Getting taken advantage of while sleeping
Hi, this is a difficult one for me to say and I have lots of lovely friends around me that are being so supportive. On Tuesday night I was working and we ended up having some drinks with the managers. I got quite drunk and one of the staff said he wanted to bike me home. I repeatedly said no and that I was fine (he also is aware that I have a long term boyfriend who is currently travelling). He keeps saying it and I eventually relent and we go to mine. I had had a nice time with him that evening and I was eventually making friends with my colleagues and enjoying their company. We sat at mine with a beer for a bit and it became clear that he liked me which i had not realised (I had a suspicion about one of the staff but genuinely didn't know it was him). I don't remember much but I showed him the spare room in which he could sleep and he kept asking if i would just lie beside him which of course i repeatedly said no to again. However, I woke up yesterday morning still in my work clothes to him touching me everywhere. I must have fallen asleep by accident but it was the most dehumanising and vile I've ever felt. Once the shock had set in, and I realised what was going on (I'm not even sure how much time I was there for), i got up and walked out. My housemate realised something was happening and got rid of him for me. I feel a combination of guilt for my boyfriend somehow and also just for myself for this happening even though it's not my fault. It's just the worst
Original post by Anonymous
Hi, this is a difficult one for me to say and I have lots of lovely friends around me that are being so supportive. On Tuesday night I was working and we ended up having some drinks with the managers. I got quite drunk and one of the staff said he wanted to bike me home. I repeatedly said no and that I was fine (he also is aware that I have a long term boyfriend who is currently travelling). He keeps saying it and I eventually relent and we go to mine. I had had a nice time with him that evening and I was eventually making friends with my colleagues and enjoying their company. We sat at mine with a beer for a bit and it became clear that he liked me which i had not realised (I had a suspicion about one of the staff but genuinely didn't know it was him). I don't remember much but I showed him the spare room in which he could sleep and he kept asking if i would just lie beside him which of course i repeatedly said no to again. However, I woke up yesterday morning still in my work clothes to him touching me everywhere. I must have fallen asleep by accident but it was the most dehumanising and vile I've ever felt. Once the shock had set in, and I realised what was going on (I'm not even sure how much time I was there for), i got up and walked out. My housemate realised something was happening and got rid of him for me. I feel a combination of guilt for my boyfriend somehow and also just for myself for this happening even though it's not my fault. It's just the worst
Sexual assault, report him to the police
Seconded - this is 100% not your fault in any way shape or form, he took advantage of you, please report and take care of yourself
Original post by Anonymous
xxxxx
Maybe the original poster did tell the fellow workers about the boyfriend?
But even if she didn't, she's quite entitled to keep her personal life private from her work colleagues.
She didn't invite him back. He repeatedly offered to bike her home. To which she repeatedly said "No". Until she caved in and allowed him to take her home. It's understandable that she wouldn't want to seem like too much of a stuck-up person, unwilling to accept generous offers from co-workers.
It's basic hospitality to offer a drink to one's guests. And then good manners to drink the same sort of thing as them.
It was late. She was tired. She was drunk. In that situation it's easy for her to fall asleep in the guest bedroom instead of her own.
I'm failing to see where there was any leading on from the original poster?
Trying to be a good platonic friend with her fellow worker was NOT leading him on.
I think your post has too much victim blaming in it.
I wouldn't want to discourage the original poster from wanting to get on with her fellow workers, from being a good host, nor from drinking booze from time to time.
The entirely understandable and totally legal and ethical behaviour of one person never justifies the illegal and evil behaviour of another person.
Original post by Anonymous
xxx
You are victim blaming. If a woman was sexually assaulting a man or a man was sexually assaulting another man then those things wouldn't be acceptable either. Women are allowed to play as hard to get as they like, if you don't like it you walk away - it is never ok to do anything that is non consensual - that's what we get taught at school.
Original post by Anonymous #2
xxx
I really hope you are a troll.
She said no. Then she was asleep when he started to sexually assault her.
It is not a crime to flirt, have a drink or be friendly. It is a crime to sexually assault someone who is asleep and does not consent.
This is 2023, men are responsible for their own behaviour. Just because he wanted sex does not mean that was entitled to it.
Sounds like there's a misogynist in the chat lol
Original post by Anonymous #1
Hi, this is a difficult one for me to say and I have lots of lovely friends around me that are being so supportive. On Tuesday night I was working and we ended up having some drinks with the managers. I got quite drunk and one of the staff said he wanted to bike me home. I repeatedly said no and that I was fine (he also is aware that I have a long term boyfriend who is currently travelling). He keeps saying it and I eventually relent and we go to mine. I had had a nice time with him that evening and I was eventually making friends with my colleagues and enjoying their company. We sat at mine with a beer for a bit and it became clear that he liked me which i had not realised (I had a suspicion about one of the staff but genuinely didn't know it was him). I don't remember much but I showed him the spare room in which he could sleep and he kept asking if i would just lie beside him which of course i repeatedly said no to again. However, I woke up yesterday morning still in my work clothes to him touching me everywhere. I must have fallen asleep by accident but it was the most dehumanising and vile I've ever felt. Once the shock had set in, and I realised what was going on (I'm not even sure how much time I was there for), i got up and walked out. My housemate realised something was happening and got rid of him for me. I feel a combination of guilt for my boyfriend somehow and also just for myself for this happening even though it's not my fault. It's just the worst
Why'd you get drunk though? That's haram.
Original post by Anonymous #3
Why'd you get drunk though? That's haram.
not everyone is religious .... why you blaming her, eveyrone there drank
There was no consent in what he did. You were not capable of giving it. He has committed a crime. He has defiled you and made you feel things you shouldn't have.
He needs to be made to stop and pay for his actions. The police ought to be involved.
I hope you can find the support and love you need from friends and professionals,
He needs to be made to stop and pay for his actions. The police ought to be involved.
I hope you can find the support and love you need from friends and professionals,
That's horrible ma'am, that's absolutely disgusting from the manager.
Confront him.
Confront him.
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