Learning to think before I act

Hi everyone,

Thanks for reading.

I was on a train with some friends today when an old lady started preaching in what I would call an 'aggressive' way (hellfire, brimstone, death, etc.). Everyone in the carriage ignored her for a while until I impulsively decided to shout back at her, saying "Excuse me! Stop!"

My friends then rightfully told me to stop as it wasn't worth it, and I didn't say another word to the woman, who continued to preach before someone spoke to her in a much kinder fashion and asked her to stop.

I'm appalled and embarrassed by the way I reacted. My brother, who was with me at the time, explained how escalating a situation like that doesn't help anyone and causes more trouble for everyone in the carriage. He was completely right, and I wish I had taken that extra second to really think about what I was about to do. I apologised to my friends after the journey but have been brewing over the situation all day.

The event is done and dusted and can't be changed, but it still bothers me for the following reasons:
1. It was out of character for me - I've never confronted anyone like that before.
2. Even though what the woman was doing was, in my opinion, wrong, I feel bad for talking to her like that, rather than addressing the problem in a calmer manner.
3. I'm 26 years old now with a job, home, etc. Surely I should be past such impulsive, childish behaviour and know to think before I put my foot in it.

2 questions for you:
1. Was I wrong to do what I did given the context?
2. How did you learn to think before you speak. Do you have any advice or tips?

Thanks in advance

To your first question: Was it wrong? Well, let's just say it wasn't the ideal response. It’s understandable that you reacted in the heat of the moment - your intentions weren't bad, you wanted to protect your peace and the peace of others around you. However, as your brother pointed out, it may have been more effective to deal with the situation in a calm and respectful manner, despite how the lady was behaving.

And now, to your second question: How to think before you speak? Picture your mind as a speed bump that your words have to cross before they jump out of your mouth. Create a momentary pause to ask, "What impact will my words have?" It takes practice, but over time, it'll be second nature.

Remember, we're all aboard this learning train called life. Just because you're 26, have a job, a home, etc., doesn't mean you've got all the answers. It's a lifelong journey, my friend, and each station along the way offers a new lesson. Today's lesson: patience and empathy, even when faced with hellfire and brimstone.

So, don't be too hard on yourself. Take this as an opportunity to grow, and remember that every day is a new day to be a better version of ourselves. Keep chugging along!

Fantastic advice. Do people actually pause to think what impact will my words have? I haven't come across that and wondered if people actually do that.

I do think that, lately, people have been failing to do so. The impact it can create is really astonishing for achieving peace at least for yourself and avoid any sort of arguments and awkward situations like the OPs.