Is there any hope for me? I have failed in life.
I feel like I have failed in life only at the age of 21.
I was a very hard-working kid. I got straight A*s at GCSEs and AAA at A-level and went off to Imperial College to study a good degree. This is where things started to go wrong. I was affected by a lot of problems at home. Somebody I was very close to passed away and my father was very abusive. On top of that, I had my heart broken for the first time.
My tutor was very unsympathetic about my situation. I got no help with anything. I couldn't even get time off to go to the funeral. By the end of first year, I had failed an exam for the very first time and got 2.2s and 3rds in all other exams.
This is when I realised that I was suffering from depression. Problems at home continued to get worse and my mother fell very ill. At one point we were told she was unlikely to survive. I carried on doing badly at University and again got very bad grades. My mum has fully recovered now, which I am very grateful for.
My third year at University was the worst. My depression was so bad that I stopped eating. I stopped talking to people. I would find it extremely difficult to even get out of bed in the mornings and do simple tasks like make a cup of tea. I would go to the kitchen once a day in the middle of the night to avoid bumping into my flatmates. I was miserable.
I decided to go to the doctors and get help. She advised me to take a year out and go home, but I couldn't do that because that would have only made my condition worse, so I decided to carry on.
It was a huge mistake. Again I got a 2.2. This year is my final year at univeristy and I have failed yet another exam. Even if I get all first in the exams in 2 weeks time (which is highly unlikely) I will not get anything more than a 2.2
I have always wanted to do a PhD. But with my grades I havent been accepted onto anywhere. Even if I do get a place it won't be funded because you need 2.1 to be eligible foe funding.
I can't even get a job. I have pushed all my friends away. I've destroyed my relationship with my family and I have no hope for the career I wanted to pursue.
Does anyone have any advise on how I should proceed from here? Any advice on coping with pretty much failing my degree would also be really appreciated.
Thank you for reading.
I was a very hard-working kid. I got straight A*s at GCSEs and AAA at A-level and went off to Imperial College to study a good degree. This is where things started to go wrong. I was affected by a lot of problems at home. Somebody I was very close to passed away and my father was very abusive. On top of that, I had my heart broken for the first time.
My tutor was very unsympathetic about my situation. I got no help with anything. I couldn't even get time off to go to the funeral. By the end of first year, I had failed an exam for the very first time and got 2.2s and 3rds in all other exams.
This is when I realised that I was suffering from depression. Problems at home continued to get worse and my mother fell very ill. At one point we were told she was unlikely to survive. I carried on doing badly at University and again got very bad grades. My mum has fully recovered now, which I am very grateful for.
My third year at University was the worst. My depression was so bad that I stopped eating. I stopped talking to people. I would find it extremely difficult to even get out of bed in the mornings and do simple tasks like make a cup of tea. I would go to the kitchen once a day in the middle of the night to avoid bumping into my flatmates. I was miserable.
I decided to go to the doctors and get help. She advised me to take a year out and go home, but I couldn't do that because that would have only made my condition worse, so I decided to carry on.
It was a huge mistake. Again I got a 2.2. This year is my final year at univeristy and I have failed yet another exam. Even if I get all first in the exams in 2 weeks time (which is highly unlikely) I will not get anything more than a 2.2
I have always wanted to do a PhD. But with my grades I havent been accepted onto anywhere. Even if I do get a place it won't be funded because you need 2.1 to be eligible foe funding.
I can't even get a job. I have pushed all my friends away. I've destroyed my relationship with my family and I have no hope for the career I wanted to pursue.
Does anyone have any advise on how I should proceed from here? Any advice on coping with pretty much failing my degree would also be really appreciated.
Thank you for reading.
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This nearly brought me to tears..Always remember there is always hope. I am probably too young to give you any advice whatsoever but I think you need a fresh start as you have evidently gone through extremely rough times. I hope you get the advice that you need but sadly I cannot give it to you as i'm only in year 10...Good luck with life and I hope everything goes well for you. Never give up hope, always find that spec of hope that can give you that boost that can be pivotal in your life. Smile, cheer up, watch loads of crap that makes you happy. Do happy things. Drink some hot chocolate...I don't know..think back to things that made you smile! You will get through this, don't worry about it 
I can't really give the best solution, but I do wish for you to feel better about yourself soon 
Its unfair for anyone to feel so down, but you could always think of tomorrow as another opportunity to do something you enjoy. Do small things that you like, at least that would keep you slightly entertained. Whenever you feel ready, why don't you try to re-befriend people who have been worried about you. As for your job, I don't know how the social paradigm works there, but if you can't accomplish Plan A, why not go for Plan B. It may not be better, but at least you'll have a start.
Maybe whatever I say won't work, because I've never been in your position. But I sincerely hope that whatever you decide to do can reduce your pain and clear your mind off things.
Its unfair for anyone to feel so down, but you could always think of tomorrow as another opportunity to do something you enjoy. Do small things that you like, at least that would keep you slightly entertained. Whenever you feel ready, why don't you try to re-befriend people who have been worried about you. As for your job, I don't know how the social paradigm works there, but if you can't accomplish Plan A, why not go for Plan B. It may not be better, but at least you'll have a start.
Maybe whatever I say won't work, because I've never been in your position. But I sincerely hope that whatever you decide to do can reduce your pain and clear your mind off things.
I am not sure what to say. i feel so bad for you, as i see that you used to be very motivated and you knew exactly what you wanted in life, which is not something everyone can say.
If I were you i would first of all go to the doctor. then i would try doing another degree if you are really that keen on doing a phd. it will be another four years but at least your dream will come true as for your friends dont worry: you can make new ones in no time if you have the right attitude ad try being more positive, which i know is difficult.
i wish you all the luck in the world
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If I were you i would first of all go to the doctor. then i would try doing another degree if you are really that keen on doing a phd. it will be another four years but at least your dream will come true
as for your friends dont worry: you can make new ones in no time if you have the right attitude ad try being more positive, which i know is difficult.i wish you all the luck in the world
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Original post by feathermoon
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Original post by ashleighgiles
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Thank you. It's comforting to hear kind words from strangers
Original post by ce303ce303
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Thank you for the advise. I'm going to the doctors on Monday.
I can't do another degree. I won't be able to get a loan and my family won't support me.
I was thinking of doing some volunteering, but I don't know how I'll pay rent once I run out of student loan at the end of term.
I'm so sorry for what you've been through but you'll be alright <hugs>. There are options open to you to do another degree - it may take a little longer, but maybe some time out of education will be good for you. When you're ready, maybe Open Uni? Or maybe you'll repair the relationship with your family?
For now, your challenge is to get past the depression. It's hard, but it can be done. A few people close to me have found this very helpful - intelligent people often feel very frustrated with depression, and understanding how it works can be a massive relief in itself.
http://www.clinical-depression.co.uk/depression-learning-path/
Good luck and let us know how you get on
For now, your challenge is to get past the depression. It's hard, but it can be done. A few people close to me have found this very helpful - intelligent people often feel very frustrated with depression, and understanding how it works can be a massive relief in itself.
http://www.clinical-depression.co.uk/depression-learning-path/
Good luck and let us know how you get on
If you can't be happy yourself, make others happy and your own happiness will follow
Get out to Africa and help the people who need it most!
PM why you negged me plzz
Get out to Africa and help the people who need it most!
PM why you negged me plzz
(edited 11 years ago)
I was in a similar situation and it took me three times to pass my third year at uni and right now I'm in 4th year, I got decent grades too and I'm feeling better.
I did things I regret and I'll never hurt myself again. You can change, it's not too late.
I did things I regret and I'll never hurt myself again. You can change, it's not too late.
You need a year out. For certain, you really need to find yourself and everything else will follow. You've worked too hard to give it all up here.
Embrace your past, but live for now
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Embrace your past, but live for now
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Original post by IndEng_guy
Your situation doesn't explain why despite circumstances not directly related to your health or mental ability, you managed to fail your exams. You stopped eating? Stopped talking to people? Who is responsible for that? Only you. It's not like you wanted to become professional football player but lost your legs in a terrible accident. You have everything you need to succeed and make your dreams come true, you just decided not to. Watch a video in youtube with "Warhawk Matt Scott in Nike commercial" and stop complaining. Some people have it much worse than you and still eat, talk to people and do great in life overall.
It might be worth seeing if there is some kind of 'special consideration' option for the PhD funding.
Either way, your degree classification isn't the be-all-and-end-all of your career. I know a guy who graduated, started off in sales and went on to have a successful decade or so in the civil service before being headhunted out to his current 6-figure-salary job as a senior business adviser in the private sector. Not bad for a guy with a 3rd class degree in Materials!
There are still plenty of opportunities, but you just might have to go for more of a work-your-way-up promotion approach rather than going for city graduate schemes or whatever it is people seem to think they have to do to be successful after university.
Either way, your degree classification isn't the be-all-and-end-all of your career. I know a guy who graduated, started off in sales and went on to have a successful decade or so in the civil service before being headhunted out to his current 6-figure-salary job as a senior business adviser in the private sector. Not bad for a guy with a 3rd class degree in Materials!
There are still plenty of opportunities, but you just might have to go for more of a work-your-way-up promotion approach rather than going for city graduate schemes or whatever it is people seem to think they have to do to be successful after university.
This is going to sound really crazy but we seem to have parallel situations.
I went through pretty much the same thing at the same uni and ended up taking the year out.
I don't want to give too much away in this thread in case someone I know reads it but PM me if you want to talk
I went through pretty much the same thing at the same uni and ended up taking the year out.
I don't want to give too much away in this thread in case someone I know reads it but PM me if you want to talk
Original post by Anonymous
Thank you. It's comforting to hear kind words from strangers
Aw, its no biggie!
I'm really sorry, that sounds awful :/
But don't give up and look on the bright side; things will only get better from here on out!
You have a pretty strong case for extenuating circumstances; I'm positive that your prospective PhD Admissions tutor will take that into consideration, especially since your doctor can confirm your case.
Also, securing a job is difficult for anyone right now, so don't fall into the trap of thinking that you would've had an offer by now if only your degree classification were higher.
I think the most important thing right now is to put yourself out there, start socialising with people again, and in general just do things that make you happy!
In time you'll feel better, your drive and charisma will come back, and you'll be ready to take on the world again!
You may not feel like it now, but I promise you, it will happen! And when that time comes, bump the thread so I can chime in again and say I told you so Good luck.
But don't give up and look on the bright side; things will only get better from here on out!
You have a pretty strong case for extenuating circumstances; I'm positive that your prospective PhD Admissions tutor will take that into consideration, especially since your doctor can confirm your case.
Also, securing a job is difficult for anyone right now, so don't fall into the trap of thinking that you would've had an offer by now if only your degree classification were higher.
I think the most important thing right now is to put yourself out there, start socialising with people again, and in general just do things that make you happy!
In time you'll feel better, your drive and charisma will come back, and you'll be ready to take on the world again!
You may not feel like it now, but I promise you, it will happen! And when that time comes, bump the thread so I can chime in again and say I told you so
Good luck.Original post by therisenmitten
This is going to sound really crazy but we seem to have parallel situations.
I went through pretty much the same thing at the same uni and ended up taking the year out.
I went through pretty much the same thing at the same uni and ended up taking the year out.
Original post by MegM
I also know of someone who went through the same thing at that university.
Ahh, maybe it's me? Although I don't know anyone called meg (if that's your real name).
I don't think imperial has a very good tutor system or good support at all. I went through 1st year without ever being contacted by my personal tutor or seeing him.
Please, please, please don't harm yourself! It will get better, it always does.
A friend of mine, when he was 17, was flying high at everything. He was getting good grades, had a great family, had a great girlfriend, had great friends and had a great car. But one day he went to a party with some friends - but didn't have anything to drink as he had to drive home. And as he was driving home, he was hit by another driver.
His car was totalled.
He broke his leg.
His girlfriend dumped him.
His grades suffered.
He lost his friends.
He struggled with sports.
His family was furious with him.
He was so depressed, that he eventually tried to kill himself. He had a skylight from his bedroom and so he tied a rope at the top and a noose at the bottom. He placed his head through the noose and kicked the table her was standing on away. But he hadn't tied the rope at the top properly, and a very short time later, the knot gave way and the rope came crashing down. Even then he thought to himself "I'm such a failure, that I can't even kill myself".
Over time, things started to get a little better; little by little, step by step.
32 years later, he, his wife, his two children, his family and friends are all glad that the rope wasn't tied on properly.
A friend of mine, when he was 17, was flying high at everything. He was getting good grades, had a great family, had a great girlfriend, had great friends and had a great car. But one day he went to a party with some friends - but didn't have anything to drink as he had to drive home. And as he was driving home, he was hit by another driver.
His car was totalled.
He broke his leg.
His girlfriend dumped him.
His grades suffered.
He lost his friends.
He struggled with sports.
His family was furious with him.
He was so depressed, that he eventually tried to kill himself. He had a skylight from his bedroom and so he tied a rope at the top and a noose at the bottom. He placed his head through the noose and kicked the table her was standing on away. But he hadn't tied the rope at the top properly, and a very short time later, the knot gave way and the rope came crashing down. Even then he thought to himself "I'm such a failure, that I can't even kill myself".
Over time, things started to get a little better; little by little, step by step.
32 years later, he, his wife, his two children, his family and friends are all glad that the rope wasn't tied on properly.
The first priority above all else should be to move to a calm and collected sustained mental position, it sounds like you feel very stressed.
I myself am 24 and despite the plan in school being to do A levels, go to university and get rich i chose to do menial work for a few years and won't be done with my degree until 26 so if i don't feel a failure, your certainly not.
Get out there and get a menial part time job, look for opportunities like a year working abroad (even a menial job) as a chance to earn some cash and then come back and do a Masters in your subject, hopefully securing PHD funding as well.
I myself am 24 and despite the plan in school being to do A levels, go to university and get rich i chose to do menial work for a few years and won't be done with my degree until 26 so if i don't feel a failure, your certainly not.
Get out there and get a menial part time job, look for opportunities like a year working abroad (even a menial job) as a chance to earn some cash and then come back and do a Masters in your subject, hopefully securing PHD funding as well.
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