Boyfriend cheated while blackout drunk

Original post by Anonymous

Hi all, was hoping to hear a few people’s opinions on my situation although I know I will ultimately need to make a decision about this myself.

Recently my boyfriend confessed to kissing another girl while he was out at a club.

He was extremely drunk and does not remember much at all, all he can remember is realising he kissed this random girl, pushing her off him and walking out.

He had told me straight away but genuinely can not remember the details which has been distressing- he is unsure if he kissed her, or she kissed him. He doesn’t remember anything leading up to the situation.

He was with a few friends and no one saw anything happen.

He has never got this drunk before in our relationship and has been genuinely apologetic. The most frustrating part is his lack of memory- as I feel if I knew she initiated the kiss then it would make me feel a lot better. But sadly I don’t think I will ever know.

Just needed to vent about this, please give me your thoughts!

He remembers, he is deceiving you.

He does not truly value loyalty, he is almost certainly deceiving you and therefore does not value honour. Even if he was just drunk, he allowed himself to be so and therefore demonstrated poor judgement and pitiful weakness.

He is a poor emotional investment that will likely never produce and an inferior choice of mate compared to many men, write him off.

To put it another way, if a girlfriend had stated this, I would have dumped her without much hesitation.

Reply 2

Original post by Anonymous

Hi all, was hoping to hear a few people’s opinions on my situation although I know I will ultimately need to make a decision about this myself.

Recently my boyfriend confessed to kissing another girl while he was out at a club.

He was extremely drunk and does not remember much at all, all he can remember is realising he kissed this random girl, pushing her off him and walking out.

He had told me straight away but genuinely can not remember the details which has been distressing- he is unsure if he kissed her, or she kissed him. He doesn’t remember anything leading up to the situation.

He was with a few friends and no one saw anything happen.

He has never got this drunk before in our relationship and has been genuinely apologetic. The most frustrating part is his lack of memory- as I feel if I knew she initiated the kiss then it would make me feel a lot better. But sadly I don’t think I will ever know.

Just needed to vent about this, please give me your thoughts!

Hi OP sorry about what happened although do you think the lack of memory could be to cover up his bs and that either if the girl initiated a kiss or he did either ways a kiss occurred and he cheated on you

Reply 3

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous

Hi all, was hoping to hear a few people’s opinions on my situation although I know I will ultimately need to make a decision about this myself.

Recently my boyfriend confessed to kissing another girl while he was out at a club.

He was extremely drunk and does not remember much at all, all he can remember is realising he kissed this random girl, pushing her off him and walking out.

He had told me straight away but genuinely can not remember the details which has been distressing- he is unsure if he kissed her, or she kissed him. He doesn’t remember anything leading up to the situation.

He was with a few friends and no one saw anything happen.

He has never got this drunk before in our relationship and has been genuinely apologetic. The most frustrating part is his lack of memory- as I feel if I knew she initiated the kiss then it would make me feel a lot better. But sadly I don’t think I will ever know.

Just needed to vent about this, please give me your thoughts!

give him a pass, if you think that he did remember that he initiated (not that it really matters when you are extremely drunk) why would he even bother telling you that he kissed in the first place. he apologised, move on, just tell him to not get that drunk again.

Reply 4

Original post by Anonymous

give him a pass, if you think that he did remember that he initiated (not that it really matters when you are extremely drunk) why would he even bother telling you that he kissed in the first place. he apologised, move on, just tell him to not get that drunk again.

How do you think the OP feels don’t you think her relationship maybe jeopardised considering that trust maybe an issue between both of them now?

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Rakas21

He remembers, he is deceiving you.

He does not truly value loyalty, he is almost certainly deceiving you and therefore does not value honour. Even if he was just drunk, he allowed himself to be so and therefore demonstrated poor judgement and pitiful weakness.

He is a poor emotional investment that will likely never produce and an inferior choice of mate compared to many men, write him off.

To put it another way, if a girlfriend had stated this, I would have dumped her without much hesitation.

Thank you for your opinion. I really do not think he is deceiving me, I know this may sound naive but I think he truly does not remember. I know this is not an excuse but it is definitely something I need to consider.

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Mohammed_80

How do you think the OP feels don’t you think her relationship maybe jeopardised considering that trust maybe an issue between both of them now?

Trust is something I am worried about. However, I do feel as though I am leaning towards forgiving him if I am honest. I have already brought up couples counselling as well.

Reply 7

Rakas21

Original post by Anonymous

Thank you for your opinion. I really do not think he is deceiving me, I know this may sound naive but I think he truly does not remember. I know this is not an excuse but it is definitely something I need to consider.

It's not something you need to consider.

The decision to drink alcohol is a choice. If you believe that he genuinely allowed himself to become so inebriated that he was not in control of his actions then he demonstrated a lack of judgement, a lack of control, naivety and stupidity. Generally, weakness.

If you validate that behaviour, he will only repeat it.

Reply 8

JDINCINERATOR

Original post by Anonymous

Hi all, was hoping to hear a few people’s opinions on my situation although I know I will ultimately need to make a decision about this myself.

Recently my boyfriend confessed to kissing another girl while he was out at a club.

He was extremely drunk and does not remember much at all, all he can remember is realising he kissed this random girl, pushing her off him and walking out.

He had told me straight away but genuinely can not remember the details which has been distressing- he is unsure if he kissed her, or she kissed him. He doesn’t remember anything leading up to the situation.

He was with a few friends and no one saw anything happen.

He has never got this drunk before in our relationship and has been genuinely apologetic. The most frustrating part is his lack of memory- as I feel if I knew she initiated the kiss then it would make me feel a lot better. But sadly I don’t think I will ever know.

Just needed to vent about this, please give me your thoughts!

I wouldn't make a huge deal out of it personally, but I would tell him not to drink when he's out in pubs/clubs without you. Throwing a relationship away due to these circumstances shouldn't be a factor. It should be about you boyfriend's personality, how he treats you and the value he brings to you in the relationship. If he's a genuine and kind person, then he should be forgiven and absolved I think, but firmly tell him to be careful with the alcohol if he's going out without you.

Reply 9

JDINCINERATOR

Original post by Rakas21

He remembers, he is deceiving you.

He does not truly value loyalty, he is almost certainly deceiving you and therefore does not value honour. Even if he was just drunk, he allowed himself to be so and therefore demonstrated poor judgement and pitiful weakness.

He is a poor emotional investment that will likely never produce and an inferior choice of mate compared to many men, write him off.

To put it another way, if a girlfriend had stated this, I would have dumped her without much hesitation.

You're right about getting drunk was his choice, but you missed the part where he was genuine and told the truth-and that's some good character right there. It's admittedly quite soulless how you come across, people make mistakes like this a lot, and yeah it isn't something to be pleased about, but throwing away a relationship on one drunk kiss with another woman is very harsh without factoring in everything else a relationship is meant to be about.

Reply 10

Original post by Anonymous

Trust is something I am worried about. However, I do feel as though I am leaning towards forgiving him if I am honest. I have already brought up couples counselling as well.

Okay if you say so

Reply 11

Wired_1800

Original post by Anonymous

Hi all, was hoping to hear a few people’s opinions on my situation although I know I will ultimately need to make a decision about this myself.

Recently my boyfriend confessed to kissing another girl while he was out at a club.

He was extremely drunk and does not remember much at all, all he can remember is realising he kissed this random girl, pushing her off him and walking out.

He had told me straight away but genuinely can not remember the details which has been distressing- he is unsure if he kissed her, or she kissed him. He doesn’t remember anything leading up to the situation.

He was with a few friends and no one saw anything happen.

He has never got this drunk before in our relationship and has been genuinely apologetic. The most frustrating part is his lack of memory- as I feel if I knew she initiated the kiss then it would make me feel a lot better. But sadly I don’t think I will ever know.

Just needed to vent about this, please give me your thoughts!

Forgive him and move on.

Reply 12

Wired_1800

Original post by Anonymous

Trust is something I am worried about. However, I do feel as though I am leaning towards forgiving him if I am honest. I have already brought up couples counselling as well.

Couples counselling? This is getting out of hand.

Let’s explore an alternative scenario. Imagine it was you who was black out drunk and kissed out lad. You could not remember anything and told your bf immediately. Would you expect him to overreact? If no, why? Because it was not your fault?

If you would expect him to overreact that a guy kissed you when you were crazily drunk then you have your answer. You wont expect him to suggest couples counselling if it was you. Anyway, your choice. Good luck

Reply 13

Dunnig Kruger

16

Original post by Anonymous

Hi all, was hoping to hear a few people’s opinions on my situation although I know I will ultimately need to make a decision about this myself.

Recently my boyfriend confessed to kissing another girl while he was out at a club.

He was extremely drunk and does not remember much at all, all he can remember is realising he kissed this random girl, pushing her off him and walking out.

He had told me straight away but genuinely can not remember the details which has been distressing- he is unsure if he kissed her, or she kissed him. He doesn’t remember anything leading up to the situation.

He was with a few friends and no one saw anything happen.

He has never got this drunk before in our relationship and has been genuinely apologetic. The most frustrating part is his lack of memory- as I feel if I knew she initiated the kiss then it would make me feel a lot better. But sadly I don’t think I will ever know.

Just needed to vent about this, please give me your thoughts!

The very best thing to do in this situation is to give your boyfriend a warm hug and a kiss for telling you. And to make a silly off the cuff joke about the situation and then to carry on enjoying the rest of the day or evening with him. EG "Wow sounds like you were so dizzily drunk it would have looked like there were 2 of them. So, what did you think of your first threesome?"

If a drunken kiss in a club is cheating it's such mild cheating that it's entirely forgivable and any harm done is more than made up for by his honesty on this. It's this sort of frank openness from him that builds trust.

It's a better frame of mind for you to have that you are never concerned about your partner cheating. You can never control another person. But you can influence them. And the best way to influence them is for you to have the mindset that they are free to leave at any time and free to do whatever they want with another consenting adult at any time. And that if your relationship ends because they've found another that they prefer, then you'll send them on their way with your blessings and you'll have your freedom back!

Venting about this is too heavy. Keep things light and fun and enjoyable and adventurous.

Are there any major issues in your relationship?
EG is he hopeless with money?
Has your relationship gotten stale so that he rarely does anything fun, exciting, adventurous, romantic with you?
Etc?

Reply 14

BoomBoxBeitch

15

If he was blackout drunk, I am getting real sexual assault vibes!
On another note he needs to get a better handle on his alcohol consumption. Binge drinking is dangerous.

Reply 15

Surnia

Original post by Anonymous

He was extremely drunk and does not remember much at all, all he can remember is realising he kissed this random girl, pushing her off him and walking out.

He had told me straight away but genuinely can not remember the details which has been distressing- he is unsure if he kissed her, or she kissed him. He doesn’t remember anything leading up to the situation.

So he's 'blackout drunk', but renembers selective details? Like kissing, but not what happened 5 seconds before?

The fact that he got so drunk is really the major concern here. That's behaviour which leaves him vulnerable to losing his wallet and phone, being out of control, annoying people, being separated from friends, thrown out of venues and being hurt. And that's what I've witnessed from other people. Do you want to be with someone who is prepared to jeopardise your relationship in any number of ways?

Reply 16

Dunnig Kruger

16

Original post by Rakas21

He remembers, he is deceiving you.

He does not truly value loyalty, he is almost certainly deceiving you and therefore does not value honour. Even if he was just drunk, he allowed himself to be so and therefore demonstrated poor judgement and pitiful weakness.

He is a poor emotional investment that will likely never produce and an inferior choice of mate compared to many men, write him off.

To put it another way, if a girlfriend had stated this, I would have dumped her without much hesitation.

Have you ever deceived someone that was close to you?
For example by keeping something to yourself that you felt that if you told them, they'd think less of you?
Or telling an exaggeration or a half truth to get out of trouble? Or in an effort to impress them.

Your policies on girlfriends, how are they working out for you? What sort of a girlfriend do you currently have?

Original post by Mohammed_80

Hi OP sorry about what happened although do you think the lack of memory could be to cover up his bs and that either if the girl initiated a kiss or he did either ways a kiss occurred and he cheated on you

Have you ever spoken BS to someone that was close to you?

Original post by Rakas21

It's not something you need to consider.

The decision to drink alcohol is a choice. If you believe that he genuinely allowed himself to become so inebriated that he was not in control of his actions then he demonstrated a lack of judgement, a lack of control, naivety and stupidity. Generally, weakness.

If you validate that behaviour, he will only repeat it.

Have you ever drunk alcohol? Have you ever smoked? Have you ever consumed narcotics?

Have you ever done something that you later regretted? That looking back on it you think was a lack of judgement, or lack of control, or naive, or stupid, or weak?

Original post by BoomBoxBeitch

If he was blackout drunk, I am getting real sexual assault vibes!
On another note he needs to get a better handle on his alcohol consumption. Binge drinking is dangerous.

Have you ever drunk alcohol?
Have you ever smoked?
Have you ever consumed narcotics?
Do you eat any processed meat? Burgers, sausages, ham, spam, corned beef etc?

Original post by Surnia

So he's 'blackout drunk', but renembers selective details? Like kissing, but not what happened 5 seconds before?

The fact that he got so drunk is really the major concern here. That's behaviour which leaves him vulnerable to losing his wallet and phone, being out of control, annoying people, being separated from friends, thrown out of venues and being hurt. And that's what I've witnessed from other people. Do you want to be with someone who is prepared to jeopardise your relationship in any number of ways?

Have you ever gotten so drunk that the ceiling was spinning when you lay down and opened your eyes? Or that you vomited?

One person's "major concern" is another person's "good night out".

Reply 17

Guru Jason

If he was blackout drunk then he was sexual assaulted by this girl. A person blackout drunk cannot consent.

Reply 18

Original post by Dunnig Kruger

Have you ever deceived someone that was close to you?
For example by keeping something to yourself that you felt that if you told them, they'd think less of you?
Or telling an exaggeration or a half truth to get out of trouble? Or in an effort to impress them.

Your policies on girlfriends, how are they working out for you? What sort of a girlfriend do you currently have?

Have you ever spoken BS to someone that was close to you?

Have you ever drunk alcohol? Have you ever smoked? Have you ever consumed narcotics?

Have you ever done something that you later regretted? That looking back on it you think was a lack of judgement, or lack of control, or naive, or stupid, or weak?

Have you ever drunk alcohol?
Have you ever smoked?
Have you ever consumed narcotics?
Do you eat any processed meat? Burgers, sausages, ham, spam, corned beef etc?

Have you ever gotten so drunk that the ceiling was spinning when you lay down and opened your eyes? Or that you vomited?

One person's "major concern" is another person's "good night out".

Na mate I haven’t spoken BS to someone close to me because I go by truth and honesty there’s people that’ll just say any piece of s to cover up their piece of s

Reply 19

Surnia