How to break up with someone?
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Original post by Anonymous
It's been something that's been there for a while. It's a bit of everything, but up until recently I'd always told myself I still loved her despite everything. Being here however I know I don't; I care about her and want her to be happy, but I don't love her and know I can't make her happy.
In reality we've been limping along for the last 6+ months, me telling myself I'll sort myself out it'll work out with time, her probably thinking the same. I've honestly given it all the tries I think I can. As for making her hate me I honestly don't think I could bring myself to do it, and even if I did I don't think she'd take it any better, knowing her she'd blame herself for messing things up in some way.
so there's no happy ending or atleast now a rubbish ending to this story If the girl really loves,assumin from your info she does there's no way that she's isnt going to be unhappy
pleeeeeeeeease try and disgust her from you..change into a different person i dunno pick your nose or stink or do something but dont break her heart
Original post by nintendolad
Good people? No no no, TSR is full of trolls and nothing more.
Pandora's Box. There's a bit of good despite all the crap.
I chose those words specifically since I was asking for them rather than the guy who made the sandwich suggestion.
Original post by Anonymous
Anon or delete please.
22, 2.5 year relationship, girl is 24.
Long story short I am asking the good people of TSR how I should end things with the girl that has been the focus of my entire world for the last few years (full on intertwined future plans, kids names everything). I came to hers for Christmas, knowing for a while I didn't feel the same, and since I've been here I've felt nothing really. I still care about her but I don't love her anymore: hugs feel like their with a stranger, kissing her just makes me feel awkward, I have no emotional investment in either.
I know I'm a dick for doing this this close to Christmas (especially since she's suppose to be coming to my parents for the actual days) but I don't think I can stay with her any more. I feel so weird and like I'm stringing her on, which I don't want to do.
I'm not expecting to be friends with her after this (she still loves me, which is killing me) but we have a few mutual friends so I'd eventually like to be able to be around her without her hating my guts.
She is my first girlfriend so I've never had to do this before, how can I do it with the least amount of hurt?
22, 2.5 year relationship, girl is 24.
Long story short I am asking the good people of TSR how I should end things with the girl that has been the focus of my entire world for the last few years (full on intertwined future plans, kids names everything). I came to hers for Christmas, knowing for a while I didn't feel the same, and since I've been here I've felt nothing really. I still care about her but I don't love her anymore: hugs feel like their with a stranger, kissing her just makes me feel awkward, I have no emotional investment in either.
I know I'm a dick for doing this this close to Christmas (especially since she's suppose to be coming to my parents for the actual days) but I don't think I can stay with her any more. I feel so weird and like I'm stringing her on, which I don't want to do.
I'm not expecting to be friends with her after this (she still loves me, which is killing me) but we have a few mutual friends so I'd eventually like to be able to be around her without her hating my guts.
She is my first girlfriend so I've never had to do this before, how can I do it with the least amount of hurt?
Explain that your feelings have changed and it is over. Then move on.
Move on doesn't = you magically get over her, it means you stick to your guns, and eventually it won't be such an issue.
Best of luck.
I'm in the same situation, but I feel bad because the only reason I have for ending it is because I don't want to be in a relationship anymore. He hasn't done anything wrong
When you do it, do it face to face, not text or email like my ex did (3 YEARS AND ALL I GOT WAS A TEXT), even though it is hard to watch her cry etc. it's worse to be kissing her and hugging her when you don't feel it anymore.
Don't tell her you still care about her because it only gives her hope that you'll change your mind.
And please don't try and be her friend for a good 6 or 7 months, again it will only give her hope that you might take her back or spur her into playing the 'who's getting over who better' game. You said you have mutual friends but be the better person and walk away from them, she needs them more than you do right now and will appreciate that she hasn't got to be told about what you are up to etc.
It'll be tough, you aren't they bad guy. Remind yourself of that and if you do care about her let her go.
Don't tell her you still care about her because it only gives her hope that you'll change your mind.
And please don't try and be her friend for a good 6 or 7 months, again it will only give her hope that you might take her back or spur her into playing the 'who's getting over who better' game. You said you have mutual friends but be the better person and walk away from them, she needs them more than you do right now and will appreciate that she hasn't got to be told about what you are up to etc.
It'll be tough, you aren't they bad guy. Remind yourself of that and if you do care about her let her go.
Ok, update.
Spoke to her and just like I said she went out of her way to try and change my mind. I even tried to be a bit of a dick but as I predicted that just made her spout ways that she could change to make my life easier.
As someone said she might she didn't think she could handle this this close to Christmas so I agreed to still go through with that and maybe new years, on the proviso that she knew it wouldn't change my mind. I know agreeing to that might have been stupid, but I couldn't ruin her Christmas.
Spoke to her and just like I said she went out of her way to try and change my mind. I even tried to be a bit of a dick but as I predicted that just made her spout ways that she could change to make my life easier.
As someone said she might she didn't think she could handle this this close to Christmas so I agreed to still go through with that and maybe new years, on the proviso that she knew it wouldn't change my mind. I know agreeing to that might have been stupid, but I couldn't ruin her Christmas.
Original post by Anonymous
Ok, update.
Spoke to her and just like I said she went out of her way to try and change my mind. I even tried to be a bit of a dick but as I predicted that just made her spout ways that she could change to make my life easier.
As someone said she might she didn't think she could handle this this close to Christmas so I agreed to still go through with that and maybe new years, on the proviso that she knew it wouldn't change my mind. I know agreeing to that might have been stupid, but I couldn't ruin her Christmas.
Spoke to her and just like I said she went out of her way to try and change my mind. I even tried to be a bit of a dick but as I predicted that just made her spout ways that she could change to make my life easier.
As someone said she might she didn't think she could handle this this close to Christmas so I agreed to still go through with that and maybe new years, on the proviso that she knew it wouldn't change my mind. I know agreeing to that might have been stupid, but I couldn't ruin her Christmas.
You probably have already. Why couldn't you have just told her after christmas?
Original post by Mr. Orange
That's the way to do it
That's the way to do it
omg did that really happen?????
Original post by Anonymous
I know agreeing to that might have been stupid, but I couldn't ruin her Christmas.
You have just given her the hope that you will change your mind, that the Christmas Season and then NYE when you kiss at midnight, it'll make everything OK again. No one is going to 'cope' with a break up after that long a relationship, no matter when it is.
Actually the fact she is home with family will make it a bit better for her.
I know it seems the easy option to say to her that you'll last through xmas but I think you need to do the right thing and say you don't love her anymore and you don't want to be with her at all, not even just to make her Christmas better.
If you go through with the Christmas thing, how are you going to feel when she gives you a heart felt present and what will you give her in return? And I think you said she was coming to spend Christmas with your family, well she is braver than me if she is going to do that and truly believes that she will just let you walk away come January 2nd.
The quicker you end it then quicker she can start to get over you and move on.
As hard as it is, you have to do what you feel is right. There is noway to go about this without hurting her, but at least she'll be with her family and friends like you've said. This will be very hard for the both of you, but if she finds out you've almost 'put up with her' over christmas and pretended all this, then she'll be so much more hurt. Good luck, I really feel for you, but slight more for the girl because she is sort of in the same boat as I was. Just do it in person please!!
Tell her, no point dragging it on if you don't feel anything, otherwise you are just stringing her along, end it ASAP simples!
Final update.
She got on her train 1/2 an hour ago, bringing to a close possibly the longest break up in history. In the last 13 days we had periods of her hating me, one of us crying, both of us crying and pretending to be happy when we were at my parent's for crimbo and her mate's for new years.
We're obviously never going to be best friends, but there were times when we were almost normal and I still have an open invite to stay over in the spare room, she's a far better person than me and becase of this we will remain in each others lives.
One of the werdest things was how much it hit me seeing she'd changed her Facebook status to single, normally I barely notice stuff on it, but that seemed wierdly final.
Thanks to those who gave actual helpful advice, much appreciated.
Being single blows
She got on her train 1/2 an hour ago, bringing to a close possibly the longest break up in history. In the last 13 days we had periods of her hating me, one of us crying, both of us crying and pretending to be happy when we were at my parent's for crimbo and her mate's for new years.
We're obviously never going to be best friends, but there were times when we were almost normal and I still have an open invite to stay over in the spare room, she's a far better person than me and becase of this we will remain in each others lives.
One of the werdest things was how much it hit me seeing she'd changed her Facebook status to single, normally I barely notice stuff on it, but that seemed wierdly final.
Thanks to those who gave actual helpful advice, much appreciated.
Being single blows
Original post by Mr. Orange
That's the way to do it
That's the way to do it
Big high 5 to Emily, daayum
hi*
you
me
over.
(* = optional)
just cut to the chase. regardless of how you end it with her,you are still ending it with her.
you
me
over.
(* = optional)
just cut to the chase. regardless of how you end it with her,you are still ending it with her.
Original post by Anonymous
Final update.
She got on her train 1/2 an hour ago, bringing to a close possibly the longest break up in history. In the last 13 days we had periods of her hating me, one of us crying, both of us crying and pretending to be happy when we were at my parent's for crimbo and her mate's for new years.
We're obviously never going to be best friends, but there were times when we were almost normal and I still have an open invite to stay over in the spare room, she's a far better person than me and becase of this we will remain in each others lives.
One of the werdest things was how much it hit me seeing she'd changed her Facebook status to single, normally I barely notice stuff on it, but that seemed wierdly final.
Thanks to those who gave actual helpful advice, much appreciated.
Being single blows
She got on her train 1/2 an hour ago, bringing to a close possibly the longest break up in history. In the last 13 days we had periods of her hating me, one of us crying, both of us crying and pretending to be happy when we were at my parent's for crimbo and her mate's for new years.
We're obviously never going to be best friends, but there were times when we were almost normal and I still have an open invite to stay over in the spare room, she's a far better person than me and becase of this we will remain in each others lives.
One of the werdest things was how much it hit me seeing she'd changed her Facebook status to single, normally I barely notice stuff on it, but that seemed wierdly final.
Thanks to those who gave actual helpful advice, much appreciated.
Being single blows
I have to do exactly what you've done at some point soon, so I feel for you because I know how crap it is. Hope things get easier now for you :]
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