Chemistry degree personal statement example (1d) Imperial offer, with review and advice

Science is incredible. It has such diversity that no-one can specialise in every field, yet it has such depth that anyone can learn a new fact or figure every day. Our world has been shaped by Science in the past, is what it is today because of Science and Science will ultimately determine our future. It has always fascinated me as a subject- when I was eight I tried to make a telescope out of tracing paper and kitchen roll. When I was ten I was looking at Plant Leaves under a microscope and when I was sixteen I started to read popular Science, such as ‘Bad Science’ by Ben Goldberg.

Science is an immense subject- whilst on a Headstart Course over the Summer I first experienced University level Chemistry. I decided immediately that I wanted to use the equipment and learn the theory of the ‘Queen of Sciences’. I hope to pursue a career in the Chemical Industry - it is fast growing, vital to our world and will give me the opportunity to work with other Scientists and Engineers in Theoretical and Practical situations every day. As a hardworking and dedicated student, I took five AS levels and achieved A grades in all my module examinations, excelling in Maths and Chemistry, where I achieved 292/300 and 298/300 UMS scores. I am now taking 4 A levels and further mathematics AS Level, for which I am studying towards Further Pure Mathematics 1 and 2, and self-studying Statistics 1.

I have played in the QIFL, a Qatari amateur football league for the last year, which has improved my ability as a goalkeeper. I have also been training children to play football at a local club as part of my International Award Service. These have taught me the importance of teamwork and successful leadership in reaching a goal. Over the past three years I have learnt to sail and was part of a crew that sailed 137 nautical miles from Doha to Bahrain for my International Award Expedition. I also learnt how to sail Laser class dinghies as my skill at a local sailing academy. These taught me the importance of teamwork, good preparation and determination to succeed. These have been further emphasised by my Silver Expedition to the Himalayas, which involved climbing to the peak of a mountain 4080m above sea level.

I have held several authority positions in school. I have worked as a prefect for the last year and more recently as a Deputy House Captain. This involves working with children from year seven to thirteen, other House Captains and teachers to organise sporting, musical and academic competitions within school. I have also been working in similar roles outside of school as my Service section of the International Award. I am now working towards Gold level.

Model United Nations (MUN) conferences have been an important activity for me, and have attended several in Qatar. I have been selected as a Chair for the upcoming Doha College MUN and have been chosen as an ICC Defence Lawyer for the Qatar MUN in November. To support this, I have taken up debating in the last 10 months. Through these I have built a formidable skills base in argument formulation and public speaking. These skills are helped through studying A-Level History. It is a particular area of interest to me. When I lived in the UK I visited the Northumbrian Castles and Roman fortifications along Hadrian’s Wall. Through extensive reading I also learnt about the interesting and varied History of Science and its immense importance in all aspects of life. Studying History has also taught me how to structure a written argument and the importance of planning, detail and methodical writing in presenting an idea.

I believe that I am well suited towards the rigours and rewards of Higher Education, possessing the drive and ability to reach my full potential both in terms of academic success and in my future career. I am looking forward to studying Chemistry at University level, and to pursuing a career in the dynamic and rewarding Chemical Industry.

Universities Applied to:

• Imperial College London - Offer Accepted
• York - Offer
• Bristol - Offer
• Durham - Rejected

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Comments

General Comments:

There are good aspects to this statement and the applicant has plenty of good outside interests to discuss, however there is a fundamental lack of chemistry related content in this PS. There is greater discussion of history than there is of chemistry and that will be deeply worrying to a tutor reading it. It doesn't show the applicants interest for chemistry specifically and only discusses science in general. Talking about science in general terms is fine for a couple of sentences, but it needs to be backed up with a detailed discussion of chemistry. Discussion of the chemical industry is one of the few indications that the applicant is interested in chemistry and this aspect of the statement is good. More of this is needed!

Discussing subjects can be a good approach in a personal statement but this should be focused on what they have learnt and how it can be applied to Chemistry. How do the subjects relate to each other? What A-levels are being studied and the marks achieved are not required in a PS and are a waste of valuable place. Instead, these should be put in the reference.

The structure of this statement is generally ok, although it would benefit from moving positions of responsibility and more formal extra-curricular activities like MUN ahead of the informal hobbies like sailing, which should come near the end just before the conclusion.

Spacing the paragraphs out with a single line break would be a good idea so it is easier to read and more appealing to the eye. Capitalisation is a big problem and there are numerous errors throughout the statement.

Comments on the statement:

Science is incredible. This is a bit of a bland opening for a personal statement and doesn't really say anything. The first sentence is important and so the applicant needs to say something worthwhile. It has such diversity that no-one can specialise in every field, yet it has such depth that anyone can learn a new fact or figure every day. Our world has been shaped by science science is not a proper noun and so does not need capitalising in the past is what it is today because of Science and Science will ultimately determine our future. This is ok, if slightly general. However, it needs to state that it is for these reasons that a career in chemistry excites the applicant and that they want to be involved in developing the world through chemistry. Chemistry has always fascinated me as a subject; when I was eight I tried to make a telescope out of tracing paper and kitchen roll. When I was ten I was looking at plant leaves under a microscope and when I was sixteen I started to read popular science, such as "Bad Science" by Ben Goldberg. It would be better to change both these examples to chemistry-based ones, since this is an application to study chemistry. The applicant fails to mention Chemistry at all in their opening paragraph. They need to be more specific right from the beginning as all sciences differ greatly. They need to sell to the reader that it is chemistry that interests them, not just general science!

Science is an immense subject Too cliché! Whilst on a Headstart Course over the summer I first experienced university level chemistry. The Headstart Course is engineering-based and has little chemistry content. The reader will spot this and may doubt the credibility of the remaining text. I decided immediately that I wanted a career in this field so that I can use the specialized equipment and learn the theory of the "Queen of Sciences" Why not comment that they have read up on it and want to pursue this specific interest at university? Even better, why not replace this theory with a chemistry-based theory they are interested in and state some books/articles that they have read, relating to chemistry specifically. I hope to pursue a career in the Chemical Industry - it is fast growing, vital to our world This was already extensively discussed in the opening paragraph Chemistry will give me the opportunity to work with other scientists and engineers in theoretical and practical situations every day. As a hardworking and dedicated student This comment is unnecessary and is more appropriate for the reference I took five AS levels and achieved A grades in all my module examinations, excelling Use of the word "excelling" here does come across as slightly arrogant/big-headed. in maths and chemistry, where I achieved 292/300 and 298/300 UMS scores. I am now taking four Small numbers should be written out in full in a personal statement A-levels and Further Mathematics AS level, for which I am studying towards Further Pure Mathematics 1 and 2, and self-studying Statistics 1. Mention of A-Level subjects undertaken, grades and UMS marks is unnecessary here. This is already on the application form and much of this paragraph is better off in the reference. There are a number of different topics mentioned in this paragraph that don't really link up to each other and would be better off elsewhere in the statement. Instead, this paragraph should be used to talk about school or college, making it relevant by discussing skills or knowledge relevant to the course they are applying for.

I have held several authority positions in school. This is a needless lead in and just takes up valuable space I have worked as a prefect for the pastyear and more recently as a Deputy House Captain. This involves working with children from year seven to thirteen, other House Captains and teachers to organise sporting, musical and academic competitions within school. I have also been working in similar roles outside of school as my Service section of the International Award. I am now working towards Gold level. Model United Nations (MUN) conferences have been an important activity for me and have attended several in Qatar. I have been selected as a Chair for the upcoming Doha College MUN and have been chosen as an ICC Defence Lawyer for the Qatar MUN in November. It's important not to spend too much time on each hobby and the applicant need only give a flavour of what they have done. The important thing is the skills they gained from it. To support this, I have taken up debating in the last ten months. Through these I have built a formidable Again this could come across as slightly arrogant skills base in argument formulation and public speaking. These skills are helped through studying A-Level History. It is a particular area of interest to me. When I lived in the UK I visited the Northumbrian Castles and Roman fortifications along Hadrian’s Wall. Through extensive reading I also learnt about the interesting and varied History of Science and its immense importance in all aspects of life. Studying History has also taught me how to structure a written argument and the importance of planning, detail and methodical writing in presenting an idea Talk of history here is unnecessary and dangerous so best to remove it! The paragraphs have been moved around here to improve the structure of the statement. Positions of responsibility should come after discussing school subjects and before discussing outside interests and hobbies.

I have played in the QIFL, a Qatari amateur football league for the last year, which has improved my ability as a goalkeeper. I have also been training children to play football at a local club as part of my International Award Service. These have taught me the importance of teamwork and successful leadership in reaching a goal. Over the past three years I have learnt to sail and was part of a crew that sailed 137 nautical miles from Doha to Bahrain for my International Award Expedition. I also learnt how to sail Laser class dinghies as my skill at a local sailing academy. This is probably unnecessary detail having already given a good flavour of their sailing interest These taught me the importance of teamwork avoid repeating skills more than once in a personal statement. Discuss a different one instead to show that the applicant has a wide range of skills, good preparation and determination to succeed. These have been further emphasised by my Silver Expedition to the Himalayas, which involved climbing to the peak of a mountain 4080m above sea level.

I believe that I am well suited towards the rigours and rewards of Higher Education, possessing the drive and ability to reach my full potential both in terms of academic success and in my future career This is good I am looking forward to studying chemistry at university level, and to pursuing a career in the dynamic and rewarding chemical industry.

~Another thing - "Bad Science" was written by Ben Goldacre, not 'Goldberg. Surprised no one else spotted this. CallieCat 15:13, 21 September 2011 (UTC)