She keeps bringing up how I hurt her in the past

I get it she is feeling very insecure now but she accepted me, and accepted, said herself that I've changed. And I know I've changed. She's mentioned stuff like the above many many times in the short time we've been together. I know she's hurt, but I asked her to give me a chance to show how much she means to me. She did, and that's what I'm doing.

How do I get her to stop feeling this and keep bringing the past up? 95% of the time it's perfect, then 5% of the time she gets very upset and brings up the past. I only want her right now, I must have told her a 100 times. She wouldn't have taken me back if she knew I was still the same??

Your relationship is suffering because there has been a breach of trust. You are OK because you are the offending party and it is difficult to appreciate what she felt at the time as she is the 'injured' party. Your gf is not ok because relatively nothing has really changed, and she is expected to believe this (from you) so she is always looking for reasons that your behaviour might hide something. In her mind why would you suddenly change as a person who has crossed that line and 'strayed' to someone who does not do that now? She probably feels 'second best' Most serial philanderers remain just that and the saying 'a leopard never changes its spots' is very true. It is the behaviour of always looking over into to the next field to see if the 'grass is greener' How will you know if you don't try? By the time you have 'played the field' you might settle a little. I believe they have even identified a gene for just such behaviour?

So the insecurity beast rears its ugly head. You may have to put up with a lot of outbursts and/or go overboard to reassure your girlfriend 'she is the one' But is this until you see something potentially more exciting and amazing, and you could just be tempted (again)? But equally if you two are going to make a go of it you both have to start from each other accepting there was damage done. You can't undo the past and your past actions. Your behaviour has to go the extra mile to assure her you are staying (not straying) and she has to stop using this as a permanent cosh to hold over your head for as long as she feels like it for the next few decades. That is unfair. You can only deal with this by talking openly about how you both feel and inching along a day at a time to repair and build the trust. Then try and understand each others perspectives, and outlooks, in other words what you did and why, and what you both need to stay happy going forward.

Only the two know what you both want, and how far you are both prepared to go to give this relationship the 'last chance saloon?' You are also in danger of entering into a potentially lethal toxic relationship where it is 'on' then 'off' then 'on' etc etc - This typically happens where there is a weak insecure female and a dominant confident male, a male who needs comfort and security but also wants excitement and the thrill of the chase. The other option is acknowledge you made a mistake and move on, leave this girl alone, because you know you will go off again? At least then you can keep searching for the 'one' until you are so worn out you can't be bothered trying any more. Probably when you are at least 90?

You're a bit/very naive if you thought calling and claiming to have changed was going to magically undo the repulsive way you behaved to her before, that lack of trust isn't going anywhere fast - you might just need to suck it up for a year or so if you are serious. She has every reason to keep doubting you - push comes to shove she won't be convinced you've changed (I'm not), it's the sort of thing you learn to stop taking peoples word for, esp over a short period of time.

About two years ago I was kind of going out with her but I was also going out with other girls. I was less mature then, and I appreciate I've done wrong then but I'm changed now.

She found out that I wasn't serious and she was very deeply serious back then and we split up for a while.

Recently I started missing her again so I messaged her and apologised and said that was me before and I'm not like that now. And I also said not being with her gave me time to reflect and realise I wanted her instead of the others that I'm talking to. She told me I really hurt her with the things I done, like openly telling my mates I'm messing about with her and that kind of stuff. She told me she cried and really felt hurt and asked me why I hurt her so much and what did she ever do to me for me to do this to her. I accepted I was bad then, but she also understood and commented that I seem different now and she was happy to give it another go.

I told her that I am committed to her and I will or have stopped messaging other girls.

It's been really nice having her back in my life and whilst it's tempting to meet new girls, I happy with her and I don't tell people I'm single now.

We have mostly good days now - I'm happy with her. But every few days she gets really upset randomly and brings up the past thinking that I'm talking to other girls. She'll ask me stuff like 'are you just using me again, please say you're not' and then loads of crying emojis. Every time I'm out, she's worried I'm talking to other girls when I'm not. I appreciate if I am good looking, it's subjective, but I have to be truthful I'm not some sort of 10/10 guy where just when I walk out I get hundreds of girls just queuing up for me. I appreciate I get some attention, but I haven't responded to them since I got back.

I get it she is feeling very insecure now but she accepted me, and accepted, said herself that I've changed. And I know I've changed. She's mentioned stuff like the above many many times in the short time we've been together. I know she's hurt, but I asked her to give me a chance to show how much she means to me. She did, and that's what I'm doing.

How do I get her to stop feeling this and keep bringing the past up? 95% of the time it's perfect, then 5% of the time she gets very upset and brings up the past. I only want her right now, I must have told her a 100 times. She wouldn't have taken me back if she knew I was still the same??

No I definitely have changed. I know deep inside how I feel. She accepted me back when I fully thought it was over. She blocked me for that whole time until I said sorry.

I have changed. It's difficult because we are committed to each other then every so often she brings up the hurt.

I appreciate all that's happened and I aplogised for actions but she needs to understand that I'm different now and I won't hurt her because I care about her.

I appreciate all that's happened and I aplogised for actions but she needs to understand that I'm different now and I won't hurt her because I care about her.

No, she doesn't, you need to convince her and it's entirely possible you will fail. If someone takes months or even years to get over how you acted you might to need to accept that's your fault, not theirs for not getting over it quick enough for your tastes.

Essentially you can expect to get this thrown in your face for quite some time, and if you are serious you need to just suck it up, you don't have a leg to stand on claiming you don't want to hear about it anymore.