Feel lonely and depressed

To cut a long story short I have had a very difficult time recently, Im trapped doing a degree I detest (but on a high 2:1/2:1 arm), hate my university town, amd have many aquaintences but not many close friends. I also have a very low self esteem which is stemming from a minor disfigurement (will be corrected soon). Anyway the reason why I am feeling very depressed is due to recently after having an op done, aside from my family being there 100% many of the people that I know, that I have spent time with, just don't care. I am finding that with a lot of my friendships I am having to make a lot of effort, and in turn I am finding it very difficult to develop solid relationships with people. This has been getting me down. Outside of term time I can deal with this a lot better because I have my family around me, but at university I am finding it really hard to cope as I dont have the same support base. This has made me feel lonely because outside of family despite knowing a lot of people, I feel lonely, and with girls all they ever do is string me along like if I am a nobody.

Anyway, I need to chill out, just dont know how too, been spending a lot of time around my family etc. But thinking about going back to university, my circle of friends, the fact that I just had an operation (when I should be out there living my life) and my final year is depressing me so much. How can I get over myself?

Thanks.

Reply 1

Sabertooth

20

How about seeing next year as a new start? You can join new societies, find new friends etc and don't worry about what's gone before. You said you have low self esteem from a disfigurement which will soon be corrected so then your self esteem might go up, you'll probably be better able to either connect with your current "acquaintances" or else make new friends when this happens.

Sometimes we expect others to make the effort, I know you've just had an op but have you tried getting in contact with these people from uni over the summer? Maybe if you contact them they'll want to meet up with you?

Reply 2

Craig_D

17

Hmm, can you at least name the Town? (possibly the uni too?). It would really help as far as thinking of activities is concerned, and wouldn't really help anyone to guess who you are either.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

OP

Sabertooth

How about seeing next year as a new start? You can join new societies, find new friends etc and don't worry about what's gone before. You said you have low self esteem from a disfigurement which will soon be corrected so then your self esteem might go up, you'll probably be better able to either connect with your current "acquaintances" or else make new friends when this happens.

Sometimes we expect others to make the effort, I know you've just had an op but have you tried getting in contact with these people from uni over the summer? Maybe if you contact them they'll want to meet up with you?

Well with a lot of them I dont tell them my feelings, because I have in the past opened up to people before only to get burnt i.e. weakness is exploited. It is not like I don't make an effort, more to the point I do make an effort; text, party with many of these people. But that's all they are drinking buddies, that's it. On top of that at uni I lost my closest uni friend recently to an illness, I still have not properly got over this because it was sudden and a shock to me.

Many people know about it in my year (as it was quite tragic), but a lot of them don't care since he passed away because they were not best mates with him, and so when I am at uni aside from therapy from time to time I have no real support structure to talk to about all of this. It bottles up...just found the uni experience to be really brutal and lonely recently and I guess the only reason why I have managed to do well so far is only because I tried to not let the whole experience ruin my life. As I am also in my finals now I am also feeling the pressure of getting my 2:1, not for others but for myself so achieving my personal aspirations can be hard.

As for the low self esteem issue, yeah that has caused me massive bouts of unhappiness mainly because I want to be my best self physically and secondly I feel really upset that in comparison to many of my peers I am having to spend my summer in bed recovering, as opposed to partying and having a great time. Guess I am in self pity but given everything it is so hard to stay strong all the time permanently, like everyone I do feel vulnerable. Now that I am at home, my mental health does get better with my family around, but outside of my family everything feels like ********. Really considered dropping out of uni to be closer to my family, but I know I can't.

Reply 4

Jingers

15

Some might say that you're born alone and you die alone... bit pessimistic but still.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

OP

Craig_D

Hmm, can you at least name the Town? (possibly the uni too?). It would really help as far as thinking of activities is concerned, and wouldn't really help anyone to guess who you are either.

I would but I am paranoid that it will shed my anonymousity.

The problem is essentially not due to a lack of activities; if I wanted to I could easily have an active social life, with facebook event invites, or more day-day activities such as going into town, playing pool, a sport - squash, gym, football with people etc etc (you get the picture). Problem lies with what I have written above, and the fact that what lacks is not quantity but quality, you know friendships where you can just be dead on about things without the fear of being judged etc. Healthy ones where personal growth is encouraged. Its hit me so hard since losing my best mate, because I am finding this to be a rarity...and my family not being around along with being single makes it harder at uni. Just gotta bottle it all up and soldier on but eventually I get tired of slogging it all out and inevitably I end up feeling depressed and feel overwhelmed by it all.

Feel lonely and depressed

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