The Student Room Group

This guy has a girlfriend… what do I do

I went to this party the other day and there was a guy there and we were talking + getting along really well. We had a lot in common, did the same course but somehow never met and he spent the entire just being like ‘wish we’d met earlier’ etc.

I could also tell he was flirting a bit, like casually slipping into conversation that he thought I was beautiful etc. then goes onto other stuff and then was like ‘saying all this to impress you’. Now I’m not the best at telling when people are flirting but this felt a little more direct and he was quite drunk so probably was a bit more bold. He also would try and maintain physical contact, and basically kept his arms around my waist the whole night. He’s really cool and we really do have a lot in common so I had a really nice time just chatting.

My other friend who was also there calls me today to be like oh yeah he was quite cool, his girlfriend couldn’t make it and I was a bit shocked to hear this because he wasn’t just being nice, he was flirting quite directly sometimes. I think he’s been with this girl for maybe 2ish years now and is genuinely known throughout the year for being a nice guy so I was a bit confused as to why he was behaving like that. Anyway now I’m confused as to what I should do, like I don’t think he’s interested in me, I think he was just really drunk and just started flirting but it just doesn’t really sit well with me. Should I tell the girlfriend? His friend who was there with him didn’t look particularly happy with us basically talking the entire night and now I know it’s probably because of that. I just don’t really know what to do, it felt like harmless flirting, like I don’t see this going anywhere but I also feel really bad for the girl.
Reply 1
I have actually seen this guy around campus a lot so no doubt we’ll run into each again on campus/ at parties. I just feel really bad for flirting back, it’s so wrong.
At the end of the day, not your problem.
As long as you backed off, when you found out he had a girlfriend, then you haven't done anything wrong.

If I were you, I wouldn't tell his girlfriend... you don't know what their relationship dynamic is like... I knew one couple who were totally narcissistic so were allowed to openly flirt with other people (I think they did it to tease each other personally). Are they like that? Maybe, maybe not... but it comes down to your word against his. She'll probably think that you're trying to either s*** stir or split them up.

From the sounds of your post, it sounds like you did really like him (nothing wrong with that, you like who you like, you can't always help it). Be honest, is that the real reason you're feeling the way you do? Are you hoping that if she found out and finished it with him, and eventually you can pounce on him?
Reply 4
Original post by Old Skool Freak
As long as you backed off, when you found out he had a girlfriend, then you haven't done anything wrong.

If I were you, I wouldn't tell his girlfriend... you don't know what their relationship dynamic is like... I knew one couple who were totally narcissistic so were allowed to openly flirt with other people (I think they did it to tease each other personally). Are they like that? Maybe, maybe not... but it comes down to your word against his. She'll probably think that you're trying to either s*** stir or split them up.

From the sounds of your post, it sounds like you did really like him (nothing wrong with that, you like who you like, you can't always help it). Be honest, is that the real reason you're feeling the way you do? Are you hoping that if she found out and finished it with him, and eventually you can pounce on him?

Yeah fair, I don’t know what the relationship dynamic is like to be honest. They seem to be quite wholesome from what I’ve seen on social media but of course doesn’t reflect real life. He’s cool and all but like I don’t think I really want anything to happen, just a new interesting person I can be friends with. We’ve been in same social circle for years but somehow had never met before
You never know he might like you that much that he dumps his girlfriend for you
Reply 6
Original post by I am Christine
You never know he might like you that much that he dumps his girlfriend for you

From one night of talking, I very much doubt it. I think he was super drunk which doesn’t excuse it in the slightest, I’m not sure why I feel guilty considering I didn’t even know
What you do is back off and mind your own business. You don't have to make this a big drama thing. Get on with your life.

The moral thing to do is not to entertain this guy if he tries. And not contact him. You don't need to be " friends" as you said with someone who put his arms around you while having a girlfriend.
(edited 7 months ago)
Original post by I am Christine
You never know he might like you that much that he dumps his girlfriend for you

And he will do the same to her.
So don't boast.

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