The romance period is over. There was a time when I thought about the gym and thought, "BRING IT ON!" Now I think of it and think, "URRRUGGHUUHHHUU." I want a hot bod but I don't want to work for it. "Just give it to me nowwww," I intone, laying in the squalor of weak character.
My terrible attitude meant for the first time ever I missed a weekday's training this week. I had my driving theory test, in which I had to answer ridiculous questions about whether diesel was slippery, followed by clicking a mouse button every time I saw a pedestrian. Now when I'm hitting the open roads and a pedestrian walks out in front of me, I'll think, "CLICK!" and wonder why 5 years later I'm still writing letters to the DSA blaming them for my vehicular manslaughter.
I got home later than I should have done due to walking around Bristol looking at all the different products I wouldn't let me buy. This included finding all the volumes for the manga I'm currently reading (Vagabond, it's about a bad ass samurai determined to be the best - great for getting pumped before gym) for sale at Waterstones' extortionate prices.
When I did get home I didn't feel like walking 2 miles to the gym, so I sat my sorry ass down and finished watching Deadwood whilst swearing and drinking whisky. It was a good evening and I only mildly regret doing so.
But I'm back at work now and it's time to get back on the horse. Even if the gym has become more mundane, I'll go! I will win!
Chapter XX: The return
Workout A
Squats 5x5 65kg Increase of 2.5kg
Bench press 5x5 40kg Increase of 3 reps
Bent over row 5x5 45kg Increase of 2.5kg and 2 reps
Barbell shrugs 3x8 55kg Increase of 2.5kg and 2 reps
Tricep extensions 3x10 35kg Increase of 1 rep per set
Straight bar 3x10 22.5kg Increase of 1 rep per set
Cable crunches 3x15 65kg Increase of 1 rep per set
Look at that. Look at it. I've never not gone to the gym for a whole week before, but damn!
Started with squats. It felt heavy again now. My squats have changed from quick, uncoordinated lumps of crap, to slow, calculated manoevres of power. I concentrate on my form. It means I go down slow, and strain with all my might to push back up. No bounce. No stupid back curling. Magnificent.
Bench press. I kept it at 40kg since last time I fell 3 reps short. This time I managed them all. I didn't rush either. Not having to do a roll of shame was liberating. I blew the smoke from my pistol fingers in the direction of a bro and moved on to the next exercise.
Bent over row. Increased back up to 45. I remember previously it immediately felt too heavy. Not this time - if anything it felt too light. I did my first set without a problem. Second and third sets likewise. The fourth set was challenging, then the fifth set I put in all I could muster - which included 2 extra reps at the end.
Barbell shrugs. I increased these to 55kg. Again, I remembered before how I had complained that my grip was too weak. Not anymore. With forearms of iron I gripped that bar, then held it soft and steady as I shrugged my shoulders. A lot of people go gung-ho into the gym and grip too tightly. In reality you must caress the bar. Win its respect. When I do a bench press, it's like I'm bench pressing a baby. Moisturise - make the bar feel as warm and safe as if it were being held by velvet gloves. I shrugged hard and managed not only 55kg at 5x5, but again another 2 reps at the end.
Straight bar. My nemesis. I didn't want to abandon the bar so I did this exercise next. Increasing to 3x10 I pumped that iron, causing microcellular damage to my biceps on a scale I've never seen before - and still haven't due to my on-going lack of a microscope. But what's important is that I pushed myself to the max. We must work hard while we can. Even bros only live once. "BROLO!" I declared and the gym went silent, presumably everyone having been propelled into thoughtful contemplation.
Tricep extensions. I increased these to 3x10 and set to work. I went all out. My spindly arms quivered at the final 4 reps. It was hard going, but within me is a storage locker of power, and I am only recently learning how to tap into it. One technique I have discovered is to pretend I'm in a crisis and the lives of several cute forest creatures depend on me. Owls, squirrels, woodpeckers. Seeing their faces, I had the strength to master my sets.
Cable crunches. Increased to 3x15. Still considering alternative core exercises to bring my rep number back down. Managed all 45 reps. My belly was proud.
Next workout on Sunday. Assuming I go.