Is it possible to LIKE being depressed?

The doctors told me I had depression. Part of me feels like it's all wrong and that I'm lying about all my symptoms. The other part of me accepts this diagnosis. The other, other part of me wants to hurl myself off a bridge.

I feel like an attention seeker for telling people. I told three people and it just feels so wrong that they know. What if they tell one person each? Then, 6 people would know. And if they told another one person each, then 9 people would know and so on... Y'know what? Maybe it's not depression at all. Maybe it's just self-piteous teenage hormones.

Anyway, my question is... supposing I did have depression, will it ever go away? And the more worrying question, why the heck do I like being sad? This is the main reason why I think I don't have depression. What kind of depressed person likes being depressed??

This question is probably one self contradiction after another. I don't even know what to think.

Thanks for reading.

Reply 1

CherryCherryBoomBoom

21

I sure don't like being depressed. And I'm pretty sure it would be quite a contradiction if anyone did like it. I mean, who really enjoys being sad? :s-smilie:

Sorry if my reply didn't help much, but I'm just finding it a bit hard to wrap my head around what you said. Hmmm, maybe your depressed state is just making you somewhat confused about your feelings and thoughts - could that be it?

Reply 2

Refrigerator

3

I think depression is defined as being unhappy or something to that effect, so if you enjoy it you won't be depressed anyway

Reply 3

Anonymous #2

depression is something you dont LIKE. its psycological, and something you cant really help.
people think people suffering from depression like it.
but thats stupid, if i could choose i wouldnt have depression.
i would never have self harmed.
i wouldnt fake my emotions so people THINK im ok.

you can get it under control with anti depressants if you want.
i now wish when my dr asked me if i thought i was depressed i said yes, instead i freaked out and said no... and tried to cover up my past.

i want help
:/

Russians

You probably just like the attention. No-one likes being depressed, that's what makes it depression, sadness is completely the opposite of enjoyment. You say that you want it to go away, yet you enjoy it? Something doesn't add up here.

Do you have a large black fringe, and listen to crappy bands like Brokencyde, and have a Myspace page? Classic case of the plague known as emo. You'll be glad to know (or perhaps not) it's something most people (bar a few tragic cases) grow out of by the age of 15.

Reply 6

Sabertooth

20

I'm pretty sure it's impossible to like being depressed. :lolwut:

Maybe what you're feeling is comfort in the familiarity of it all, not being depressed is a big change which possibly could be scary, but liking it? eek.

Reply 7

beepbeeprichie

18

Not depression but self-pity is a comforting emotion.

Reply 8

LizzayBT

i dont mean to be harsh, but you do seem like a real attention seeker. you feel like youre lying about your symptoms, you tell a lot of people when you get diagnosed, and youre GLAD about having depression? yup, real attention seeker.

ive got depression and schizophrenia and the only people irl who know are my brother and sister. its not something im proud of, its something i loath, its something that severely destroys every aspect of my life.

Reply 9

parasitic

11

I'm sure it possible to like depression too. It's a bit like masochism. You enjoy that emotional pain tearing you apart, when somedays or even few hours later you want it all gone. The cycle repeats.

I felt this way before when I was a teen, about 15yrs old.
It's really weird feeling to enjoy it and at the same time hate it and want it gone. I don't really know how to explain it, only people who know it would know :biggrin:

I don't think it has anything to do with attention seeking, mainly because no one knew about it apart from me, and sometimes my best friend knew I felt sad now and then.
I guess if you want people to know then maybe you are seeking attention/pity...
Only you can know as we can't see inside your head...

Reply 10

Chewmeister

11

I don't like being depressed, but when I feel normal I sometimes feel empty. I keep my life simple and drama free, and sometimes I miss the strong emotions I had when I was depressed.

Of course I only miss it retrospectively, because when it's happening, there's nothing worse in the world.

Reply 11

hmon93

10

I sort of know what you mean. But when I'm depressed I just want it to go away.

Reply 12

chai wallah

Original post by Anonymous

The doctors told me I had depression. Part of me feels like it's all wrong and that I'm lying about all my symptoms. The other part of me accepts this diagnosis. The other, other part of me wants to hurl myself off a bridge.

I feel like an attention seeker for telling people. I told three people and it just feels so wrong that they know. What if they tell one person each? Then, 6 people would know. And if they told another one person each, then 9 people would know and so on... Y'know what? Maybe it's not depression at all. Maybe it's just self-piteous teenage hormones.

Anyway, my question is... supposing I did have depression, will it ever go away? And the more worrying question, why the heck do I like being sad? This is the main reason why I think I don't have depression. What kind of depressed person likes being depressed??

This question is probably one self contradiction after another. I don't even know what to think.

Thanks for reading.

You're not an attention seeker, though it's normal to feel like you are.

Yes, it can and will go away.

There are lots of complicated reasons why you might 'like' it - if you're angry or feeling crazy it can make you feel alive; if you're watching daytime TV naked and haven't got up off the sofa for hours you might 'like' it even if you feel disgusting for it, because at least you're comfortable and something else is filling up your head. That sort of thing.

Depression doesn't come in only the catatonic can't-do-anything variety, and not being that way doesn't disqualify you from being clinically depressed (if you are) nor mean you're just full of hormones.

Reply 13

chai wallah

Original post by hmon93

I sort of know what you mean. But when I'm depressed I just want it to go away.

yep. Depending on who you are and how you're feeling etc, though, if you feel like it's never going to go away then you can become resigned to it - and if you're resigned it you at least have a begrudging familiarity that can feel

The cycle goes: if you dislike something (wet socks) you want it to change (no more wet socks). If you like something (warm dry socks) you usually don't want it to change (warm dry socks forever please). If you dislike something but you feel there's absolutely no way it's going to change (I live in a puddle), then there's then no point wanting it to change (there are no dry socks). So it begins to feel rather like liking, even though it isn't, quite.

Reply 14

think1

18

I guess you could like being depressed. You could have gotten into a habit that that you don't want to/are scared of change. Maybe you like feeling something. You should see a counsellor if you can.

Reply 15

Journeyzap

11

Sounds like a bit of self-pity.

Reply 16

IndigoRockGirl

11

Just so you know, depression isn't the same as sadness.
I think it's very common to feel like you want to stay depressed because it's sort of comforting and the only thing that's familiar, but that is very different to liking it. I think you should ask your GP to refer you to a psychologist, who will help you to at least sort out how you feel about being depressed, if not actually cure it. My advice at this point would be not to take medication. IMO it's much better to solve a problem at it's source rather than solving the symptoms.

PM me if you want to talk :smile:

Good luck
x

Reply 17

subbacultcha.

1

I know what you mean. For me, I think it is that sometimes my life seems to just be chugging along ok with no real ups and downs, no strong thoughts or emotions. You feel fine, just 'meh' all the time. Sometimes when you succumb to it, and just let yourself be sad it can feel better than the empty blah-ness that comes from a lack of any emotion atall. It makes you feel alive, and its like the gates come down and you feel the flood of emotion and it's like you're finally thinking deeply again, with your whole mind.

Now I'm not saying that this is anything like clinical depression, and I wouldn't want to comment on that because I've never experienced it. And I know a lot of what I've said has been said already, I just wanted to put my own spin on it.

Also found it very interesting someone said about self pity being comforting, it's like when you allow yourself to be sad it's a release to acknowledge the feelings that you've been supressing, bubbling under the surface.

Reply 18

Anonymous #3

I think I understand what you mean.

I haven't had depression or any treatment for depression, but I do get swings of mood whereby sometimes it feels as though nobody could like me, I have upset or disappointed or irritated everyone - including myself. Everything is dark and sometimes I cry about it, sometimes I make a plan to be "better"/more likeable etc, sometimes I just feel gloomy for a long time.

And on some kind of level I think I do like that feeling. I don't know. It's awful but maybe I like to think I have lots of problems or I'm a sad person or something. Maybe I just want to be a sympathetic character in my own life. Maybe that's better than being someone who's a bit awful, but not sad about it. At least if you're sad about being awful, there's something redeemable about you.

But you couldn't call it attention seeking because I don't let other people see or know about those feelings. I think sometimes I am attention seeking, but to myself somehow. I want people to know in a way sometimes, but I go to lengths to keep it a secret and I would hate it if they "found out".

So maybe I am quite similar to you, I think I do understand what you are saying. But I'm not actually depressed, or at least not depressed for very long at a time. I mean, I don't feel like that now, but I feel that I could bring on that mood if I wanted. Sometimes I think I do want to. Maybe it is a form of punishment if I think I have been a bad person! :tongue: