Who here suffers from BDD?

No, but I think way too many girls are obsessed with their appearance when they don't need to be

My sister suffers very badly from BDD. It's really sad because like Anorexia, you see something which nobody else does. Anyway, my sister takes about 5 hours or more to prepare her make-up, she can often make 3,4 and 5 attempts to do so and still not leave the house. She cries often and has to sit in complete darkness when looking at herself in the mirror. She has struggled to hold down a job, friendships and relationships and has, in the past, had suicidal tendencies. She has told me that she feels as though people would be physically sick if they were to look at her and yet she has been approached with work from modelling agencies and other people in the industry - all of whom have been extremely positive about her appearance.

My sister has since had counselling, she regularly sees an occupational therapist and has been in and out of a children's hospital for the past year or so. She has now been discharged, the visits from health professionals are less frequent and in the past two months she has been successfully working part-time in retail with the intention of going back to school in September. As somebody who has witnessed all of those as an outsider I have to admit that I have struggled to understand and relate to what my sister is going through. I have always been here for her but in reality, BDD is a mental illness and for people with limited understanding of this it is pretty bizarre and difficult to grasp.

My sister was especially critical of her skin. Can I ask, what bothers you the most about your appearance?

I have known of someone that suffers from it and from the limited amount i know, it is very hard to deal with, especially for you as you dont have people the understand it properly.

Have you tried and explain it to your friends, if they understand the condition more they may understand why you act like you do more, all of how you act is not your fault and you cant help it. Decent friends would try and understand rather then tell you its not something you should be worrying about.

My friends are nice but they don't understand. Whenever I try to explain they just say the same 'cheer up' stuff. I don't blame them, I wouldn't know how to make me feel better but it can be really difficult when they just don't get this isn't me feeling a little down, it's a complete loathing for your appearence.

Maybe if you try by linking to that wiki article as it does spell it out quite well in places, im sure if you look on the internet there may be a few sites to designed to try and give people advice on how to help and cope with being around someone with BDD (that sounds worse then i mean but i think you know i dont mean it in a bad way) Without the full understanding of people it is difficult, if they dont really want to know as they dont know how to make you feel better, am i right in thinking that nothing is going to make you feel better really when you are down, but the support of some people wouldnt go a miss? Maybe tell them this and try and get them to understand you?

Yeah I've never really thought of pointing them towards more information. I'm just anxious of that then becoming who I am and it becoming a label for me.

But yes you're right, no one can say anything to help. Compliments all appear to have agendas. I crave compliments and approval but when I get them they do nothing. But yeah support is always nice.

Thanks for the support.

I was diagnosed with BDD a few years back and have undergone counselling and medication but still haven't got much better. Anyone else suffer from it or feel like people don't sympathise with it at all?

I get so anxious about my appearence and when friends push me to admit why I'm moody they just say get over it and looks aren't everything. I don't think people understand quite how horrific it can be to suffer from this. It's not just disliking your appearence, it's an obsession that is extremely hard to control.

Does anyone else suffer from it?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Body_dysmorphic_disorder

My main focus is on my face but I have the biggest issues with my nose and mouth. I spend hours and hours every day holding my nose down to stop it from pointing up so much, I know it does nothing but I still have to do it.

I'm glad your sister is getting better, that's great news. I can understand what she was going through. My biggest issue is I can't see family that I haven't seen in a while without having anxiety attacks as I am petrified they'll think I'm uglier since they last saw me. I can't go to parties or events without knowing exactly who is going and prepping myself for seeing them and what they might think or say about my appearence.

I think you hit the nail on the head with the anxiety point; it does all stem back to this. It's important for you to keep reminding yourself that you see something completely different to other people. When my sister was particularly bad I think she really valued the reminder that her condition was mental, not physical. It really helps to try and draw a distinction between what you think people are seeing and what the rational person actually sees. None of us look at somebody suffering from anorexia and think "my gosh they're huge." This is exactly the same, nobody will look at you and think your ugly but I'm sure if anybody does look at you the first thought that will come to your mind is negative. Both illnesses fall under the same category and that's because however much you've convinced yourself otherwise, you're not ugly and when people look at you they're certainly not judging you.

My sister wouldn't have tackled this without anti-depressants; she takes fluoxetine daily and if you're not already doing this I suspect that you would really benefit from seeing a GP and getting something similar prescribed for you. Otherwise, don't push yourself because this really is the worst thing to do. Set small challenged a week and take one step at a time. For my sister she first started reducing the amount of fake tan she used and is now gradually increasing the amount of light she has when looking in the mirror. It takes a long time but the rewards are well worth it and you can overcome this.

If ever you want to talk you can feel free to PM me.

I don't care about being cured mentally because still I'd be hideous but just unbothered by it. That's not good to me. That's like covering your eyes when something bad is happening, the bad thing still happens.

But for now, I assume, you can't change the 'bad thing'. If you plan on having cosmetic surgery in the future, then would it not be best to be 'unbothered' in the meantime, rather than pummel your self-esteem further? And if surgery can't 'fix' it, then you have to live with your looks so surely it's best to live with them happily, rather than unhappily?

Sorry if I sound like the 'get over it' kinda friend who doesn't understand, but that's just my tuppenth. I really hope you get through this

The biggest issue is that I know I have an issue mentally, I do know I react in a way that is not healthy or rational but I do believe I am hideous. I know that I am way too anxious and think people are all thinking bad things about me when they aren't but at the core I still know I'm unattractive.

I don't care about being cured mentally because still I'd be hideous but just unbothered by it. That's not good to me. That's like covering your eyes when something bad is happening, the bad thing still happens.

I think that's where my problem lies and why I struggle to think how I'd ever get better.

Btw I'll rep you tomorrow, I used my rep up already.

But for now, I assume, you can't change the 'bad thing'. If you plan on having cosmetic surgery in the future, then would it not be best to be 'unbothered' in the meantime, rather than pummel your self-esteem further? And if surgery can't 'fix' it, then you have to live with your looks so surely it's best to live with them happily, rather than unhappily?

Sorry if I sound like the 'get over it' kinda friend who doesn't understand, but that's just my tuppenth. I really hope you get through this

That makes complete sense to me and it's a big part of the problem. I'm sorry to keep drawing the analogy with Anorexia - it's been habit for a while, but when you actually speak to somebody who suffers from it they will always say the same as you. Whilst you are actually suffering from BDD you will never be able to see that your appearance is entirely normal and in that sense it is perfectly logical for you to think that the underlying problem will always remain.

It doesn't, though, and I know you won't believe this now. You'll be thinking "if he saw me he'd realise I'm ugly and that won't change even if I do learn to deal with it." The whole point in treatment for BDD is that in learning "to deal with" how you look, you also actually start to realise that you look completely fine. My sister has not completely recovered but she looks at some of her features which she used to detest and now laughs at the fact that she ever found them abnormal. Similarly, treatment for anorexia first requires that you accept how you look and then naturally you start to realise that what you actually saw was entirely distorted. The two go hand-in-hand. Similarly, even if you did have the "perfect" appearance, you would still suffer from BDD. You have BDD not because you are hideous, but because you think you are.

Well I've had counselling and have been desperately seeking cognitive behavioural therapy but my home area is useless for that kind of help. I'm going to seek it out when I go to uni.

And no, anorexia is a perfect example. I often use that when trying to explain.

Problem is that when you say your issue is your face, most people just assume you're being fussy and that only when it involves weight is it an illness.