I think I love my best friend as more than that. We have been best friends for over 3 years, and we live together with some other friends in our uni house. I’m female; he is male, and we are both gay. Or so I thought. He’s not feminine, and if you looked at him, you wouldn’t be able to tell.
I don’t know what has changed recently, but I’m getting a vibe from him, and I don’t know if I’m just making it up in my head or if it’s genuine. A few months ago, it was just me and him in a club, albeit very drunk, and we were dancing. I don’t want to be too specific in case he somehow finds this. I made a comment about him needing to quit something, and he said he was going to stop; it’s his new year resolution. I told him he better. He basically made a comment about me smacking his **** if he doesn’t stick to it, but it was very flirty the way he said it. That same night, he told me he was pansexual, but he’s not made another comment about that since, and when conversations like that come up in a group setting, he says he’s gay.
I honestly would have thought that this was just two mates flirting and taking the **** out of each other like we always do, but recently we were in a club, and it was really busy, so I grabbed his hand to pull him through the crowd (we always do this). When we were walking, he squeezed my hand really tight more than once. He’s never done that before.
I’m so confused; I really want to tell him, but I’m scared I’ve totally read everything wrong, and that I'll lose my best friend. I’m sure that wouldn’t happen, but things would just be weird after if he doesn’t feel the same.