Dating advise

Hey need advice..

So I was dating a guy (22) and I’m a guy 24.

Things were good and we had only been on 5 dates but were speaking constantly and it seemed both on same page. This was all over the space of about a month and a half.

We had a quiet period because I had insane hours at work for a week and he was going away etc. when my work had finished I felt as though his replies carried on being poor. I did tell him and we agreed it’d go quiet. I saw him active posting etc and just not replying to me for like 8 hours sometimes.

Instead of properly talking I basically said “this doesn’t seem reciprocated I’m going to stop messaging or putting in effort, I wish you well”. I did this to protect myself and in the moment it seemed right. I have had it in the past where slow replies all of a sudden means a lost in interest (and it’s usually true).

We haven’t actually physically seen eachother in like 3.5 weeks right now.

A week ago I sent that text and he replied being quite taken aback etc because he likes me. I tried to explain myself and why I sent it. He then said he wants some time to think. When he replied he essentially said he was worried about the vibe after the break but this has made it feel more awkward. Which I totally get. I don’t think we’re awkward people though but I can’t control how he feels.

He isn’t sure we’d be able to get the vibe back and said it would take “graft”. I honestly like this one a lot and saw so much potential. I don’t really want to just let it go like this because I had an insecure moment. But I’m also unsure if I just need to respect what he’s said and leave it be. Maybe a message in the future could fix it.

I’ve spoke to my mum and she’s saying if you’re going to fix it do it now and not to wait. For me I feel it’s too fresh and he’s thinking our vibe will be dead.

I’m unsure if I can fix it or if in the future I could try again? We got on a lot and it seemed so well.

I want to respect him and see if I’m the future I could message him in a none intense way and see if I could bring it back? I’m going travelling soon for up to 5 months or more.

I’m also aware this may have just been a way out for him and he took it as he had actually gone much more quiet on me. He said he “finds the whole interaction strange for someone I’ve only been on a few dates with”. He does actually like me still he says and it’s why it’s been hard for him to know what to do.

I understand his decision but still kinda wish he understood why I did that but I can’t ask that of someone I was getting to know in the early stages. He said what I did wasn’t too bad it just would be hard now after our quiet gap to bring it back especially after the message because it was early days.

What are the chances? Do I just get over it and never message ever? We clicked from the moment we met and I felt like it was going to develop into something good so I’m annoyed at myself right now for this.

Has anyone messaged someone in the future they briefly dated and had a good outcome? Even if it was one date after time has passed to see how it goes? I’m just unsure if I should forever forgot or if I’m still thinking of him in the future to reach out and just think **** it.

Reply 1

Surnia

You've identified what the problem is: 'Instead of properly talking...'

So the solution is stop messaging him. In the sense of, don't rely on that for your communication. If you wanted an instant reply, why didn't you phone? If you want to sort it out now, can't you go round to his place? Arrange to meet up somewhere neutral?

Whatever you do, enough with the typing and USE YOUR VOICE.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Original post by Surnia

You've identified what the problem is: 'Instead of properly talking...'
So the solution is stop messaging him. In the sense of, don't rely on that for your communication. If you wanted an instant reply, why didn't you phone? If you want to sort it out now, can't you go round to his place? Arrange to meet up somewhere neutral?
Whatever you do, enough with the typing and USE YOUR VOICE.