A lot of people have been telling me I don’t display a normal behaviour.

What does this mean?

(or GP)

I have borderline personality disorder 😭

There’s just one thing that’s bugging me

I’ve had 2 fps in my life.
Im a guy. go to uni with my second fp. This relationship ended badly. Only after it did I found out I have bpd and told her. My first fp was in high school, he, did not know I have bpd but it was a typical bpd fp experience. At the time I did not know I have bpd but we both knew there was something abnormal in the atmosphere, for example one thing I only caught up on now is why I would have the typical bpd stare I used to have with him, that I also had with my second fp and only realised this till after I realised I have bpd. Me and my first fp did not go to the same uni. At the end of high school he sent me a long letter on how he hated me and would never see me again after high school etc. do you think it’s worth me telling him I had bpd and he was my fp or should I just leave him behind in the past?

Another thing that’s bugging me is one of my senior lecturers telling me ‘ you don’t demonstrate a normal behavior. You don’t demonstrate a normal behaviour…. A normal behavior… a NORMAL behavior…’ multiple times
It was so rude of him to say it in such an undermining way and he didn’t realise it’s because I have a severe mental illness. fyi I have spent some thousands on mental health support as it caused me to interrupt a year of my studies already.

I don’t think you should message the guy from school. He has made it clear he does not like you and I doubt you telling him that you have BPD will change that. You building up hope for yourself that he might come back into your life will just hurt you. If you want to do it as a therapeutic exercise, write a letter and then burn it or something. *

With regards to the normal behaviour comment, no one here will be able to comment on whether it was said in undermining way, but shouting and swearing at your tutors is definitely not normal. This is the sort of thing to be addressing in therapy - I’m not sure TSR will be able to help you much here.

I don’t think you should message the guy from school. He has made it clear he does not like you and I doubt you telling him that you have BPD will change that. You building up hope for yourself that he might come back into your life will just hurt you. If you want to do it as a therapeutic exercise, write a letter and then burn it or something. *

With regards to the normal behaviour comment, no one here will be able to comment on whether it was said in undermining way, but shouting and swearing at your tutors is definitely not normal. This is the sort of thing to be addressing in therapy - I’m not sure TSR will be able to help you much here.

I was just wondering on a different topic

Would a pwbpd feel the same attraction toward an fp had they not had bpd?

I don't have BPD but I guess if BPD is characterised by emotions that are more intense than average, then there must be some kind of sympathy or bond that drew you to the FP in the first place, it's just that the intensity of your feelings is much stronger than it would be otherwise. Someone without BPD might like that person, even like them a lot, but they can still distance themselves away when needed, and be objective; whereas in your case, you might become so engrossed and idealise them to the point where you don't see any of their negative sides, you just see them as perfect (and then the FP idea gets stronger, and you want to spend more time with them and when they can't, that causes conflicts...)

Fair but I’ve never chosen either of my fp’s so I don’t necessarily like them
The bond was there without me choosing

the bond didn't come out of nowhere. something drew you to them on a subconscious level.