The Student Room Group

My girlfriend of 2 years wants a 3 some

So i'm going to give a bit of background context, we have been together for 2 years, we had a problem last week were I acted a bit moody when going out due to crazy work stress. Now she's saying she deserves better.

Part of her she deserves better stuff she wanted my to be more sexual with her. So I was trying to and the topic of 3 somes came up. My GF said she planned to have a 4 some the year at uni when I met her, which honestly really made uncomfortable because I really didn't know she was like that and the intention of it made me feel weird. So it was more than a thought, more of an action plan which didn't happen.

Then she brought up the topic of having a 3 some with me and another guy, I was playing along because of what happened last week and I didn't want to make her unhappy. Now she sounds serious about it and at the time I genuinely started uncontrollably shaking.

Personally for me if I ever did this, I could never see this girl as anything potential wife. I am I being unreasonable here? I am very open because i’m in a bad place right now
Original post by Anonymous #1
So i'm going to give a bit of background context, we have been together for 2 years, we had a problem last week were I acted a bit moody when going out due to crazy work stress. Now she's saying she deserves better.

Part of her she deserves better stuff she wanted my to be more sexual with her. So I was trying to and the topic of 3 somes came up. My GF said she planned to have a 4 some the year at uni when I met her, which honestly really made uncomfortable because I really didn't know she was like that and the intention of it made me feel weird. So it was more than a thought, more of an action plan which didn't happen.

Then she brought up the topic of having a 3 some with me and another guy, I was playing along because of what happened last week and I didn't want to make her unhappy. Now she sounds serious about it and at the time I genuinely started uncontrollably shaking.

Personally for me if I ever did this, I could never see this girl as anything potential wife. I am I being unreasonable here? I am very open because i’m in a bad place right now

You're not being unreasonable at all. Even at the best of times where both partners agree to a threesome, it can still have severely damaging and devastating effects on the relationship afterwards as it's such a different dynamic to standard monogamy, and the fantasy of it can be completely at odds with the reality of it. Now, in a case like yours where your relationship is already on very shaky ground and it's clear that you have no interest in one then agreeing to it and carrying it out would almost certainly result in a very ugly and explosive demolition of the relationship. You've already stated that you wouldn't consider being with her long term if she did a threesome so that there is already a reason to stick to your guns and refuse if you really want this to work. You should never ever agree to a threesome just to make her happy if you yourself aren't comfortable with that. If she insists that she wants a threesome and isn't willing to take your feelings and concerns into account then it may well be that this relationship has run its course and that it may be time for you to jump ship.
(edited 2 months ago)
Reply 2
Original post by Sorcerer of Old
You're not being unreasonable at all. Even at the best of times where both partners agree to a threesome, it can still have severely damaging and devastating effects on the relationship afterwards as it's such a different dynamic to standard monogamy, and the fantasy of it can be completely at odds with the reality of it. Now, in a case like yours where your relationship is already on very shaky ground and it's clear that you have no interest in one then agreeing to it and carrying it out would almost certainly result in a very ugly and explosive demolition of the relationship. You've already stated that you wouldn't consider being with her long term if she did a threesome so that there is already a reason to stick to your guns and refuse if you really want this to work. You should never ever agree to a threesome just to make her happy if you yourself aren't comfortable with that. If she insists that she wants a threesome and isn't willing to take your feelings and concerns into account then it may well be that this relationship has run its course and that it may be time for you to jump ship.

Thank you, i’m just scared too because i’m 24 now and just finished university, and won’t really come into contact with anyone else.

Also just the thought that it was planned makes me uncomfortable too and how it came out of nowhere.
Original post by Anonymous #1
Thank you, i’m just scared too because i’m 24 now and just finished university, and won’t really come into contact with anyone else.

Also just the thought that it was planned makes me uncomfortable too and how it came out of nowhere.

I get that but it's not a good idea to stay with someone you don't vibe with that well just for the sake of it. Because if you're that incompatible where libido and sexual experimentation is concerned then this has a high probability of causing the relationship to collapse later down the line. The fact she's also saying she deserves better than you is highly concerning, it shows a lack of respect for you on her part and it's a comment designed to degrade you and cause an affront on your self-worth. No one should have to put up with that in their partner tbh.
(edited 2 months ago)
So, first a point about threesomes, foursomes or similar. There's nothing wrong in principle with doing them. Sexual experimentation is not only fine but often it's positively healthy. You've said that you didn't realise that your girlfriend was "like that", which begs the question, like what? Somebody with a high sex drive? Someone who wants to broaden their sexual horizons? Someone who enjoys sex and wants to have different experiences of it? There's nothing wrong with any of this providing it's consensual and done safely.

However, that said that there are two highly relevant points to this particular situation. First, there's no obligation on you at all to want to be involved in threesomes or foursomes. If you are not comfortable with it, then don't do it, whether that's as part of a relationship or on your own account. Lots of people close off their minds to this sort of thing when they'd probably enjoy it in the right situation and with the right people, but that's really neither here nor there. If you don't want to do it, don't do it.

Second, whilst that's a good enough reason to not go ahead with this in and of itself, engaging in sexual activity with others as a couple is something you need to be very careful with. It's not something to immediately rule out. Far from it, plenty of couples do to it and enjoy it, but it is something that requires very clear communication before, during and after. It's also something that requires a high degree of maturity to get right, and one that with the best will in the world, most people don't have in their 20s. It is absolutely never something that should be done when the relationship is in difficulty, or as a way to solve problems in a relationship. It can only end badly in that situation, and that is the situation you have here.

So from very angle, it's a bad idea here and one that you shouldn't be pressured into anyway because it's not something you're interested in. I would also be concerned about the fact that your girlfriend suggested this shortly after suggesting that she deserves better than you. That strongly suggests to me that she is certainly not mature enough to engage in this sort of activity as part of a relationship. It's something that you have to experience and work through together, and absolutely not something that one person should be using almost has retribution over the other.

So in short, no, do not do it when you don't want to, and don't do it unless you have a significantly stronger and mature relationship than the one that you have here. You need to be focusing on repairing the issues within this relationship. And that most definitely does not include a threesome.
Original post by Anonymous #1
So i'm going to give a bit of background context, we have been together for 2 years, we had a problem last week were I acted a bit moody when going out due to crazy work stress. Now she's saying she deserves better.

Part of her she deserves better stuff she wanted my to be more sexual with her. So I was trying to and the topic of 3 somes came up. My GF said she planned to have a 4 some the year at uni when I met her, which honestly really made uncomfortable because I really didn't know she was like that and the intention of it made me feel weird. So it was more than a thought, more of an action plan which didn't happen.

Then she brought up the topic of having a 3 some with me and another guy, I was playing along because of what happened last week and I didn't want to make her unhappy. Now she sounds serious about it and at the time I genuinely started uncontrollably shaking.

Personally for me if I ever did this, I could never see this girl as anything potential wife. I am I being unreasonable here? I am very open because i’m in a bad place right now

Leave her, I know it's not political correct to say but what kind of guy wants a girl who wants to get railed by another dude while in a relationship with you?!
Reply 6
At least see if you can turn it around to a threesome with another girl. More seriously, if this is really true, get rid
Reply 7
Original post by Anonymous #1
Thank you, i’m just scared too because i’m 24 now and just finished university, and won’t really come into contact with anyone else.

Also just the thought that it was planned makes me uncomfortable too and how it came out of nowhere.

As above, don't do anything in a relationship that you aren't comfortable with.

As for not meeting anyone else, don't make excuses to stay with someone. There are women everywhere; don't you work, shop have hobbies? If you can't be happy on your own, how do you expect to care for someone else?
That's mad... leave her! Why would a girl who you're in a relationship with and even 2 years at that want to have a threesome with another guy! That's not the kind of person you want to be having something long term with!

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