The Student Room Group

how far away should you move from your home to feel independent?

I’m wanting to go to my home city for uni and still move out but I’m worried I wouldn’t feel independent because it’s not very far from home, does anyone have any experience of this and how it went for them?
I don't think the distance specifically matters that much? You're either living with your family, presumably under their rules, or you are making your own way and choices. I would argue distance/new places is an entirely different comfort zone.

Moving out and living by yourself is a genuine skill that needs practice imo, all the better to do it somewhere familiar if possible.
It depends more upon your specific ambitions, finances, personal circumstances and the household/extended family dynamic than the distance.

A young healthy uni student with very obliging parents/siblings who frequently spoils them with lots of practical assistance or access to providers of freebies that would be expensive if purchased, probably should move very far away from their very generous relatives in order to obtain the maximum possible opportunity for independent adult life without much involvement from those family members whilst living at student accommodation nearby.
The type of older household members who have long been in the habit of doing things like: buying them everything they want, cleaning their bedroom, driving them wherever they want to go every day even when having received very little notice, doing their laundry, providing them with homecooked meals and access to large sums of money or credit card in their name as additional card holder to credit facilities with five digit limits.

For the average student who opts for a local uni charging local home students relatively low tuition fees having been raised in the average household by reasonably pleasant & helpful relatives or non-related legal guardians who always encouraged them to use their common sense, work hard, widen their skillsets and save up some cash for emergencies- renting a room in a bargain priced all inclusive houseshare/ student only studio complex within a 20min walk of where their closest relatives live may well be their best option.
Limited travel costs and the possibility of accomodation expenses easily covered by the student maintainence loan.
Easy to visit family members at weekends, during the holidays, attend special occasion gatherings or in the event of an emergency.
Yet also easy to learn how to live with housemates as a new adult studying and learning how to adapt to student life whilst at uni living away from their family members.

A teenage to early 20s aged student who has never lived alone or away from relatives and was raised within an overbearing household/ by ultra ambitious 'helicopter' parents will probably want to put a lot of distance between themselves & all those members of their household.
So that they can maximise the potential opportunities for them to be able to enjoy their privacy and freedom at uni as they learn how to become self-reliant adults deciding upon the direction of their future life.

Whilst a student who has been raised within either a very dysfunctional household, by habitually criminal adults or in toxic domestic environment with a history of abusive incidents will know that they need to run for the hills as far away as they can get to avoid their health and all prospects of building a happy future life being ruined by a continuation of the vicious circle.

I was a lifelong Londoner until my mid twenties and now I wish that I had moved out of London for my undergrad.
I was raised in a toxic & controlling household and grew up surrounded by unreasonable people who constantly imposed their foul thuggery and bizarre rules upon me.
I escaped 10 years ago before a levels were over but should have known better than to risk staying in London for so many years of my student life.
Original post by Anonymous
I’m wanting to go to my home city for uni and still move out but I’m worried I wouldn’t feel independent because it’s not very far from home, does anyone have any experience of this and how it went for them?


Hi!

Personally, I found that it didn't matter how far I moved away. Since I wasn't living at home, I still had to do all the things that come with living independently. I still had control of my own time, and had cook etc so for me even though I wasn't very far away I still felt like I was living independently. Moving to a uni that's close to home also means that is it easier to get back home for holidays and you can easily pop back mid-term if you want to!

Best wishes,
Florence (Lancaster University student ambassador)
Original post by Anonymous
I’m wanting to go to my home city for uni and still move out but I’m worried I wouldn’t feel independent because it’s not very far from home, does anyone have any experience of this and how it went for them?


There's honestly no rules. You could move out from your home and still live in the same town/city and still feel independent it just depends on you and what you want to achieve. You'll still be immersed in student accommodation and making new friends so your experience will be just like everyone elses. If your hometown uni is the best fit for you course/support wise, I say go for it :smile:
Original post by Anonymous
I’m wanting to go to my home city for uni and still move out but I’m worried I wouldn’t feel independent because it’s not very far from home, does anyone have any experience of this and how it went for them?

Hi there, :smile:

I don't think there is really a specific distance. I lived 30 minutes away from uni and chose to live in student accommodation. I felt very independent as I was in control of my day, cooked all my own meals, managed my own time and budget. I felt the freedom of being able to go out whenever I wanted and work my studies around a social life. I also liked knowing that it wasn't too far if I wanted to pop home for the weekend to see my family.

Best wishes,
Sarah
Original post by Anonymous
I’m wanting to go to my home city for uni and still move out but I’m worried I wouldn’t feel independent because it’s not very far from home, does anyone have any experience of this and how it went for them?

Hi there,
Personally, I think you will gain independence from living away from home regardless of whether you move 30 minutes down the road, or 5 hours away. This is because you gain independence from taking on more responsibility for yourself, like through cooking, cleaning, and doing laundry for yourself. For example, my chosen university is actually only an hour commute from where I live usually, which gave me the choice to commute or move out. I chose to move out which both enabled me to stay close to home and increase my independence levels significantly.
Best of luck for the future
Megan H (University of Lincoln BSc (Hons) Geography Graduate)
Original post by Anonymous
I’m wanting to go to my home city for uni and still move out but I’m worried I wouldn’t feel independent because it’s not very far from home, does anyone have any experience of this and how it went for them?


Hi there,
Completely agree with the other posters, I think you'll experience independence whether you move 5 miles away or 50 miles away! I moved to my nearest uni city which was about 10-minutes away by train. Just moving out of my family home was enough to make me feel independent (e.g. having to do cleaning/cooking by myself) but it was also nice to be close-ish to home for family support when I needed it.

Hope this helps!

- Sophie
It probably really depends on you. When I first went to uni, I went to a uni that was about 20-30 minutes away from home. Although I didn't have to, because I had the opportunity and was struggling to adjust, I ended up going home almost every weekend. Which really didn't help me adjust to things anyway. I then went to another uni about 3 hours by train from home and it helped me gain a lot more independence as I couldn't just rely on the crutch of going home to familiar things constantly and would need to figure stuff out for myself, get involved in things and with other people to do stuff on the weekend and so on.

So I would say that if you do end up going to uni near home, really try and avoid relying on the close proximity to go home as a crutch! Try and focus on developing your new lifestyle in your new place instead :smile:

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