The Student Room Group

anti-social flatmate

so i’m in halls in first year. in the first term i was in a friend group that didn’t work out, we ended up having to change housing plans for 2nd year. we talked things out back in december and there haven’t been any issues since then, although the dynamic of the flat and friend groups have changed. i share a kitchen with a few of the people i was in the old friend group with, and one of them is bothering me particularly. we used to be pretty good friends, we would often check up on each other, etc. now, he’s completely anti social and barely makes an effort to say hello. it’s kinda upsetting for me to share a kitchen with people who hardly make effort to be polite anymore. any advice for me?
Original post by Anonymous #1
so i’m in halls in first year. in the first term i was in a friend group that didn’t work out, we ended up having to change housing plans for 2nd year. we talked things out back in december and there haven’t been any issues since then, although the dynamic of the flat and friend groups have changed. i share a kitchen with a few of the people i was in the old friend group with, and one of them is bothering me particularly. we used to be pretty good friends, we would often check up on each other, etc. now, he’s completely anti social and barely makes an effort to say hello. it’s kinda upsetting for me to share a kitchen with people who hardly make effort to be polite anymore. any advice for me?
Hello there,

I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through a tough time with your friend, and I completely understand how upsetting it can be. I've been in a similar situation and want to share something that helped me cope.

When faced with a similar challenge, I initially gave my friend some space and focused on my well-being. Luckily, I had other great flatmates to spend time within the shared kitchen, but I couldn't ignore the awkwardness when the friend in question was around. Eventually, I decided to talk directly with them to express my feelings. It was a difficult conversation, especially when reaching out to someone who was not trying to maintain the friendship or be polite. However, it turned out to be worth it.

During our talk, I discovered they weren't interested in continuing the friendship due to our differences. While it was hard to hear, having that honest conversation provided closure. I would recommend having a similar conversation with your friend. Even if they lack interest in continuing the friendship, at least you'll gain closure. It's a difficult step, but trust me, it helped immensely.
Additionally, consider that the other person might also be going through a tough time. Being kind and straightforward when approaching them can make a significant difference.

I hope things improve for you soon. If you need someone to talk to, feel free to reach out.

Cheers,
Shri (MSc International Business Student).
Original post by Anonymous #1
so i’m in halls in first year. in the first term i was in a friend group that didn’t work out, we ended up having to change housing plans for 2nd year. we talked things out back in december and there haven’t been any issues since then, although the dynamic of the flat and friend groups have changed. i share a kitchen with a few of the people i was in the old friend group with, and one of them is bothering me particularly. we used to be pretty good friends, we would often check up on each other, etc. now, he’s completely anti social and barely makes an effort to say hello. it’s kinda upsetting for me to share a kitchen with people who hardly make effort to be polite anymore. any advice for me?

Hi there,

Sorry to hear you have been having a tough time with your flatmates, it can be hard living with people that you don't get on with that well.

I would also say that if you feel comfortable doing so, try and talk to them about it. It's always a possibility that they just feel a bit awkward around you and having a chat may clear the air a bit. Even if you don't end up becoming friends, it might make it easier to live with them for the last few months!
If they make it clear they don't want to be friends or even civil with you, at least you know that you have made an effort to be civil so it isn't awkward and having had a chat about it may make it less awkward.

I've been in this situation and it can make it really hard to want to go into the kitchen but I would say make sure it doesn't stop you from wanting to go to the kitchen or talking to the other friends, and especially don't let it stop you from cooking and eating in the flat! Just remember it's your space as much as it is theirs and if you know you have tried to make it work for everyone then you can't do anything else!

I hope some of this helps and your living situation for second year is better :smile:

Lucy -SHU student ambassador.
Original post by Anonymous #1
so i’m in halls in first year. in the first term i was in a friend group that didn’t work out, we ended up having to change housing plans for 2nd year. we talked things out back in december and there haven’t been any issues since then, although the dynamic of the flat and friend groups have changed. i share a kitchen with a few of the people i was in the old friend group with, and one of them is bothering me particularly. we used to be pretty good friends, we would often check up on each other, etc. now, he’s completely anti social and barely makes an effort to say hello. it’s kinda upsetting for me to share a kitchen with people who hardly make effort to be polite anymore. any advice for me?
Anon,

It's sad that you are no longer good friends, but friendships can change and it may be that you become closer at a later time. Try not to take it personally, you may not know what's going in their personal life. They might be stressed about many things and not want to talk about it. They might be avoiding you or not wanting to talk to you because they don't want to share. All you can do is be friendly, so that if they do want to talk later down the line, they know they haven't lost your friendship.

Things might be difficult for now, but remember that you're more than halfway through the academic year. It won't be too long before you all move out. Try and bear with it and look ahead to second year.

All the best,

Oluwatosin 3rd year student University of Huddersfield

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