How to get over her sexual past?

he would force it on her...

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...I feel like I am not doing any of it right and that he was probably better in fact not probably but definitely...

You're doing it better!

Even if you're not doing the deed 'good' right now it'll come with experience, no one is good at it right away (or very rarely at least). It's good that she's communicating with you about it because then it'll be easier for you to 'improve'. Also you're automatically better than him if you're not forcing yourself onto her.

How so?

Hi everyone I don't really like making posts here as It makes me feel like I don't know what I am doing.. but was wondering if anyone can give me advice..

So I have been dating this girl for the past year and everything has been going well we recently did the 'deed' and after which we spoke about it and she mentioned she did it before but I never did, so I told her that. After which, she explain how she had an ex before me and that they used to do that but it was more 'casual' and he would force it on her this made me feel jealous and whilst that is not a good feeling and I shouldn't be blaming her for her past I just started comparing myself to him.

I have a lot of insecurities and the biggest being the 'deed' related. So after I asked her about things and she told me how he did certain things I don't know why I feel like I am not doing any of it right and that he was probably better in fact not probably but definitely...

I want to get over this because It's been on my mind for a good few months now and I keep getting upset because of it as immature as some people will think it is. But I am looking for advice or if anyone has had any similar experience?

Thanks

By getting consent

Yes I was not even planning to do the 'deed' but she ended up asking me have I ever done it before and then said she wants to with me and started teaching me things about it so she took the lead but how do I get over the fact that she was with her ex and they used do that I want to forget about it I keep thinking of them doing

If you like her it’s normal to feel jealous but you have to realise that she’s choosing to be with you and is sleeping with you because she wants you.

It’s great that she’s communicating maybe open up to her and tell her that you feel this way. In general i don’t think comparing partners is ever a good thing but especially if it’s bothering you if you tell her then it might help and she won’t keep bringing him up again. She also may be better at reassuring you and making you feel more relaxed about her experience.

Don't forget that she broke up with her ex for a reason and she is with you now. She has feelings for you and clearly trusts you if she's communicating and asking to do the deed with you. Listen to what she wants and communicate with her because that's the only way you'll please her.

True but what if she is thinking I am not good at it?

The only way to know is to ask her. Even if she does think that, you can improve by letting her be honest with you and telling what you should do better. If you create a safe space to talk about it, it'll feel a lot more comfortable and both of you will get what you want out of it. And also if she really likes you she won't just stop liking you or think her ex is better, she'll be patient and understanding.

Thank you so much I will do that! But how would you recommend I get over the fact she was with her ex and how to stop comparing myself to him

I know it can be hard but think about it - you have an advantage over him because you're the one that's in a relationship with her right now. You have the chance to treat her right and he clearly didn't know how to do that. You're already doing better than him from what I'm reading because you ask for consent. The most you can do is be yourself and respect her needs/boundaries and if that's not enough for her then it's not your problem.

What would you suggest I talk about? I am scared to tell her that I feel like it was better with her ex than me?

What would you suggest I talk about? I am scared to tell her that I feel like it was better with her ex than me?

It's poor communication skills if you've dated for a year and the subject of sex hasn't cropped up in all that time! Either you ask straightaway to find out if a date is a virgin or you accept that it's more likely people will have a sexual history.

You don't bring her ex into the conversation now. You discuss what works, or doesn't, for you and her; you're the one she's in a relationship and sleeping with.

Try saying that you find yourself comparing yourself to her ex unconsciously and it’s bothering you.

For reference I have never been in a relationship before this and I am in my late 20s now, It hasn't in all honesty I have never seen that topic to be of interest, fair point! Thank you