This is going to be a long one because it's a complicated situation.
My elder brother emotionally and physically abused me as a child. This went on for years with no one doing anything about it, he even hit my mum once. Whilst the abuse was going on, I dropped out of school at 13/14, had no prospects and couldn't even get a job. I attempted suicide 4 times between the ages of 13 and 19.
When he was 16 (I was 14) he moved out of the family home and we stopped talking. This was such a relief for me and I gradually started to piece my life back together after years of bullying. I did counselling and CBT for 2 years and eventually I realised that I didn't deserve what happened to me and I re-gained all the confidence that I had lost.
I am finally 'back on track' with my life, I started university September 2015 and felt happy and fulfilled for the first time in my life. Then in December, my brother moved back into my mum's house. This has turned my world upside down and I can feel myself gradually sliding back into depression and feeling like I deserve what happened to me.
I went back to my mum's house for Christmas but I couldn't stand being around my brother. My mum begged me to make an effort with him and because I love her so much I tried, but being at home was hell. He didn't abuse me again but I was constantly nervous/afraid and it brought a lot of feelings back.
I left my mum's and went back to university early, over Summer I'm staying with my boyfriend who is an angel and could not be more supportive of me during this difficult time.
The issue now is that I'm being villianised by my family for being rude and mean to my brother by not wanting to have a relationship with him. I have tried to speak about what happened to me (which was incredibly difficult) so that they would understand and stop pushing me to meet up with him, but that hasn't worked.
My head is a mess, I cry almost every day and it affected my university performance through the second half of last year. Obviously, with going back to uni in September I want to be focused and ready to work, but this situation at the moment is all I can think about.