The Student Room Group

Does my best friend fancy me ?

I think I love my best friend as more than that. We have been best friends for over 3 years, and we live together with some other friends in our uni house. I’m female; he is male, and we are both gay. Or so I thought. He’s not feminine, and if you looked at him, you wouldn’t be able to tell.

I don’t know what has changed recently, but I’m getting a vibe from him, and I don’t know if I’m just making it up in my head or if it’s genuine. A few months ago, it was just me and him in a club, albeit very drunk, and we were dancing. I don’t want to be too specific in case he somehow finds this. I made a comment about him needing to quit something, and he said he was going to stop; it’s his new year resolution. I told him he better. He basically made a comment about me smacking his **** if he doesn’t stick to it, but it was very flirty the way he said it. That same night, he told me he was pansexual, but he’s not made another comment about that since, and when conversations like that come up in a group setting, he says he’s gay.

I honestly would have thought that this was just two mates flirting and taking the **** out of each other like we always do, but recently we were in a club, and it was really busy, so I grabbed his hand to pull him through the crowd (we always do this). When we were walking, he squeezed my hand really tight more than once. He’s never done that before.

I’m so confused; I really want to tell him, but I’m scared I’ve totally read everything wrong, and that I'll lose my best friend. I’m sure that wouldn’t happen, but things would just be weird after if he doesn’t feel the same.
Well, as that old saying goes, "you don't ask, you don't get".

Obviously you need to know where you stand. I'm suspecting that it's possible he's pansexual but probably has a strong bias / preference to men? I'm not gay myself, but I do have some gay friends (and yes, a couple of them are what's known as "straight-acting"; so from a day-to-day encounter, most people wouldn't know)... and I know amongst gay guys, there can be a prejudice / resentment to bi guys in the sense they can get the best of both worlds (I don't know if the same applies to pansexuals, but logically it would IMHO?)... so assuming all your (and his) main friendship groups are gay, he might be worried about being ostracised?

You both obviously had a lot to drink that night, and it's often said that the truth comes out when the alcohol is flowing. There's a reason for that old saying "A drunk man's actions are a sober mans thoughts". So maybe you need to find out what the truth is about his sexuality... it's obviously a conversation that needs to be had between the two of you only; no one else! It may be something you'd need to have a few drinks beforehand, obviously don't ask him or broach the subject until he's at least "moderately tipsy". When you feel the time / moment is right, then ask something along the lines of:- "You know you said you were pansexual, what exactly did you mean?"

If you get the 'right' answer, you can broach the subject of the two of you in a light-hearted way such as, "Imagine the kerfuffle it may cause if we got together, what would people think?" (maybe not those exact words, but hopefully you get the gist of what I mean). and go from there.

Maybe it's different in the sense that you're a gay girl and he's a gay guy, but when this sort of thing happens form a straight boy-girl type misunderstanding, friendships CAN sometimes survive this sort of thing... on the condition both parties are mature and grown up about it. Still, the people who get ahead in life are those who are prepared to take risks, every now and then.
(edited 1 month ago)

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