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Cannot Flirt To Save My Life

Is flirting that essential? I just can't do it. I have no problems talking with girls, I'm not nervous around them, we text, we talk, I've asked one out recently...I just can't flirt with them.

I'm not particularly huggy- I don't go up and hug girls, if they hug me that's cool, but I don't initiate it. I'm receptive to flirting, but I don't start it.
I saw my friend yesterday- with this girl he was playfully twisting her arm, playfully pulling her hair, hugging, etc...I just don't know how to do it.

I've seen another friend, like me, who tries to flirt- and it's the most brutally socially awkward thing to watch- and I don't want to be like that.

For girls, if a guy doesn't flirt, does it bother you?

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Reply 1

Mankytoes

I think it's often pretty essential. How old are you? It takes a lot of guys a long time to get good at it.

Reply 2

nicatre

Just talk and make conversation like a normal person.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

Original post by Mankytoes

I think it's often pretty essential. How old are you? It takes a lot of guys a long time to get good at it.

23. I haven't had much, well any experience with girls.
Like I said, I've always got on with girls, haven't been afraid of them, I just never had the balls to ask them out.

Anyway 4 months ago I asked a girl out for the first time, she said yes...but that's a whole other thread.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Original post by nicatre

Just talk and make conversation like a normal person.

That's what I do, no problem with that.

Reply 5

nicatre

Original post by Anonymous

That's what I do, no problem with that.

Then you're groovy.

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

Original post by nicatre

Then you're groovy.

So flirting isn't essential?

Reply 7

nicatre

Original post by Anonymous

So flirting isn't essential?

*shrug* I've never done it.

Meet someone, get to know them, like them, tell them.

Reply 8

shiggydiggy

Insult girl while touching her arm +/- cheeky grin.

Done

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

Original post by nicatre

*shrug* I've never done it.

Meet someone, get to know them, like them, tell them.

Sounds like me and sort of worked for this girl I asked out.

Reply 10

Mannz

I don't think it's essential. I'd say it would come naturally, like after getting to know a girl, you might touch her arm or play with her hair, tease her etc.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 11

Zarek

It's much harder for guys - you have to have quite some repartee. Girls can just smile, touch their hair and laugh at the guys jokes.

Reply 12

HannLouisex

Don't think it's bad if you can't flirt. Sometimes if it's pick up lines it can be cheesy.

After a while with a girl, she'll start touching your arm or playing with your hair ect. So try and do the same? It comes after a while. You've got to learn, like anything else really! :smile:

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Reply 13

Fuenciado

From a girl's point of view I'd say flirting isn't necessarily essential, I'd be more into a guy that I actually talked to and got along with rather that one that made me like him by acting a certain way.
Although if you don't want to get stuck as a friend, you do have to try and show that you are interested in her in that kind of way. So if she's flirting with you, go along with it, if you retaliate to her flirts she may end up seeing it as you flirting with her without you even realizing your doing it.

Reply 14

Norse Brit

Original post by nicatre

Just talk and make conversation like a normal person.

That's an excellent way to make friends, if that's what you're saying.

Reply 15

Mankytoes

Original post by Anonymous

Your situation isn't unusual. Loads of guys struggle with girls, it took me ages to be able to chat them up properly. There's no reason why you can't learn to do it, but like most things, it takes practise to do well. It isn't about learning lines, it's about your whole action. The most important thing is to portray yourself as confident, not to let her control the conversation, try to make her laugh, maybe tease a little. You can't say those are impossible things for you to do.

Reply 16

addictedtotea

I don't think initial flirting is essential, but once you're in a relationship/have been on a couple of dates you need to be doing things that let her know you like her, which might include touching her, making jokes, being generally affectionate. I have a friend who is the most lovely guy in the universe, but has never held down a relationship because he feels awkward flirting, even after a few weeks of seeing someone, she gave up on him because she felt like he didn't like her. I feel for you if this is you too, it's such a difficult situation to be in, but I'm sure eventually the right girl will come along, and everything will be easy :smile:

Good luck!

Reply 17

thunder_chunky

It's essential if you're in a club or bar and your intended end game is to screw them. But otherwise it's not always essential

Reply 18

nicatre

Original post by Norse Brit

That's an excellent way to make friends, if that's what you're saying.

It's how my relationships formed. No games, not misdirection. Just honesty and directness.

Reply 19

Mankytoes

Original post by nicatre

It's how my relationships formed. No games, not misdirection. Just honesty and directness.

Flirting doesn't have to be game and misdirection or anything like that. It's primarily to show someone you find them attractive, and act in a way that will be attractive to them.

Just talking normally to people is unlikely to work if you're meeting them in a bar or a club or something. If you don't want someone to just be a friend, don't talk to them like a friend. Directness just isn't usually seen as normal behaviour, our society isn't like that. Just to go up to a girl and say, po faced, "hello. I think you're sexually attractive. If you think I'm sexually attractive, would you consider sexual activity with me?" will seem weird.