Please help

I’ve already mentioned it on here, but it’s about possible grooming. My sister met this boy online (roblox) and I think it’s been around 2 years. Around September 2023, she has started to isolate herself from her friends and family. She is sikh, and the boy is muslim, he says hes the same age as her. She is now reading the Quran, she practises how to put on a hijab and washes her hands and feet every morning, she also tried learning Arabic for a month. I want to make it clear that shes been Sikh her whole life, my parents never pressurised us to be religious. If she feels more spiritually connected to Islam then thats okay, but I know it’s because of this boy, perhaps hes doing something or she wants to please him. She disrespects and gets angry if we question her. My parents are thinking to tell the school, but deep down ik the school can only provide limited support and I just think it’ll make things worse. Please help me, I feel hopeless.

You say that you've "already mentioned it on here". What advice did you receive previously? Why the need to seek further advice?

Advice was that she should go into therapy. She doesn’t seem like she wants to get better, so unlikely chances that therapy would work. We’ve tried mentioning it to her, but she says that nothing is wrong with her life. I’m hoping to find people who perhaps knows a thing or too on how to approach this, so far I’ve talked to sikh helpline, but they suggest talking to her. Like you don’t think we have…
Things are just getting worse, she has no motivation in life, she doesn’t go anywhere else but her room. I’m worried she’s going to end up following the wrong path in life. Once she’s 18, I don’t know what will happen and I’m going crazy. Hope this is just a phase but it’s deeper than that…

Advice was that she should go into therapy. She doesn’t seem like she wants to get better, so unlikely chances that therapy would work. We’ve tried mentioning it to her, but she says that nothing is wrong with her life. I’m hoping to find people who perhaps knows a thing or too on how to approach this, so far I’ve talked to sikh helpline, but they suggest talking to her. Like you don’t think we have…
Things are just getting worse, she has no motivation in life, she doesn’t go anywhere else but her room. I’m worried she’s going to end up following the wrong path in life. Once she’s 18, I don’t know what will happen and I’m going crazy. Hope this is just a phase but it’s deeper than that…

OK. There are several things happening here.

1. Your sister has on on-line relationship with a boy she's never met in person.
2. Your sister appears to be experimenting with another religion. She may even convert at some point.
3. Your sister has started to isolate herself from her friends and family.

Let's imagine that the boy she was in an on-line relationship with was Sikh, and she was open about it with friends and family. So we have item 1 above, but not 2 and 3.

Alternatively, suppose this boy is someone she knows in person, but he's a Muslim. They talk about religion, and she "feels more spiritually connected to Islam". So we have item 2, but not 1 or 3.

Finally, suppose your sister simply becomes withdrawn from friends and family - as many teenagers do. So we have item 3, but not 1 or 2.

Which of my alternative scenarios - if any - are most concerning to you? (I'm trying to work out what the root of your concern is.)

You should report it to the police. At least in the first instance and they might be able to help.

More information here:
https://www.met.police.uk/advice/advice-and-information/gr/grooming/#:~:text=Report%20it,groomed%2C%20you%20should%20tell%20someone.

It could be something or nothing but better safe than sorry.

Good luck!

I agree but what if things end up worse and she stops talking to us forever. I don’t want to loose her…

My sister becomes withdrawn from family and friends

Understood. She might be becoming withdrawn because she feels that you're "judging" both her on-line relationship and her interest in Islam. So try talking to her about both of these things with an open heart and genuine interest.

You've said above that, "She disrespects and gets angry if we question her." That phrase makes it sound like an interrogation. I hope that's not the way she sees it. Any question you ask her could be interpreted by her as an attack of some kind, so you need to choose your words very carefully to avoid that.

Do you have any conversations with her at all about any subject (at mealtimes, perhaps)? If so, then maybe mention something she might like to talk about. If you know where the boy she speaks with on-line lives (generally) you could mention something about how the recent storms impacted that area. Or you could talk to her about marking some upcoming Islamic holy day.

The importing thing is to avoid being judgmental and to avoid it seeming like an interrogation. It should be just a normal every-day conversation. Hopefully, she'll open-up a little if she doesn't worry that every conversation is going to be an attack.

(I fully appreciate that this may be extremely hard, or may have been an approach you've tried already.)

If she is on a trajectory, that is going to happen anyway. You need help. Call the police. See what they have to say. You don't have to give your name in the first instance.

Yes I read the link you sent about the met police and groomimg. I feel as though she shows signs of which they had mentioned. I will try talking to her first in a less threatening/judgemental way. I’ll see how that goes. If things get worse i really think i should contat the police. Thanks for your advice.

Yes I read the link you sent about the met police and groomimg. I feel as though she shows signs of which they had mentioned. I will try talking to her first in a less threatening/judgemental way. I’ll see how that goes. If things get worse i really think i should contat the police. Thanks for your advice.