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Why do I feel like my ex is just in a rebound relationship? And will return?

So my ex split up with me like 2 months ago now, she's very much the dismissive-avoidant (We ended after we got intimate, and things became too real and she didn't want commitment) so despite her not wanting to do so, she sabotaged a perfectly happy relationship in its infancy.

Two weeks later, she got drunk and met this guy and from what I know and she's told me she was on a casual ship with this dude and that "It just happened" - despite that, she wanted to keep me around and not let me go, but It was a very messy aftermath and I finally found my self-worth and walked away.

It's like two weeks after a thing with me, and hurting how I feel, not apologising or really acknowledging my feelings - her self-serving avoidance of guilt, confrontation, responsibility, accountability, and reality - and to make things weirder, the guy looks exactly like me.

Even whilst with this other dude, she's put stuff on social media that is about me/directed at me. This makes me believe she's not over me and probably won't be.

The question is, how on earth could I trust her again? If she ever did come back? Because I am meeting new girls and talking to new people that respect my feelings and emotions.
Reply 1
Original post by Anonymous
So my ex split up with me like 2 months ago now, she's very much the dismissive-avoidant (We ended after we got intimate, and things became too real and she didn't want commitment) so despite her not wanting to do so, she sabotaged a perfectly happy relationship in its infancy.

Two weeks later, she got drunk and met this guy and from what I know and she's told me she was on a casual ship with this dude and that "It just happened" - despite that, she wanted to keep me around and not let me go, but It was a very messy aftermath and I finally found my self-worth and walked away.

It's like two weeks after a thing with me, and hurting how I feel, not apologising or really acknowledging my feelings - her self-serving avoidance of guilt, confrontation, responsibility, accountability, and reality - and to make things weirder, the guy looks exactly like me.

Even whilst with this other dude, she's put stuff on social media that is about me/directed at me. This makes me believe she's not over me and probably won't be.

The question is, how on earth could I trust her again? If she ever did come back? Because I am meeting new girls and talking to new people that respect my feelings and emotions.

The simplest thing you can do is move on and find someone who's worth it and can commit to you. Even if she prefers to comeback ever, just ignore her. She isn't worth it. Also, it's better not to show emotions when she's trying to bother you through her actions. Good luck! :crossedf:
Reply 2
No future in the past generally. Go with the new people
Reply 3
Original post by Meheraj
The simplest thing you can do is move on and find someone who's worth it and can commit to you. Even if she prefers to comeback ever, just ignore her. She isn't worth it. Also, it's better not to show emotions when she's trying to bother you through her actions. Good luck! :crossedf:

Yes, understandable - I am looking at, she did it once, she could and can do it again.

I am just worried that she will come back, and very strongly and how I deal with that is going to be difficult for me to just ignore as she meant a LOT to me. She's already mentioned how I made her happy, that she appreciated me and our time together and I think this lifetime distance I am now deciding to giver her, will pull her back to me, especially when it fails with this other dude.
Original post by Zarek
No future in the past generally. Go with the new people

I agree with that sentiment, but rejecting her will be a huge thing for me to do considering.
Reply 4
Original post by Anonymous
Yes, understandable - I am looking at, she did it once, she could and can do it again.

I am just worried that she will come back, and very strongly and how I deal with that is going to be difficult for me to just ignore as she meant a LOT to me. She's already mentioned how I made her happy, that she appreciated me and our time together and I think this lifetime distance I am now deciding to giver her, will pull her back to me, especially when it fails with this other dude.

Yeah, that's why I told you to ignore her. She failed to win your trust and she can do it again by blackmailing you emotionally. Hence, it's better to get rid of her for your own welfare.

I can relate a lot to your emotions. But you've to accept that she did unjust to you and you shouldn't engage with people who do something like this. So, just get over it because there is a worthy one waiting for you and she'll be there for you only. All the best! :crossedf:
Original post by Anonymous
The question is, how on earth could I trust her again? If she ever did come back?


Don't give her the option. She's only keeping you on the hook up as a back-up in case things don't work out with this guy. You deserve better mate.
(edited 11 months ago)
Reply 6
Yeah - she won it then smashed it into a million pieces. I know with her cryptic stories and posts were not random and directed at me, and that she was trying to emotionally blackmail me, but now that's muted I can just move on easier.

Problem is, I can see her ringing me in the future all emotional or turning up at my workplace. How do I deal with that? She's obviously extremely emotionally and maybe even mentally unstable.
Original post by Meheraj
Yeah, that's why I told you to ignore her. She failed to win your trust and she can do it again by blackmailing you emotionally. Hence, it's better to get rid of her for your own welfare.

I can relate a lot to your emotions. But you've to accept that she did unjust to you and you shouldn't engage with people who do something like this. So, just get over it because there is a worthy one waiting for you and she'll be there for you only. All the best! :crossedf:


Original post by 1582
Don't give her the option. She's only keeping you on the hook up as a back-up in case things don't work out with this guy. You deserve better mate.
Reply 7
Original post by Anonymous
Problem is, I can see her ringing me in the future all emotional or turning up at my workplace. How do I deal with that? She's obviously extremely emotionally and maybe even mentally unstable.

Block her. Tell family and friends to block her. Report her to the police if she starts harassing you, with evidence and witnesses.
Reply 8
Original post by Surnia
Block her. Tell family and friends to block her. Report her to the police if she starts harassing you, with evidence and witnesses.

I did speak to the Police at work, they looked at the messaging she was doing and the previous stalking she alleged she was doing and they said it might actually be "Emotional abuse" - but I didn't want to talk it formally at that point, it was too "heavy".
Reply 9
Original post by Anonymous
Yeah - she won it then smashed it into a million pieces. I know with her cryptic stories and posts were not random and directed at me, and that she was trying to emotionally blackmail me, but now that's muted I can just move on easier.

Problem is, I can see her ringing me in the future all emotional or turning up at my workplace. How do I deal with that? She's obviously extremely emotionally and maybe even mentally unstable.

Just tell her directly that you'll take stern steps if she doesn't stop bothering you.
Reply 10
Original post by Anonymous
So my ex split up with me like 2 months ago now, she's very much the dismissive-avoidant (We ended after we got intimate, and things became too real and she didn't want commitment) so despite her not wanting to do so, she sabotaged a perfectly happy relationship in its infancy.

Two weeks later, she got drunk and met this guy and from what I know and she's told me she was on a casual ship with this dude and that "It just happened" - despite that, she wanted to keep me around and not let me go, but It was a very messy aftermath and I finally found my self-worth and walked away.

It's like two weeks after a thing with me, and hurting how I feel, not apologising or really acknowledging my feelings - her self-serving avoidance of guilt, confrontation, responsibility, accountability, and reality - and to make things weirder, the guy looks exactly like me.

Even whilst with this other dude, she's put stuff on social media that is about me/directed at me. This makes me believe she's not over me and probably won't be.

The question is, how on earth could I trust her again? If she ever did come back? Because I am meeting new girls and talking to new people that respect my feelings and emotions.


Perhaps he is a bad guy and you are just a melt

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