Am I asking for too much time from my bf ?

My bf and I are both 26 and we are living together for 6 months now. The issue is all is been doing since we moved in, that’s clichés, is videogaming and chatting with his friends. Like that’s all. I’m not demonising videogaming (i myself enjoy videogames) and I don’t blame him for having that as a hobby, it’s good for me that he has his own time. The thing is I feel like I’m second to his PlayStation and his friends. It’s like, his life is really all about his PlayStation and then he remembers times to times he has a gf.
At the beggining I had a conversation about this with him. I told him about those issues. He said it was and “habit” and that he’ll try to change then he took us tickets for a show so we can have a nice time together.
Months passed and it hasn’t change that much.
The only thing that changed is that now he suggests time to time that we watch a tv show or a movie together
So our daily life is like :
5/7 when he’s not at work he basically spending all his day and most of the night on his PlayStation, talking to his friends. He only leaves them to take lunch and dinner with me and go back to them when we finish eating. Then 1or2 day on 7 he leaves his PlayStation for dinner and he suggests we watch a tv show or a movie, then we talk 30/40minutes until he tells me “well now I’m going to play a bit” like if the interest he has for me is limited and he can’t way to go back to his friends. it’s like midnight and he stops playing at like 4/5am
We barely have dates outside. The only date we had in those 6 month was to the show he brought us to after I told him I felt neglected by him . Also we went out for our respective birthdays and our anniversary.

And when I’m the one who wants to invite him somewhere he’s barely interested and always have an excuse to not want to go
Actually when I suggested anything he’s like not interested

I have my own hobbies, my friends so I know how to occupy myself like my life doesn’t resolve around him but still I miss him…

Am I actually asking for too much ? It is normal for a couple that lives together to spend that amount of times ? Would I be too needy to ask for more ? Am I too dependent ?

That’s really not what I expected when we decided to move in. I feel really alone and I’m starting to be emotionally less attracted to him
It’s like I’m his roommate and he’s dating with his gamer friends.

Why did he want to make his life with me seriously ?

I am desperate and thinking about leaving him…

Reply 1

jelllyfiiish

Life & Style Forum Helper

Original post by Anonymous #1

My bf and I are both 26 and we are living together for 6 months now. The issue is all is been doing since we moved in, that’s clichés, is videogaming and chatting with his friends. Like that’s all. I’m not demonising videogaming (i myself enjoy videogames) and I don’t blame him for having that as a hobby, it’s good for me that he has his own time. The thing is I feel like I’m second to his PlayStation and his friends. It’s like, his life is really all about his PlayStation and then he remembers times to times he has a gf.
At the beggining I had a conversation about this with him. I told him about those issues. He said it was and “habit” and that he’ll try to change then he took us tickets for a show so we can have a nice time together.
Months passed and it hasn’t change that much.
The only thing that changed is that now he suggests time to time that we watch a tv show or a movie together
So our daily life is like :
5/7 when he’s not at work he basically spending all his day and most of the night on his PlayStation, talking to his friends. He only leaves them to take lunch and dinner with me and go back to them when we finish eating. Then 1or2 day on 7 he leaves his PlayStation for dinner and he suggests we watch a tv show or a movie, then we talk 30/40minutes until he tells me “well now I’m going to play a bit” like if the interest he has for me is limited and he can’t way to go back to his friends. it’s like midnight and he stops playing at like 4/5am
We barely have dates outside. The only date we had in those 6 month was to the show he brought us to after I told him I felt neglected by him . Also we went out for our respective birthdays and our anniversary.
And when I’m the one who wants to invite him somewhere he’s barely interested and always have an excuse to not want to go
Actually when I suggested anything he’s like not interested
I have my own hobbies, my friends so I know how to occupy myself like my life doesn’t resolve around him but still I miss him…
Am I actually asking for too much ? It is normal for a couple that lives together to spend that amount of times ? Would I be too needy to ask for more ? Am I too dependent ?
That’s really not what I expected when we decided to move in. I feel really alone and I’m starting to be emotionally less attracted to him
It’s like I’m his roommate and he’s dating with his gamer friends.
Why did he want to make his life with me seriously ?
I am desperate and thinking about leaving him…

I think you have to make it really clear that you feel this way because it seems like he's just ignoring all your silent pleas. And no! You are definitely not asking for too much! You're getting the bare minimum on how much he should be treating you. (Yet this depends on what your and his ideals on "couple time" would be)

I wish you all the best and good luck with anything that may occur in the future! :smile:

Reply 2

Crazy Jamie

Careers Forum Helper

No, you're not being unreasonable at all. It is always a process to learn how to live together, and there can be a lot of immaturity in that situation even at the age of 26. But the balance is all wrong here, and it sounds to me like you feel like you're his roommate because that's exactly how he is treating you. He is either consciously not prioritising the relationship, or simply doesn't understand your (quite reasonable and normal) needs. Either way, he's acting more like a child than an adult. I agree with the poster above. You need to make it very clear to him that this is making you unhappy, and that things need to change. And that, in reality, that must mean him spending less time gaming. It doesn't mean he can't have a hobby. But it sounds like he's basically spending as much time on it now as if it were a part (or full) time job, and that is too much if he also wants to be in a relationship with you. If he doesn't respond positively to that, I think you should leave him.

Ultimately your needs aren't being met and you need to be with someone who can meet those needs. And think of it this way. You're at the early stages of living together. What happens when you both get busier with work? When you get married? Have kids? Due to work and child commitments my wife and I generally have a window of about two hours in the evening when we can relax, and it's often less than that. In that time we have to decide whether to spend time together, to do things individually, or (more often than we'd like) to tick some chores off the to do list, tidy the house etc. I spent quite a lot of time playing computer games in the past, but spending more than about two hours a week gaming is unusual now. It's obviously not like that for everyone, but when your commitments increase, and especially if you have children, do you think he can reach a point where he can prioritise you and them over his gaming? Because if he doesn't, your life will be onerous and miserable, and you will utterly resent him. You must have a partner who can properly support you can meet your needs, whether you want to have children or not. It very much sounds like he can't at the moment, and unless that changes, I think breaking up with him is positively the right thing to do. Simply put, you deserve better.

Reply 3

1582

Volunteer Team

It is easy to take your partner for granted when you live together. Schedule designated date nights that you spend together that don't involve a screen. Aim to do this at least once a fortnight (weekly if you're both keen, but that could feel more like a chore).

This could be going out and doing something together or it can be an activity in the house. Things my partner and I do for at-home date nights include baking together, doing a jigsaw puzzle, playing a board game, etc.

(edited 1 month ago)

Reply 4

H8Courtship217

i assume your BF was the one who asked you out

Reply 5

Surnia

It's not just about dates and enjoyable activities together. Who is doing the shopping, the cooking, the laundry, the cleaning? Who puts the bins out?