Was it rape or just being drunk?
So a few days ago I got very drunk at a club and literally can't remember what happened... Then I remember being at this guys house I said I didn't want to have sex but we ended up having sex.. All my memories are quite vague but I remember saying it hurt and I didn't want to anymore but him carrying on (he was a rugby boy so quite big...) Then I went to the loo (crying) and he followed me.. After he forced me onto the bed and grabbed my neck and told me I had to take it.. I remember crying because he hurt me...
I know I should be more careful with who I go back with but is this rape?
I know I should be more careful with who I go back with but is this rape?
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Original post by unprinted
If it had happened to me, I would very definitely say I'd been raped.
Who else have you told about this and what support are you getting?
Who else have you told about this and what support are you getting?
Like a couple of my friends but because I went back with him and he was really drunk I feel really like embarrassed and like it was my fault...
Yes, you have been raped.
You should report him to the police to make sure he never does that to another woman again. I'm really sorry this happened to you.
You should report him to the police to make sure he never does that to another woman again. I'm really sorry this happened to you.
No way does it sound like you gave informed consent. Even if you hadn't said no, being drunk means you weren't capable of consenting so it'd be rape from the outset. Even if you hadn't been drunk, part way through you said you didn't want it any more. At that point he should have stopped. So it's definitely rape, no doubt about it.
The fact that you weredrunk in the first place means you were raped; you CANNOT give consent if you are drunk!! I hope you are okay and get justice for this horrific crime and receive plenty of support!
Original post by Mark19
No way does it sound like you gave informed consent. Even if you hadn't said no, being drunk means you weren't capable of consenting so it'd be rape from the outset. Even if you hadn't been drunk, part way through you said you didn't want it any more. At that point he should have stopped. So it's definitely rape, no doubt about it.
Um, drunk people can have consensual sex unless you mean every time a girl/guy goes out and has a ONS after hitting the alcohol has the right to scream rape?
But to the OP, yes that is definitely rape and you need to get some professional support.
also wanted to add that telling you that you should take it means he knows he is raping you.
You can call rape crisis for support and advice of what to do next and they can point you in the directions of some therapy. Its not your fault for walking home with someone. Even if you werent too drunk to make informed choices, going back to someone's house is NOT consent to sex. End of. Consent is ongoing and when you dont consent any more, then it should stop.
You can call rape crisis for support and advice of what to do next and they can point you in the directions of some therapy. Its not your fault for walking home with someone. Even if you werent too drunk to make informed choices, going back to someone's house is NOT consent to sex. End of. Consent is ongoing and when you dont consent any more, then it should stop.
Original post by Anonymous
So a few days ago I got very drunk at a club and literally can't remember what happened... Then I remember being at this guys house I said I didn't want to have sex but we ended up having sex.. All my memories are quite vague but I remember saying it hurt and I didn't want to anymore but him carrying on (he was a rugby boy so quite big...) Then I went to the loo (crying) and he followed me.. After he forced me onto the bed and grabbed my neck and told me I had to take it.. I remember crying because he hurt me...
I know I should be more careful with who I go back with but is this rape?
I know I should be more careful with who I go back with but is this rape?
yes. even if you were telling him you wanted to have sex, it would atil have been rape due to your intoxication and inability to provide adequate consent.
id suggest finding a lawyer, a health group, checking for std, and if need be a counselor.
there might be groups dedicated to these events that may help as well.
personally, this experience emphasizes on a strick no alc. or drug policy to maintain your awareness
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Original post by Anonymous
So a few days ago I got very drunk at a club and literally can't remember what happened... Then I remember being at this guys house I said I didn't want to have sex but we ended up having sex.. All my memories are quite vague but I remember saying it hurt and I didn't want to anymore but him carrying on (he was a rugby boy so quite big...) Then I went to the loo (crying) and he followed me.. After he forced me onto the bed and grabbed my neck and told me I had to take it.. I remember crying because he hurt me...
I know I should be more careful with who I go back with but is this rape?
I know I should be more careful with who I go back with but is this rape?
If you really told him no, then it was rape. HOWEVER a lot of girls lie about this (they give consent then regret it later on so they falsely accuse of rape) Imagine if it was the guy who was drunk and you were sober would that make you a sex criminal.
Original post by jane matthews
If you really told him no, then it was rape. HOWEVER a lot of girls lie about this (they give consent then regret it later on so they falsely accuse of rape) Imagine if it was the guy who was drunk and you were sober would that make you a sex criminal.
please dont change this around. incoherence to a given event allows individuals out of contracts both written and verbal.
a person too drunk to understand a written accord makes that literature void. a person saying yes to an act while impared makes that consent void as well. that plays a part in why children can not sign contracts with out legal acceptions.
sex is a contract. two parties agreeing to an act. of one party is intoxicated, even agreeing to sex can still lead to a situation in which rape is the end result
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Thank you, I'm now getting some support and have accepted it was rape. Although I won't be reporting him to the police as I don't want to ruin someones life as he was drunk and probably wouldn't have done that sober.
Original post by jane matthews
If you really told him no, then it was rape. HOWEVER a lot of girls lie about this (they give consent then regret it later on so they falsely accuse of rape) Imagine if it was the guy who was drunk and you were sober would that make you a sex criminal.
Thank you for reinforcing the world where rape culture is acceptable. It was rape and it has taken me nearly a month to admit and accept that it wasnt my fault. I said no and he forced me to carry on, despite me crying. Someone grabbing your neck and forcing you down is rape. I'm now getting support, I hope this never happens to you and if it does people don't question you <3
Original post by Anonymous
Thank you, I'm now getting some support and have accepted it was rape. Although I won't be reporting him to the police as I don't want to ruin someones life as he was drunk and probably wouldn't have done that sober.
Original post by Anonymous
Um, drunk people can have consensual sex unless you mean every time a girl/guy goes out and has a ONS after hitting the alcohol has the right
If penetration takes place without the girl/woman giving consent. In order to do that, she has to have capacity. She lacks capacity if drunk, drugged, mentally unstable or immature or in any other way incapable of understanding and fully agreeing to the act.
So yes, if a girl gets drunk, the man she's with should not have sex with her, because the law says she lacks the capacity to consent to it.
Original post by Anonymous
Thank you, I'm now getting some support and have accepted it was rape. Although I won't be reporting him to the police as I don't want to ruin someones life as he was drunk and probably wouldn't have done that sober.
I'm glad you're getting support.
It's unlikely to be the first time he's done this, and even an anonymous report may help someone else.
Original post by Anonymous
Thank you for reinforcing the world where rape culture is acceptable. It was rape and it has taken me nearly a month to admit and accept that it wasnt my fault. I said no and he forced me to carry on, despite me crying. Someone grabbing your neck and forcing you down is rape. I'm now getting support, I hope this never happens to you and if it does people don't question you <3
Idiotic statement, I clearly said if you really said no then it IS rape. Which is clearly illegal and not acceptable. HOWEVER just because you accuse someone of doing this doesn't mean this is true or that he should automatically be considered guilty. The guy may have a different version of the story
But on an equally rude note- Thank you for reinforcing the idea that when a woman accuses a man of doing something we should automatically believe the accuser and not give innocent people their fair chance.
As for "Rape Culture" if the man was drunk and the woman is sober why is the woman not considered a criminal- you clearly don't believe in equality
Original post by Mark19
If penetration takes place without the girl/woman giving consent. In order to do that, she has to have capacity. She lacks capacity if drunk, drugged, mentally unstable or immature or in any other way incapable of understanding and fully agreeing to the act.
So yes, if a girl gets drunk, the man she's with should not have sex with her, because the law says she lacks the capacity to consent to it.
So yes, if a girl gets drunk, the man she's with should not have sex with her, because the law says she lacks the capacity to consent to it.
OK and if the man is drunk and lacks capacity and the woman has sex with him then she should also be sentenced
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