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Is she losing interest or is it just who she is?

Hey all,

I've been dating this girl (long distance) now for about 3 months and we have both told each other we love each other. It's been quite an intense passionate rollercoaster with a fair amount of fear and anxiety due mainly to the distance between us. We generally see each other every 3-4 weeks.

My issue is that I cannot make peace with the fact that she texts very infrequently or it takes a long time for her to reply - sometimes she does not reply at all or it is very short and usually 2 words.

I've approached her a few times and tried to have a decent level-headed conversation about it but she really doesn't see going a day or 10-12 hours or whatever as an issue.

She generally calls me at night when she is free, has had dinner, or after she's been out and is not busy. For some reason I also perceive this as her putting me at the bottom of her priority list.

We do get on very well and laugh a lot, but there is also tension there due to these differences that are now springing up. It doesn't seem that I can, nor would I want to 'convince' her to make more contact - but it is something that really bothers me and I can't seem to shake off.

Do you think she is less interested in me than I am and is just saying all the right things to get me off her back, or do you think I am genuinely being too needy and insecure?

Thanks for reading, appreciate it.

Reply 1

Behindtheleakycaul

I think it's just the type of person she is, I'm kind of like her and don't really see the problem with not speaking everyday, I know another friend who doesn't text her boyfriend all day either. However, I have a friend that is always on their phone to their boyfriend and will drop everything for him. Since you have talked to her about it I guess she isn't up for trying to change :frown:

maybe speak to her again so she knows this really is a problem for you

Reply 2

heylucky

Original post by Behindtheleakycaul

maybe speak to her again so she knows this really is a problem for you

thank you for your reply, that's helpful to know. She did say to me that she feels it wouldn't matter whether she texted me 25 times a day and called me too, and that it is to do with me losing confidence for every hour she doesn't reply.

I'm just trying to figure out if it is just 'my' issue or if her not being willing to change is a bad sign for the relationship in general.

Thanks again :smile:

Reply 3

sophiedavies321

I think maybe this is just psychological. What you may perceive as being distant and off behaviour may just in fact be the case of her being busy or just not in the mood to have a thorough conversation. This is a bad way to view your relationship and it is thoughts like this that can lead to some serious psychological issues. However, not to sound too dramatic or anything i advise that the next time you see her you have a conversation about it and ask her upfront.

I hope everything works out ok!

Reply 4

heylucky

thank you Sophie :smile:

I have tried several times to talk this over with her but after I feel we reach a bit of a resolution - the feeling of being ignored or rejected just surfaces again, when she doesn't get in contact.

I wish I cared less actually to be honest, I know that sounds odd, but if I cared less, I would not be so affected by it.

Reply 5

heylucky

I talked to her today and said this was becoming an issue for me, but that I would really like to resolve it so we can move on and just enjoy being together. But she really feels that she can only contact me when it feels natural to do so. I suppose I have to accept this.