answer.

Thankyou soo much for suggesting me this. I was very confused. He's a nice guy but I want different things for my future. Being a student who is preparing for the same exam for two years and failed in both. It was getting very hectic for me to handle my studies, my family problems and my relationship issues together this year . I mean there are some people who can manage all these things but for me I was getting depressed, pressurised and nervous that what should I do. I'm hard working and I'm sure I'll pass the exam this year but he ain't doing anything and I don't want to limit myself. I want to do more for myself and my family . Honestly when I told him he said "you are very selfish, only thinking about money and you will not get any happiness in the future"
I was feeling so guilty that "am I really that selfish !??" " Am I gold digger" .
Original post by Muskannn__
Thankyou soo much for suggesting me this. I was very confused. He's a nice guy but I want different things for my future. Being a student who is preparing for the same exam for two years and failed in both. It was getting very hectic for me to handle my studies, my family problems and my relationship issues together this year . I mean there are some people who can manage all these things but for me I was getting depressed, pressurised and nervous that what should I do. I'm hard working and I'm sure I'll pass the exam this year but he ain't doing anything and I don't want to limit myself. I want to do more for myself and my family . Honestly when I told him he said "you are very selfish, only thinking about money and you will not get any happiness in the future"
I was feeling so guilty that "am I really that selfish !??" " Am I gold digger" .

No. A gold digger is somebody who is the opposite of you, they want money and success without working for it which you are obviously prepared to do. There is nothing wrong with wanting to concentrate on studying if that is what you wish to do, and if he cared about you he would understand and respect that. When you are with somebody who has different priorities or goals to you then they will want you to spend your time on the things that they want to do, which understandably adds pressure as you are then spending time away from the things that are important to you. Breaking up a relationship is never an easy thing to do, especially if the other person doesn't feel the same way, but you do not exist just to make your boyfriend happy and you should not be feeling depressed or pressurised by staying with him. He will say many things to try and hurt you as he will be upset, but the most important thing in any relationship is that you should feel happy and if you are not then it is time to change.
Original post by Muskannn__
Thankyou soo much for suggesting me this. I was very confused. He's a nice guy but I want different things for my future. Being a student who is preparing for the same exam for two years and failed in both. It was getting very hectic for me to handle my studies, my family problems and my relationship issues together this year . I mean there are some people who can manage all these things but for me I was getting depressed, pressurised and nervous that what should I do. I'm hard working and I'm sure I'll pass the exam this year but he ain't doing anything and I don't want to limit myself. I want to do more for myself and my family . Honestly when I told him he said "you are very selfish, only thinking about money and you will not get any happiness in the future"
I was feeling so guilty that "am I really that selfish !??" " Am I gold digger" .


I think it is time you broke up with him
Relationship won't work if only one of you is happy with it.
Reply 6
Original post by BeingBoring
No. A gold digger is somebody who is the opposite of you, they want money and success without working for it which you are obviously prepared to do. There is nothing wrong with wanting to concentrate on studying if that is what you wish to do, and if he cared about you he would understand and respect that. When you are with somebody who has different priorities or goals to you then they will want you to spend your time on the things that they want to do, which understandably adds pressure as you are then spending time away from the things that are important to you. Breaking up a relationship is never an easy thing to do, especially if the other person doesn't feel the same way, but you do not exist just to make your boyfriend happy and you should not be feeling depressed or pressurised by staying with him. He will say many things to try and hurt you as he will be upset, but the most important thing in any relationship is that you should feel happy and if you are not then it is time to change.


So I did. I did broke up with him yesterday. I finally said everything to him and explained everything again very calmly and lovingly. He wasn't ready tbh but he said if "you have decided it already what could I do then" but at last he agreed. We both argued and cried. He said " will you be back if I get succeeded in future ". I said "I'll be the one more happy if you get succeeded in future but for now I think it's better to end this" . And I think it's better for him too. I don't want to hurt him anymore. And I said to him that if he feels very low he can call me sometimes. He kinda blamed me too but I guess I deserve to be blamed.For now, I'll fully devote myself to myself. I'll study more hard. I hope everything gets better with time.And i really want to thankyou for guiding me. THANKYOU!!!
(edited 11 months ago)
Reply 7
Original post by BeingBoring
No. A gold digger is somebody who is the opposite of you, they want money and success without working for it which you are obviously prepared to do. There is nothing wrong with wanting to concentrate on studying if that is what you wish to do, and if he cared about you he would understand and respect that. When you are with somebody who has different priorities or goals to you then they will want you to spend your time on the things that they want to do, which understandably adds pressure as you are then spending time away from the things that are important to you. Breaking up a relationship is never an easy thing to do, especially if the other person doesn't feel the same way, but you do not exist just to make your boyfriend happy and you should not be feeling depressed or pressurised by staying with him. He will say many things to try and hurt you as he will be upset, but the most important thing in any relationship is that you should feel happy and if you are not then it is time to change.

I really think he deserved better. But I guess for now it's time to say goodbye. I have to study hard if I want to support my family. I have too much to handle already. I hope he gets it one day
(edited 11 months ago)
Reply 8
Original post by A jaded girl
I think it is time you broke up with him

I did. I'm very nervous at this moment. Feeling really bad for him. But I guess it was right. I hope he gets better and happy with the time
Reply 9
Original post by NonIndigenous
Relationship won't work if only one of you is happy with it.


Yeah I guess you are right. He deserved more .
Original post by Muskannn__
I did. I'm very nervous at this moment. Feeling really bad for him. But I guess it was right. I hope he gets better and happy with the time


You did the right thing, if you are not happy then it is better to get out
Original post by Muskannn__
So I did. I did broke up with him yesterday. I finally said everything to him and explained everything again very calmly and lovingly. He wasn't ready tbh but he said if "you have decided it already what could I do then" but at last he agreed. We both argued and cried. He said " will you be back if I get succeeded in future ". I said "I'll be the one more happy if you get succeeded in future but for now I think it's better to end this" . And I think it's better for him too. I don't want to hurt him anymore. And I said to him that if he feels very low he can call me sometimes. He kinda blamed me too but I guess I deserve to be blamed.For now, I'll fully devote myself to myself. I'll study more hard. I hope everything gets better with time.And i really want to thankyou for guiding me. THANKYOU!!!

Take good care of yourself, don't let him make you feel guilty and bad about it and I hope you do well in your exams!!
Original post by Anonymous
Yeah I guess you are right. He deserved more .


What a silly immature comment, made anonymously I notice. Nobody 'deserves' a partner who endures being unhappy in the relationship just because they are happy with it. That is what dating is for, we experience what it is like to be with that person and if they are not right for us then it is always right to call an end to it. Having said all that I expect this anonymous comment was probably just intended to make the poster feel bad which she should not.
Original post by Anonymous
Yeah I guess you are right. He deserved more .

I admire your empathy for him, but I also think you're putting yourself down too much.

You both deserve more. Maybe you're right for each other, but it's the wrong time in your lives to maintain a relationship. You clearly have other problems & priorities that are getting in the way of it. And he clearly has needs & expectations that clash with those priorities. Maybe if the circumstances were different, it could work, but I am not sure if there is anything you can do about that.
(edited 10 months ago)
Original post by NonIndigenous
I admire your empathy for him, but I also think you're putting yourself down too much.

You both deserve more. Maybe you're right for each other, but it's the wrong time in your lives to maintain a relationship. You clearly have other problems & priorities that are getting in the way of it. And he clearly has needs & expectations that clash with those priorities. Maybe if the circumstances were different, it could work, but I am not sure if there is anything you can do about that.

Really 🥺I'm so glad to hear that. I hope everything goes well. And I also think that this decision is right for both of us.

Quick Reply

Latest

Trending

Trending