The Student Room Group

Polyamory and Monogamy

I have never quite felt entirely comfortable with monogamy. Does anyone else here feel the same way?
What are your thoughts on the matter in general, of monogamous relationships compared to polyamorous relationships?

A bit of background
I grew up with split parents from about the age of 8, am not religious, I'm white and born in the UK, never want kids (even considering a vasectomy), am heterosexual, and a bit of a progressive thinker. I like to think outside of the box that society often puts us in, and don't feel so attached to traditions in this country. I also have lots of interests and hobbies and such and view relationships as icing on the cake to an already fulfilling life.

Monogamy and Polyamory
Society seems in many ways (at least in this country and many others) built around the idea of the "family unit" and we also have laws that promote marriage and monogamy. Religion I'm sure had an effect on this, but there are probably factual reasons why it can be useful too, for example because perhaps it is a decent structure for rearing children.

Based on my background (for example the fact I don't want children and such mentioned earlier) though, my perspective differs from the norm, and I don't think there is anything wrong with that?

My perspective
I almost feel like someone living in the future sometimes and everyone else is living based on past old archaic traditions.

To me, there is something really wonderful about finding 'anyone' who you like enough to have them a part of your life. If I found such person/s, I would want them to be so and to enjoy life with them. Travel with them, enjoy playing games with them, watch movies with them... I love the idea of doing things together as a small group rather than just two of you, although just two is fine too. You can do things with one person, but wouldn't it be even better with another person there or possibly even more if you are really lucky to find them?

I also just see it as a practical thing too, biologically and psychologically thinking. I am able to love more than one person, for different reasons, and in different ways and contexts. To deny that is strange to me... of course you can love more than one person for all sort of reasons. As such, I'm also very open to showing love too.

I also don't see anything wrong with being open to the fact that I like physical sexual experiences with different people. Being restricted to only one person physically seems strange to me also. To me, as long as it is honest and un-selfish, there is absolutely nothing wrong with it and actually I think it is a wonderful thing to share.

Monogamy to me therefore, feels unnecessarily restrictive... perhaps even an outdated concept.

While it is entirely possible that I might end up with only one person in a relationship, that is totally fine. I don't feel the need to purely commit only to one person though, and designate my life to them. That just seems strange. To do so to me, is as if to say I can never love another person while in a relationship with someone, which is not true.

I don't think it is easy though, don't get me wrong. Jealousy exists etc. So I do think in polyamorous relationships there needs to be true honesty and openness. Everyone involved needs to freely feel open to communicate their thoughts and feelings. You also need to step up and take turns with things like sharing the burden for doing chores. To be fair though, that is something you need to do in monogamous relationships too. It just perhaps requires slightly more work if there is more than just two of you.

What do you all think about this viewpoint?

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