Looking For Jobs, But Can't Decide Where To Live - Boyfriend or Hometown?
I've just come to the end of my two University degrees, and I'm finally looking for my first graduate job… but I really can't decide where I want to live - back in my hometown at my Grandparents house or stay at my boyfriends parents house where I've lived throughout my degrees, and where I live at the minute. In terms of job opportunities, there isn't much difference, although the salary is slightly higher at home.
In terms of my two options… I've got my boyfriends house, where I have the majority of my stuff, my boyfriend who I love to bits, and I have a good relationship with his parents (even if sometimes they do drive me a little crazy). However, I don''t have any friends here, as they all moved back home at the end of College (which does get lonely sometimes, especially if my boyfriend is going out with his friends), and I don't really like the area where they live. In contrast, I love my hometown and all my friends and family are there - I always get a little sad when I leave to go back to my boyfriends! However, I'd miss my boyfriend if I lived there (I usually get a little upset when leaving him for a week… let alone permanently), the living situation wouldn't be ideal and I'm also wondering if I'd miss the routine… as at my boyfriends we go out a few times during the week and do different things, whereas if I lived at home it would be working 9 - 5, evening at home, and a usual weekend routine… other than meeting up with friends a few times a month… so I'm wondering if that would feel a little boring to me. Another option is renting a place at home / in a nearby city to my hometown… but renting isn't very cheap at either place… which is where staying with family would be better in order to save for a house due to it being cheaper… but at the same time I'd love my own place too… but would I get a little lonely after always being surrounded by people?! Sometimes I just think, if my parents were still alive, things would be so much easier and I could go back to my childhood home and do what many of my friends have done - gone back home, got a job and started to save! Obviously, if I did move back home, my boyfriend and I would regularly visit one another - a little like my friends do at the minute with their partners, as my boyfriend doesn't want to move out of his childhood home for a few years yet (even if he is 27), and plus he has a job in his hometown, so he wouldn't want / be able to come with me anyway. If it was up to me, I'd live at my boyfriends house, but have it in my hometown… which obviously cannot be achieved.
Obviously, getting a job is permanent, so I want to ensure my decision is the correct one.. as I'd hate to regret it further down the line. I'm just wondering if living at my boyfriends would be too permanent in comparison to living back in my hometown (even if the living situation at home isn't always ideal)… as throughout my college years I've always been flexible with going home, whereas when you have a job you don't have as much freedom.
Not only that, but I've also got to think about the future, and where I want to be. At the moment, I definitely cannot see myself buying a home around my boyfriends hometown (even though it's not for a few years yet)… just because I really don't like it… which may cause us problems in the future if he doesn't want to live far away from his family. In the future, I'd definitely prefer to have a home nearer my hometown, a new city, or even if I'm lucky enough overseas. I just seem to be far more open to stuff like that in comparison to him. I'm just wondering if that should also have an influence of my decision or not.
Problem is, my family / friends assume I'm coming home, and my boyfriend assumes I'm staying with him and his parents… and until I decide exactly what I'm doing, whether it's stay with my boyfriend, live at my Grandparents, or have a fresh start renting in a new city or in my hometown, I'm finding it difficult to start looking for jobs, as I don't know where I want to be.
Any advice would be most appreciated, as I'm really torn with what I should do.
In terms of my two options… I've got my boyfriends house, where I have the majority of my stuff, my boyfriend who I love to bits, and I have a good relationship with his parents (even if sometimes they do drive me a little crazy). However, I don''t have any friends here, as they all moved back home at the end of College (which does get lonely sometimes, especially if my boyfriend is going out with his friends), and I don't really like the area where they live. In contrast, I love my hometown and all my friends and family are there - I always get a little sad when I leave to go back to my boyfriends! However, I'd miss my boyfriend if I lived there (I usually get a little upset when leaving him for a week… let alone permanently), the living situation wouldn't be ideal and I'm also wondering if I'd miss the routine… as at my boyfriends we go out a few times during the week and do different things, whereas if I lived at home it would be working 9 - 5, evening at home, and a usual weekend routine… other than meeting up with friends a few times a month… so I'm wondering if that would feel a little boring to me. Another option is renting a place at home / in a nearby city to my hometown… but renting isn't very cheap at either place… which is where staying with family would be better in order to save for a house due to it being cheaper… but at the same time I'd love my own place too… but would I get a little lonely after always being surrounded by people?! Sometimes I just think, if my parents were still alive, things would be so much easier and I could go back to my childhood home and do what many of my friends have done - gone back home, got a job and started to save! Obviously, if I did move back home, my boyfriend and I would regularly visit one another - a little like my friends do at the minute with their partners, as my boyfriend doesn't want to move out of his childhood home for a few years yet (even if he is 27), and plus he has a job in his hometown, so he wouldn't want / be able to come with me anyway. If it was up to me, I'd live at my boyfriends house, but have it in my hometown… which obviously cannot be achieved.
Obviously, getting a job is permanent, so I want to ensure my decision is the correct one.. as I'd hate to regret it further down the line. I'm just wondering if living at my boyfriends would be too permanent in comparison to living back in my hometown (even if the living situation at home isn't always ideal)… as throughout my college years I've always been flexible with going home, whereas when you have a job you don't have as much freedom.
Not only that, but I've also got to think about the future, and where I want to be. At the moment, I definitely cannot see myself buying a home around my boyfriends hometown (even though it's not for a few years yet)… just because I really don't like it… which may cause us problems in the future if he doesn't want to live far away from his family. In the future, I'd definitely prefer to have a home nearer my hometown, a new city, or even if I'm lucky enough overseas. I just seem to be far more open to stuff like that in comparison to him. I'm just wondering if that should also have an influence of my decision or not.
Problem is, my family / friends assume I'm coming home, and my boyfriend assumes I'm staying with him and his parents… and until I decide exactly what I'm doing, whether it's stay with my boyfriend, live at my Grandparents, or have a fresh start renting in a new city or in my hometown, I'm finding it difficult to start looking for jobs, as I don't know where I want to be.
Any advice would be most appreciated, as I'm really torn with what I should do.
How far is your boyfriend's hometown from your hometown?
Is there no way that he'd be willing to move for you? Surely if someone loves you, they'd be willing to compromise for you and the two of you could move together and live somewhere in between both your hometowns? Why should it be you doing all the compromising and not him?
The fairest thing to do would be for the two of you to live somewhere in the middle of the two towns.
Is there no way that he'd be willing to move for you? Surely if someone loves you, they'd be willing to compromise for you and the two of you could move together and live somewhere in between both your hometowns? Why should it be you doing all the compromising and not him?
The fairest thing to do would be for the two of you to live somewhere in the middle of the two towns.
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It sounds to me like you've already decided to move back to your home town. It's really your decision and I think that if your boyfriend is still living at home at 27 you've got to ask yourself whether he'll ever move out of his parents. You moving out might be the push he needs.
I'm also in a position where I'm thinking about where I'll live after I graduate, but for me, it's not too difficult a decision. Having been long distance with my boyfriend for three years (and it will be four years by the time I graduate) my first priority once I finish university is to move to my boyfriend; for us, it feels like life has been on hold and I don't want to have to be in a LDR for a day longer than necessary.
My family wants me to come home after I've graduated, but I've started hinting that it's not going to happen so that they won't be so they hopefully won't be too disappointed.
I think it's important for you to discuss your options with the people involved; especially your boyfriend. Explain your thoughts about the future and find out what his plans are. When you've done this, you will be in a better position to make your decision.
My family wants me to come home after I've graduated, but I've started hinting that it's not going to happen so that they won't be so they hopefully won't be too disappointed.
I think it's important for you to discuss your options with the people involved; especially your boyfriend. Explain your thoughts about the future and find out what his plans are. When you've done this, you will be in a better position to make your decision.
Original post by lizlaz350
How far is your boyfriend's hometown from your hometown?
Is there no way that he'd be willing to move for you? Surely if someone loves you, they'd be willing to compromise for you and the two of you could move together and live somewhere in between both your hometowns? Why should it be you doing all the compromising and not him?
The fairest thing to do would be for the two of you to live somewhere in the middle of the two towns.
Is there no way that he'd be willing to move for you? Surely if someone loves you, they'd be willing to compromise for you and the two of you could move together and live somewhere in between both your hometowns? Why should it be you doing all the compromising and not him?
The fairest thing to do would be for the two of you to live somewhere in the middle of the two towns.
My boyfriend lives just under 3 hours from my hometown. I'd have thought so too, but he still seems adamant on staying at home where he has a job, friends, and somewhere cheap to live instead of renting. I have asked him before why it's always got to be me… and it's always ended up in an argument. It's the same when we discuss future areas to live, he doesn't want to live more than an hour away from his family because he'd miss them. I come back with but you've never left home so how would you know, and that its easier than he thinks… but he won't have any of it. Very frustrating for me!
Original post by pinkbullets
It sounds to me like you've already decided to move back to your home town. It's really your decision and I think that if your boyfriend is still living at home at 27 you've got to ask yourself whether he'll ever move out of his parents. You moving out might be the push he needs.
Exactly. I am wondering if the realisation of me potentially moving away from him might make him think differently. It is definitely a tough decision at the minute, which I'm really going to have to think about.
I would personally move wherever the best job opportunities are across the whole of the UK and not just two areas, but then I find it really easy to detach myself from a place and/or people.
If you go for a job where your boyfriend lives then would you still be happy living in that area if you split up? If you're working Mon-Fri you might find you're fairly tired after work and end up spending most nights in anyway.
If you go for a job where your boyfriend lives then would you still be happy living in that area if you split up? If you're working Mon-Fri you might find you're fairly tired after work and end up spending most nights in anyway.
Original post by Anonymous
My boyfriend lives just under 3 hours from my hometown. I'd have thought so too, but he still seems adamant on staying at home where he has a job, friends, and somewhere cheap to live instead of renting. I have asked him before why it's always got to be me… and it's always ended up in an argument. It's the same when we discuss future areas to live, he doesn't want to live more than an hour away from his family because he'd miss them. I come back with but you've never left home so how would you know, and that its easier than he thinks… but he won't have any of it. Very frustrating for me!
Is there nowhere about an hour and a half from both you wouldn't mind settling for? If he's really unwilling to compromise then just live where you want and where you'd be happy and forget about him. It's not fair of him to expect you to give everything up and to make no effort himself.
To be honest, I've had similar arguments with my boyfriend. He doesn't live at home any more, he rents his own flat but it's still in his hometown and he was expecting me to move there when I graduate even though I hate it.
I wasn't too fussed about staying in my home town, I just wanted to find a place I loved for us to live in but it was made difficult by him wanting to stay in the area. Luckily I've managed to find somewhere that we both love and wouldn't mind living in and he could still commute to work from there even though it's a longer distance. It's taken a long time and a lot of discussion for us to come up with the compromise though.
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