Cognitive behavioural therapy

I'd prefer to make this post non-anonymously but unfortunately I know people from uni on here who I'm quite close to and I'd rather tell them myself when the time comes.

Basically the counsellor at my university has suggested that I go for cognitive behavioural therapy. She thinks I automatically take on the role of the "carer" of people (for example, my friends and my mum who's widowed) and I have a massive fear that has stemmed from my childhood that, if I don't do that and I don't do what other people want me to rather than what I want to do, nobody will love me anymore. It's stopped me being my own person and whilst I'm a confident and outgoing person, I have an intrinsic fear that any action I make or anything I say might cause people to dislike me, therefore she wants me to get cognitive behavioural therapy to stop me thinking this way and stop some of the behaviours this comes with.

Has anyone had it before? Was it useful? If you don't mind me asking, what was it for?

My boyfriend is a counsellor strangely enough, he is very anti-CBT. He says that it is driven mainly by a need to process people through the NHS because it is straightforward and goals driven, and doesn't require too close a relationship between counsellor and subject. He prefers therapy based on talking and giving the person a chance to open up and talk to someone and think about their problems, which I agree with. CBT is very "this is what is wrong with you, these are the steps you can go through to change the way you think and behave and here is a worksheet to take away with you" IMHO. Gets people through the counselling process in minimal time and they can say they've got results because they've given you the tools to change your own behaviour and the responsibility lies with you. Very treating thought processes and symptoms, rather than the time-consuming process of examining your own feelings, past and emotions.

I had it when I was younger and at uni because I couldn't handle stress, always thought I was going to fail and used to self harm to deal with things.

No, I didn't find it helpful, but then I've hated every kind of counselling I've ever had. What helped me was just getting older and working through things in my own head.

My boyfriend is a counsellor strangely enough, he is very anti-CBT. He says that it is driven mainly by a need to process people through the NHS because it is straightforward and goals driven, and doesn't require too close a relationship between counsellor and subject. He prefers therapy based on talking and giving the person a chance to open up and talk to someone and think about their problems, which I agree with. CBT is very "this is what is wrong with you, these are the steps you can go through to change the way you think and behave and here is a worksheet to take away with you" IMHO. Gets people through the counselling process in minimal time and they can say they've got results because they've given you the tools to change your own behaviour and the responsibility lies with you. Very treating thought processes and symptoms, rather than the time-consuming process of examining your own feelings, past and emotions.

Wow, I seriously could have written this myself (widowed mother aside)

I've been having CBT since January. Though I have similar issues to you (by the sounds of it), it was offered to me due to a diagnosis of depression, intrusive thoughts and psychosis. The hope is that CBT should make the latter illness less distressing/destructive.

I find CBT rather painful but I handily scheduled it for every Friday afternoon so that if I get upset, I've got plenty of time to wallow before having to face the world again. I don't like it sometimes and didn't really think it was having any impact at all but my current psychotic episode has proved that it's slowly but surely taking effect and empowering me more, which is nice




Perhaps I'm just lucky with my CBT person but I think your boyfriend is rather cynical. (Then again, I really didn't react well to counselling ) Obviously my CBT is quite structured and goal-driven but she does allow me to completely derail whole sessions by opening up about past traumas and how that affects how I'm feeling at the moment. We recently decided that we need to rethink our overall method and aim to actually spend more time looking at the past. She's very nice and flexible and we have a good/comfortable relationship. She's quite concerned too, which is quite sweet

I don't know if her being one part of a care team rather than the only person treating me makes a difference though

Whether or not I have depression is still in question but they feel I might have an anxiety disorder, which to me would make a lot of sense. I'm glad you're having a more positive experience of it. I think I might give it a go, if it's not for me I'll have to try something else but I know I can't really go on thinking in this way because it's destroying me.