Help me stop resenting him :(

So basically...I fell for my best friend and the feelings were slowly eating away at me and making me feel unwell so I told him. He let me down in the gentlest way possible and really helped me when I (unfortunately) cried over it.

I adore him but I've developed feelings of resentment towards him recently and that's really upsetting because he means so much to me. It's really stressing me out and I don't want this friendship to go cold at all! I really don't know what to do...He means a lot to me (even though I don't currently feel it) and it would be really sad to lose him as a friend because of these feelings...

The resentment is aimed mainly at him because of the pain he caused me but I guess it's quite directed at the closer friendship he has with another girl (non-romantic but it really hurts that he'll never be as close to me as he is to her).

How do I wipe out these horrible feelings once and for all and just go back to enjoying our friendship and being happy? I hate waking up every day feeling like this :frown:

Reply 1

rachaelftw

17

You have to come to terms with the idea that he doesn't feel for you in any way, other than as a friend. You sound like you have a really good friendship and a close relationship, so focus on that. Think of how much he means to you and how you do not want to lose him.

However, you cannot carry on resenting him just because he hurt you. He has feelings too, and probably feels quite bad for letting you down, too. You also cannot dislike him just because he is friends with other people. Just because you can't be together, does that mean he can't go and be with someone else?

You have to stop and think about his happiness, as well as yours. Maybe have a little you time, focus on you. Go out with friends, maybe even invite him, have good times, make memories, be open to everything. you may even find someone else to take a romantic interest in? :smile:

JEL

Original post by Anonymous

So basically...I fell for my best friend and the feelings were slowly eating away at me and making me feel unwell so I told him. He let me down in the gentlest way possible and really helped me when I (unfortunately) cried over it.

I adore him but I've developed feelings of resentment towards him recently and that's really upsetting because he means so much to me. It's really stressing me out and I don't want this friendship to go cold at all! I really don't know what to do...He means a lot to me (even though I don't currently feel it) and it would be really sad to lose him as a friend because of these feelings...

The resentment is aimed mainly at him because of the pain he caused me but I guess it's quite directed at the closer friendship he has with another girl (non-romantic but it really hurts that he'll never be as close to me as he is to her).

How do I wipe out these horrible feelings once and for all and just go back to enjoying our friendship and being happy? I hate waking up every day feeling like this :frown:

You just need time to recover from what happened. The friendship will be difficult to manage if you feel like you want more, so I'd suggest just spending a bit of time apart to let your feelings quieten down and go away. Maybe then the resentment will also go away, and if he's not being romantic with the other girl then there's no reason for you to not be.

You're right in saying that it would be really sad to lose them as a friend - been there, done that, hated it. But it's always an option if you find that your feelings keep resurfacing and being around them doesn't help.

Help me stop resenting him :(

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