Aristocratic - should I be ashamed?

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You shouldn't be proud nor ashamed. You have no control of family's status or wealth, and there's certainly nothing wrong with being born into privilege. The most important thing is character; be humble, open-minded and empathetic, and most people will enjoy your company regardless of your background.

Of course, you'll always find some people who will hate you before they even know you (whether for being rich or poor), but they're hardly the type of people you'd want as friends.

Reply 21

corybantically

also - Privilege sucks, but if you have it, all you can do is acknowledge you do, which you have. There's no point trying to undo it - levelling the playing field means raising opportunities for disadvantaged people, not shaming/disadvantaging people who happen to have privilege. Stuff like the royals getting into Oxbridge and whatever because they're royals is totally unfair, but it doesn't mean that they should be ashamed of their background, rather aware of it and how it affects their lives and others'.

Reply 22

subjunctivehistorian

Original post by Gabriel96

I agree, it's not fair that I was born with certain advantages and others weren't but, thus, that's life in all its unfairness. I agree with you on the Prince Charles point but that doesn't still go on (granted until fairly recently) - he's of a different generation. Resenting someone based on their birth (and everything that goes with that) is wrong! How would it sound if I said: "that's why I resent people like you - people that are born into poor families"? And I don't stand for anything either, I just happened to have been born into a certain family and attended certain schools/potential universities. I think you seem like a really nice person but this is the stuff that forces me to be ashamed and secretive about my background.

Seriously, you shouldn't be ashamed. It's not your fault you were born into an aristocratic family but I just hate how some people want for nothing and others have so much hardship. Sorry for the socialist/communist rant but I really do think that money is indeed the root of all evil, it would be so much better if everyone just lived off their land and everything was equal and money didn't exist, it causes so many arguments and hierarchy. In an ideal world obviously... :wink:

But yeah, I didn't mean I resented YOU, I just resent that there's so much of a contrast between rich and poor and that gap just seems to be getting bigger and bigger. I think it's so wrong how people whose parents are rich can get into better schools, which allow them to have all those opportunities early on in life, making them more confident, with better grades, better teaching etc. That will just carry on through the generations and the inequality will just get bigger and bigger... I just think that seems unfair.

I don't want you to think I resent/hate you though. And you shouldn't be ashamed. Sorry if I offended you :colondollar:

Reply 23

Vian

Original post by ZeniB

it would be so much better if everyone just lived off their land and everything was equal and money didn't exist, it causes so many arguments and hierarchy. In an ideal world obviously... :wink:

Problem is, magical equal land wouldn't just fall into our lap; people would have to declare for it (which naturally would cause strife in and off of itself). Even if everyone initially agreed to who gets what land, some would (naturally) be more conductive to life and vegetation than others, so some families would still have more than others. Other families would then have to barter in order to get everything else they need and...you see where this is going, and we all end up relying on the concept of money in some way.

The problem is the very concept of ownership. If people didn't have the idea that they can claim items and resources for their own, then we'd have some semblance of equality. But if we've no concept of ownership, we run into further problems! :lol:

Reply 24

filthy_pup

Original post by Gabriel96

Should I be ashamed of being an aristocrat? It seems to me like people are always encouraged to be proud of their working-class roots but that people born into established families are, more often than not, made to feel ashamed. I'm not going to say which family or anything, but my siblings and I have the title of Lord

Courtesty title? Your father is a duke?

I would never dare use it or try to make it public knowledge for fear of being judged for it. Is there an unfair case of reverse snobbery?

Personally, I believe there is. I'm not from a titled family myself, but I am from a mix of landed and industrial money, I've found that the families of friends of mine from aristocratic backgrounds are some of the loveliest and most down to earth people I've met. They're really tremendously generous in spirit, friendly and hospitable. I can't fault them.

This is in marked distinction to my experience with the working and underclass people of this country.

a guy on my team found out and suddenly I was deemed a "posh tw**". I dated someone about a year ago and when they found out they conveniently didn't want to be together anymore.

I'm sorry to hear that :frown:

That's very judgmental of them and totally unfair. I think you'll find, in life, that for most people, it might be a bit of a novelty at first to find out you are a member of the senior ranks of the aristocracy, but generally you will be able to sort the wheat from the chaff.

And in many cases, it is far easier to socialise with people from a similar background. You won't be judged, they understand what it's like and where you are coming from

St Andrews won't be a problem at all, you'll meet plenty of guys like yourself there

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 25

superdarklord

Original post by Gabriel96

I didn't say I can't afford stuff at all, I just made a remark about how we're not that type of aristocratic family with loads of money that the other person was thinking in assuming I had lots of wealth in the family. We're obviously not poor, just nowhere near the wealth of what people assume aristocratic families have. The thing about heating the house is a joke (because that's the imagine a lot of people have about "poorer" families who have lost all there money). Going to public school is a tradition away which would be a big priority within the family.

You go to a private school yet don't know the different between "there" and "their"? :facepalm:

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Reply 26

ldsbabe

Original post by Gabriel96

So I come from an aristocratic family, attended a good public school and hopefully off to St Andrews or Newcastle Universities in September. Should I be ashamed of being an aristocrat? It seems to me like people are always encouraged to be proud of their working-class roots but that people born into established families are, more often than not, made to feel ashamed. I'm not going to say which family or anything, but my siblings and I have the title of Lord - I would never dare use it or try to make it public knowledge for fear of being judged for it. Is there an unfair case of reverse snobbery? In school there wasn't really a problem, but I play rugby and a guy on my team found out and suddenly I was deemed a "posh tw**". I dated someone about a year ago and when they found out they conveniently didn't want to be together anymore. I suspect that at St Andrews or Newcastle (no idea if I've got the grades for my firm), I'll encounter similar problems if people know. This would never happen if I was from the other extreme of the class scale. Is this fair?

I think thats amazing and so interesting!! Be proud of where you're form! Whether it's a council estate or aristocracy…none of us choose to be born into the circumstances that we are. You were just extremely fortunate. Make the most of it, and good luck with university love!

Reply 27

thetrickyfox

To quote Mewtwo: "I see now that the circumstances of one's birth are irrelevant; it is what you do with the gift of life that determines who you are."

People worth knowing won't judge you on the circumstances of your birth and you shouldn't feel ashamed of them, whatever they may be.

Reply 28

filthy_pup

Original post by Gabriel96

Going to public school is a tradition away which would be a big priority within the family.

Original post by ZeniB

I just don't really get how you're saying you can't afford stuff and at the same time you went to a private school probably costing more than £5000 per term? It doesn't make sense, surely heating a house is far more important? :confused:

Zeni, to be honest you clearly don't "get" it.

Going to a public school is extremely important to someone from a refined family. Not going to such a school is almost accepting "defeat", that you have declined in the importance or wealth of your family. And do you know how much it costs to send a boy to Eton or Winchester? You have to put aside hundreds of thousands of pounds to send two boys to public school.

And I'm certain Gabriel's comment about heating the house was something of a comic remark, though not entirely. Do you know how much it costs to heat a 50-room house?

All in all, your judgmental, sneering attitude does you no credit Zeni. It merely confirms a guy like Gabriel has little to learn from you

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 29

filthy_pup

Original post by thetrickyfox

People worth knowing won't judge you on the circumstances of your birth and you shouldn't feel ashamed of them, whatever they may be.

People worth knowing won't judge you, obviously. I think the slightly more difficult issue is that they treat it, and you, and your family background, like something of a novelty, and they jump on Facebook and post a status update saying, "My new friend is the son of a Duke, and he's totally hot" and they start getting Downton Abbey fantasies

Reply 30

Gabriel96

Original post by superdarklord

You go to a private school yet don't know the different between "there" and "their"? :facepalm:

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There's a difference between knowing and making a mistake by typing too fast. I'm perfectly aware of the type of grammatical correctness you learn as a child despite my private education. :colonhash:

Reply 31

Gabriel96

Original post by ldsbabe

If only everyone had your attitude, thank you!

Reply 32

superdarklord

Original post by Gabriel96

There's a difference between knowing and making a mistake by typing too fast. I'm perfectly aware of the type of grammatical correctness you learn as a child despite my private education. :colonhash:

Apologies. My time on tsr has just opened my eyes to the amount of people completely unaware as to the difference between your/you're and so on, it gets quite shocking.
:unimpressed:

Edit: to keep this on track: no, you shouldn't be ashamed of who you are that's ridiculous. Diversity in cultural and social backgrounds is what makes the world interesting!
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(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 33

filthy_pup

Original post by Gabriel96

There's a difference between knowing and making a mistake by typing too fast. I'm perfectly aware of the type of grammatical correctness you learn as a child despite my private education. :colonhash:

I wholly agree. That kind of irrelevant nitpicking merely makes the nitpicker, not pickee, look bad.

Reply 34

superdarklord

Original post by filthy_pup

I wholly agree. That kind of irrelevant nitpicking merely makes the nitpicker, not pickee, look bad.

Like I said, it's not exactly irrelevant when you encounter the majority of people making these mistakes everyday, it's just rather embarrassing. However clearly this situation is different as OP wasn't being ignorant, it was a typo. Thanks.

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Reply 35

Gabriel96

Original post by filthy_pup

I wholly agree. That kind of irrelevant nitpicking merely makes the nitpicker, not pickee, look bad.

Did you get my message? :smile:

Reply 36

filthy_pup

Original post by Gabriel96

Did you get my message? :smile:

I did

Just responded a minute or so ago dude

Reply 37

✈ ✈ ✈ ✈ ✈ ✈ ✈

Original post by Gabriel96

Did you get my message? :smile:

It depends as to whether you want to make yourself known as a member of aristocracy. It's probably best not to mention anything unless specifically asked, so you don't come across as arrogant, however it's nothing to be ashamed of.

Whether or not you are known for your own merits will ultimately not be your decision, however you can definitely choose which path you take.

Reply 38

MiddleUnderclass

You should just take advantage of the situation and avoid all estate chavs/working class people. Dont try and pander to the latter group because they are utterly vile, but the general public of course dont give a flying **** if one of those scum like Jordan, Rooney or whatnot earn a six figure salary because in their eyes its ok to have a lotta money if your dad is a builder or a black. You also have to remember that you are genetically superior to the lower orders and that class is simply natural selection in much the same way as having a talent or a physical advantage; allow the hierarchy to continue to thrive.