I creep everyone out because I’m quiet?
I’m stuck in an endless cycle.
The main situation is i’ve joined a uni society (i have no actual friends at this uni yet) and I just seem to stay quiet and closed off all the time I don’t know what to do. Of course as it’s a society, i have a shared interest with the other girls and they’re really nice but i feel anxious and lost in life whilst they have boyfriends, jobs, everything figured out, plus it’s a small uni society and theyre all already close. I know none of this matters but i get that thing where people will refer to me when talking to the other people in the room, instead of just addressing me since i seem so submissive. I also get the sense they’d just prefer to avoid me 1 on 1, but at the same time I understand because how on earth are you supposed to approach the person who doesn’t talk? It feels like every social situation I’m trapped in a cage of not being able to speak and when i do say something everyone reacts differently to when someone else is talking. Does anyone else relate with any of this? And how can i seem normal/have things to talk about?? It’s even worse because I’ve been in similar situations with old friends/at school so it feels like a cycle that i can never escape
The main situation is i’ve joined a uni society (i have no actual friends at this uni yet) and I just seem to stay quiet and closed off all the time I don’t know what to do. Of course as it’s a society, i have a shared interest with the other girls and they’re really nice but i feel anxious and lost in life whilst they have boyfriends, jobs, everything figured out, plus it’s a small uni society and theyre all already close. I know none of this matters but i get that thing where people will refer to me when talking to the other people in the room, instead of just addressing me since i seem so submissive. I also get the sense they’d just prefer to avoid me 1 on 1, but at the same time I understand because how on earth are you supposed to approach the person who doesn’t talk? It feels like every social situation I’m trapped in a cage of not being able to speak and when i do say something everyone reacts differently to when someone else is talking. Does anyone else relate with any of this? And how can i seem normal/have things to talk about?? It’s even worse because I’ve been in similar situations with old friends/at school so it feels like a cycle that i can never escape
Original post by unsweetenedblue
I’m stuck in an endless cycle.
The main situation is i’ve joined a uni society (i have no actual friends at this uni yet) and I just seem to stay quiet and closed off all the time I don’t know what to do. Of course as it’s a society, i have a shared interest with the other girls and they’re really nice but i feel anxious and lost in life whilst they have boyfriends, jobs, everything figured out, plus it’s a small uni society and theyre all already close. I know none of this matters but i get that thing where people will refer to me when talking to the other people in the room, instead of just addressing me since i seem so submissive. I also get the sense they’d just prefer to avoid me 1 on 1, but at the same time I understand because how on earth are you supposed to approach the person who doesn’t talk? It feels like every social situation I’m trapped in a cage of not being able to speak and when i do say something everyone reacts differently to when someone else is talking. Does anyone else relate with any of this? And how can i seem normal/have things to talk about?? It’s even worse because I’ve been in similar situations with old friends/at school so it feels like a cycle that i can never escape
The main situation is i’ve joined a uni society (i have no actual friends at this uni yet) and I just seem to stay quiet and closed off all the time I don’t know what to do. Of course as it’s a society, i have a shared interest with the other girls and they’re really nice but i feel anxious and lost in life whilst they have boyfriends, jobs, everything figured out, plus it’s a small uni society and theyre all already close. I know none of this matters but i get that thing where people will refer to me when talking to the other people in the room, instead of just addressing me since i seem so submissive. I also get the sense they’d just prefer to avoid me 1 on 1, but at the same time I understand because how on earth are you supposed to approach the person who doesn’t talk? It feels like every social situation I’m trapped in a cage of not being able to speak and when i do say something everyone reacts differently to when someone else is talking. Does anyone else relate with any of this? And how can i seem normal/have things to talk about?? It’s even worse because I’ve been in similar situations with old friends/at school so it feels like a cycle that i can never escape
Hey!
It's okay to feel overwhelmed when you meet new people. But I really appreciate, considering your pattern of the past, that you still went ahead and joined a society. I would advise you to firstly not feel bad about not talking to anyone and being quiet. You have to accept that you are a quieter person and it's totally okay to be that. Further, to build up a relationship, you can start with small talk and casual comments about general common things, rather putting the pressure on yourself of deep conversations. Further you can talk about their interests, experiences, casually compliment them, attend social events and just embrace who you are. Remember, building connections takes time, and it's okay to go at your own pace. The important thing is to be patient with yourself and take small steps to break out of your shell.
Best Wishes
Priya
Postgraduate Ambassador
University of Southampton
Original post by unsweetenedblue
I’m stuck in an endless cycle.
The main situation is i’ve joined a uni society (i have no actual friends at this uni yet) and I just seem to stay quiet and closed off all the time I don’t know what to do. Of course as it’s a society, i have a shared interest with the other girls and they’re really nice but i feel anxious and lost in life whilst they have boyfriends, jobs, everything figured out, plus it’s a small uni society and theyre all already close. I know none of this matters but i get that thing where people will refer to me when talking to the other people in the room, instead of just addressing me since i seem so submissive. I also get the sense they’d just prefer to avoid me 1 on 1, but at the same time I understand because how on earth are you supposed to approach the person who doesn’t talk? It feels like every social situation I’m trapped in a cage of not being able to speak and when i do say something everyone reacts differently to when someone else is talking. Does anyone else relate with any of this? And how can i seem normal/have things to talk about?? It’s even worse because I’ve been in similar situations with old friends/at school so it feels like a cycle that i can never escape
The main situation is i’ve joined a uni society (i have no actual friends at this uni yet) and I just seem to stay quiet and closed off all the time I don’t know what to do. Of course as it’s a society, i have a shared interest with the other girls and they’re really nice but i feel anxious and lost in life whilst they have boyfriends, jobs, everything figured out, plus it’s a small uni society and theyre all already close. I know none of this matters but i get that thing where people will refer to me when talking to the other people in the room, instead of just addressing me since i seem so submissive. I also get the sense they’d just prefer to avoid me 1 on 1, but at the same time I understand because how on earth are you supposed to approach the person who doesn’t talk? It feels like every social situation I’m trapped in a cage of not being able to speak and when i do say something everyone reacts differently to when someone else is talking. Does anyone else relate with any of this? And how can i seem normal/have things to talk about?? It’s even worse because I’ve been in similar situations with old friends/at school so it feels like a cycle that i can never escape
Hi,
Sorry you feel this way, making friends at university can be really tough.
The best piece of advice I could offer you would be to reach out to as many university services that you have on offer to you.
Some sort of wellbeing service may be able to help you in feeling this way and offer solutions moving forward.
On top of this, see if your university offers any sort of peer mentor scheme where they can buddy you with another university student who studies the same or a similar course. Peer mentors can often be very helpful as they've been in your position and show you places to go or things to join that you may not have thought of before.
Just know that everyone is in a position at university at some point where they need to make friends and are finding it difficult to do so, some people are just better at hiding this than others.
Best of luck, I hope things improve for you,
Meg 🙂
MA Popular Music Student
Original post by unsweetenedblue
I’m stuck in an endless cycle.
The main situation is i’ve joined a uni society (i have no actual friends at this uni yet) and I just seem to stay quiet and closed off all the time I don’t know what to do. Of course as it’s a society, i have a shared interest with the other girls and they’re really nice but i feel anxious and lost in life whilst they have boyfriends, jobs, everything figured out, plus it’s a small uni society and theyre all already close. I know none of this matters but i get that thing where people will refer to me when talking to the other people in the room, instead of just addressing me since i seem so submissive. I also get the sense they’d just prefer to avoid me 1 on 1, but at the same time I understand because how on earth are you supposed to approach the person who doesn’t talk? It feels like every social situation I’m trapped in a cage of not being able to speak and when i do say something everyone reacts differently to when someone else is talking. Does anyone else relate with any of this? And how can i seem normal/have things to talk about?? It’s even worse because I’ve been in similar situations with old friends/at school so it feels like a cycle that i can never escape
The main situation is i’ve joined a uni society (i have no actual friends at this uni yet) and I just seem to stay quiet and closed off all the time I don’t know what to do. Of course as it’s a society, i have a shared interest with the other girls and they’re really nice but i feel anxious and lost in life whilst they have boyfriends, jobs, everything figured out, plus it’s a small uni society and theyre all already close. I know none of this matters but i get that thing where people will refer to me when talking to the other people in the room, instead of just addressing me since i seem so submissive. I also get the sense they’d just prefer to avoid me 1 on 1, but at the same time I understand because how on earth are you supposed to approach the person who doesn’t talk? It feels like every social situation I’m trapped in a cage of not being able to speak and when i do say something everyone reacts differently to when someone else is talking. Does anyone else relate with any of this? And how can i seem normal/have things to talk about?? It’s even worse because I’ve been in similar situations with old friends/at school so it feels like a cycle that i can never escape
Hi there,
I'm sorry that you're in this situation. I used to feel similar to this in social settings, It can seem like a little bit of a constant circle but don't let it hold you back! If you have a conversation with one person and they act weird then try to take it in your stride and go up to the next. Some people just prefer to be judgemental. My advise is to be yourself but try to be positive and ask other people about themselves!
I hope this helps - it gets easier!
All the best,
Jaz - Cardiff student rep
I relate quite a lot to what you described. I've personally found Uni to be quite lonely at times. I've come to realise that I am on the autistic spectrum and have social anxiety to contend with too. I've joined a number of societies anf I'm mostly quiet. But, if someone brings up something and I feel I can contribute, I do so. Most of the time it goes nowhere, but it sometimes leads to more conversations.
I think my main piece of advice (which is the same thing I tell myself) is, don't give up. You are a good, interesting, person and you will find your people. It might take time, but emotional, real, friendships take time to establish.
Things will get better. Just keep at it.
I think my main piece of advice (which is the same thing I tell myself) is, don't give up. You are a good, interesting, person and you will find your people. It might take time, but emotional, real, friendships take time to establish.
Things will get better. Just keep at it.
Original post by unsweetenedblue
I’m stuck in an endless cycle.
The main situation is i’ve joined a uni society (i have no actual friends at this uni yet) and I just seem to stay quiet and closed off all the time I don’t know what to do. Of course as it’s a society, i have a shared interest with the other girls and they’re really nice but i feel anxious and lost in life whilst they have boyfriends, jobs, everything figured out, plus it’s a small uni society and theyre all already close. I know none of this matters but i get that thing where people will refer to me when talking to the other people in the room, instead of just addressing me since i seem so submissive. I also get the sense they’d just prefer to avoid me 1 on 1, but at the same time I understand because how on earth are you supposed to approach the person who doesn’t talk? It feels like every social situation I’m trapped in a cage of not being able to speak and when i do say something everyone reacts differently to when someone else is talking. Does anyone else relate with any of this? And how can i seem normal/have things to talk about?? It’s even worse because I’ve been in similar situations with old friends/at school so it feels like a cycle that i can never escape
The main situation is i’ve joined a uni society (i have no actual friends at this uni yet) and I just seem to stay quiet and closed off all the time I don’t know what to do. Of course as it’s a society, i have a shared interest with the other girls and they’re really nice but i feel anxious and lost in life whilst they have boyfriends, jobs, everything figured out, plus it’s a small uni society and theyre all already close. I know none of this matters but i get that thing where people will refer to me when talking to the other people in the room, instead of just addressing me since i seem so submissive. I also get the sense they’d just prefer to avoid me 1 on 1, but at the same time I understand because how on earth are you supposed to approach the person who doesn’t talk? It feels like every social situation I’m trapped in a cage of not being able to speak and when i do say something everyone reacts differently to when someone else is talking. Does anyone else relate with any of this? And how can i seem normal/have things to talk about?? It’s even worse because I’ve been in similar situations with old friends/at school so it feels like a cycle that i can never escape
Hi @unsweetenedblue ,
It can be really hard feeling like you have no friends and feeling lonely at uni. It's good that you have joined a society though, and maybe once you get to know everybody more you may start to feel more comfortable and come out of your shell a little bit more.
I'm sure you will find your people, it just takes time. Try talking to people one on one if this feels less overwhelming and this may start to evolve into something more. During the society, try and talk to people near you - ask about their course, how it's going, where they are from etc. These little conversations will probably lead into some more chats and it may also make the other girls in the society realise that you do want to be friends with them and you are approachable! Once you start the conversations, they will likely include you more and start talking to you one on one or as a group.
It may be that you will find your people elsewhere but do not give up because although it takes time, you will get there!
I hope this helps,
Lucy - SHU student ambassador.
Original post by unsweetenedblue
I’m stuck in an endless cycle.
The main situation is i’ve joined a uni society (i have no actual friends at this uni yet) and I just seem to stay quiet and closed off all the time I don’t know what to do. Of course as it’s a society, i have a shared interest with the other girls and they’re really nice but i feel anxious and lost in life whilst they have boyfriends, jobs, everything figured out, plus it’s a small uni society and theyre all already close. I know none of this matters but i get that thing where people will refer to me when talking to the other people in the room, instead of just addressing me since i seem so submissive. I also get the sense they’d just prefer to avoid me 1 on 1, but at the same time I understand because how on earth are you supposed to approach the person who doesn’t talk? It feels like every social situation I’m trapped in a cage of not being able to speak and when i do say something everyone reacts differently to when someone else is talking. Does anyone else relate with any of this? And how can i seem normal/have things to talk about?? It’s even worse because I’ve been in similar situations with old friends/at school so it feels like a cycle that i can never escape
The main situation is i’ve joined a uni society (i have no actual friends at this uni yet) and I just seem to stay quiet and closed off all the time I don’t know what to do. Of course as it’s a society, i have a shared interest with the other girls and they’re really nice but i feel anxious and lost in life whilst they have boyfriends, jobs, everything figured out, plus it’s a small uni society and theyre all already close. I know none of this matters but i get that thing where people will refer to me when talking to the other people in the room, instead of just addressing me since i seem so submissive. I also get the sense they’d just prefer to avoid me 1 on 1, but at the same time I understand because how on earth are you supposed to approach the person who doesn’t talk? It feels like every social situation I’m trapped in a cage of not being able to speak and when i do say something everyone reacts differently to when someone else is talking. Does anyone else relate with any of this? And how can i seem normal/have things to talk about?? It’s even worse because I’ve been in similar situations with old friends/at school so it feels like a cycle that i can never escape
Hey I have something similar too! You're definitely not alone.
My best advice is meet people in seminars; societies often draw in more extroverted people and as someone who's introverted and quiet shy societies just didn't work out for me. You can talk about the course and just go from there, it's how I only really speak to people.
If you mind me asking what university do you go to? I may be able to give better advice if I know more of your situation
You’ve taken the right step in joining a society to meet like minded people. It may take more than one society to find your tribe but you will. Try joining societies where you have an activity (as opposed to ´merely’ social) -a sports club for example. Try to have opportunities to meet people one to one for short periods of time - you may find it easier to open up then. And don’t despair, it may look like everyone is having a whale of a time but many people are lonely (despite the clubbing and partying), until they find their tribe, the people who will become life long friends. You will find them, be patient, be kind to yourself.
Original post by unsweetenedblue
I’m stuck in an endless cycle.
The main situation is i’ve joined a uni society (i have no actual friends at this uni yet) and I just seem to stay quiet and closed off all the time I don’t know what to do. Of course as it’s a society, i have a shared interest with the other girls and they’re really nice but i feel anxious and lost in life whilst they have boyfriends, jobs, everything figured out, plus it’s a small uni society and theyre all already close. I know none of this matters but i get that thing where people will refer to me when talking to the other people in the room, instead of just addressing me since i seem so submissive. I also get the sense they’d just prefer to avoid me 1 on 1, but at the same time I understand because how on earth are you supposed to approach the person who doesn’t talk? It feels like every social situation I’m trapped in a cage of not being able to speak and when i do say something everyone reacts differently to when someone else is talking. Does anyone else relate with any of this? And how can i seem normal/have things to talk about?? It’s even worse because I’ve been in similar situations with old friends/at school so it feels like a cycle that i can never escape
The main situation is i’ve joined a uni society (i have no actual friends at this uni yet) and I just seem to stay quiet and closed off all the time I don’t know what to do. Of course as it’s a society, i have a shared interest with the other girls and they’re really nice but i feel anxious and lost in life whilst they have boyfriends, jobs, everything figured out, plus it’s a small uni society and theyre all already close. I know none of this matters but i get that thing where people will refer to me when talking to the other people in the room, instead of just addressing me since i seem so submissive. I also get the sense they’d just prefer to avoid me 1 on 1, but at the same time I understand because how on earth are you supposed to approach the person who doesn’t talk? It feels like every social situation I’m trapped in a cage of not being able to speak and when i do say something everyone reacts differently to when someone else is talking. Does anyone else relate with any of this? And how can i seem normal/have things to talk about?? It’s even worse because I’ve been in similar situations with old friends/at school so it feels like a cycle that i can never escape
Hey there,
I can totally relate to your situation as I've been there myself. It's okay to feel overwhelmed in new social situations. Remember, it's perfectly fine to be quiet and take your time to open up. What worked for me was focusing on shared interests in the society. Maybe start by sharing your thoughts on these topics during the discussions. You don't have to compare your journey with others. We all have our own pace and that's completely okay. It's not unusual to feel like others have everything figured out, but trust me, everyone has their own struggles. It's okay to be you, and with time, things will get better.
Let me know if you have any questions
Ilya
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