Best friend applied for same job behind my back :(

Hey,

So I applied for a 12 month undergraduate programme. Its a company I really admire so found out about it when I searched the company website, and haven’t been able to find the same position lisited anywhere else online.

Anyway, I applied and passed through to the telephone interview stage. I’ve never had an interview so was messaging a friend for advice.

I found out today that my best friend went behind my back and applied for the position herself, even though she never brought up that she wanted to take a placement year or follow a career in this particular field. In fact she’s repeatedly said she wants a career in a different sector.

I’m really annoyed with her for doing this as she clearly deliberately went behind my back by not telling me sooner (she applied the same day I asked for advice). However I haven’t yet expressed my annoyance with her.

I really wanted this job and it’s a company I am really interested in. It’s a career I want in the future and she knew how much I wanted this job because we talked about it for ages, so I feel somewhat betrayed.

I’m not sure how to pursue this. In 12 years we’ve never fallen out so should I, for the sake of our relationship just let it slide, or should I confront her about how upset with her it has made me? I don’t know how I will react if she gets it and I don’t, it’s just the one position 😔

Tl;dr: friend went behind my back and applied for a job I really wanted. Not sure if I should confront her?

Reply 1

Kevin De Bruyne

21

Original post by Anonymous

Hey,

So I applied for a 12 month undergraduate programme. Its a company I really admire so found out about it when I searched the company website, and haven’t been able to find the same position lisited anywhere else online.

Anyway, I applied and passed through to the telephone interview stage. I’ve never had an interview so was messaging a friend for advice.

I found out today that my best friend went behind my back and applied for the position herself, even though she never brought up that she wanted to take a placement year or follow a career in this particular field. In fact she’s repeatedly said she wants a career in a different sector.

I’m really annoyed with her for doing this as she clearly deliberately went behind my back by not telling me sooner (she applied the same day I asked for advice). However I haven’t yet expressed my annoyance with her.

I really wanted this job and it’s a company I am really interested in. It’s a career I want in the future and she knew how much I wanted this job because we talked about it for ages, so I feel somewhat betrayed.

I’m not sure how to pursue this. In 12 years we’ve never fallen out so should I, for the sake of our relationship just let it slide, or should I confront her about how upset with her it has made me? I don’t know how I will react if she gets it and I don’t, it’s just the one position 😔

Tl;dr: friend went behind my back and applied for a job I really wanted. Not sure if I should confront her?

If I were you, I would hope that either I get it or neither of us do - just to avoid any conflict. If she does get it, I think be honest, otherwise you will find it hard to let go. Don't make it too difficult for her, just be honest and that it makes you feel x y z but good for her that she was able to get it.

It's impressive that she put together an application in one day... so it sounds suspicious - maybe she was thinking about it earlier?

It's a low thing to do anyway

(edited 6 years ago)

Reply 2

Anonymous #2

My friend did the exact same thing to me. I didn't say anything and neither of us got it. It's been 2 years and I am no longer in contact with her because we both went to separate uni's but I won't forget that she did it. It's snakey and shows that not all friends are true.

Reply 3

999tigger

19

Original post by Anonymous

Hey,

So I applied for a 12 month undergraduate programme. Its a company I really admire so found out about it when I searched the company website, and haven’t been able to find the same position lisited anywhere else online.

Anyway, I applied and passed through to the telephone interview stage. I’ve never had an interview so was messaging a friend for advice.

I found out today that my best friend went behind my back and applied for the position herself, even though she never brought up that she wanted to take a placement year or follow a career in this particular field. In fact she’s repeatedly said she wants a career in a different sector.

I’m really annoyed with her for doing this as she clearly deliberately went behind my back by not telling me sooner (she applied the same day I asked for advice). However I haven’t yet expressed my annoyance with her.

I really wanted this job and it’s a company I am really interested in. It’s a career I want in the future and she knew how much I wanted this job because we talked about it for ages, so I feel somewhat betrayed.

I’m not sure how to pursue this. In 12 years we’ve never fallen out so should I, for the sake of our relationship just let it slide, or should I confront her about how upset with her it has made me? I don’t know how I will react if she gets it and I don’t, it’s just the one position 😔

Tl;dr: friend went behind my back and applied for a job I really wanted. Not sure if I should confront her?

Get the job and then be wary in future.

Reply 4

GreenBell

16

Original post by Anonymous

Hey,

So I applied for a 12 month undergraduate programme. Its a company I really admire so found out about it when I searched the company website, and haven’t been able to find the same position lisited anywhere else online.

Anyway, I applied and passed through to the telephone interview stage. I’ve never had an interview so was messaging a friend for advice.

I found out today that my best friend went behind my back and applied for the position herself, even though she never brought up that she wanted to take a placement year or follow a career in this particular field. In fact she’s repeatedly said she wants a career in a different sector.

I’m really annoyed with her for doing this as she clearly deliberately went behind my back by not telling me sooner (she applied the same day I asked for advice). However I haven’t yet expressed my annoyance with her.

I really wanted this job and it’s a company I am really interested in. It’s a career I want in the future and she knew how much I wanted this job because we talked about it for ages, so I feel somewhat betrayed.

I’m not sure how to pursue this. In 12 years we’ve never fallen out so should I, for the sake of our relationship just let it slide, or should I confront her about how upset with her it has made me? I don’t know how I will react if she gets it and I don’t, it’s just the one position 😔

Tl;dr: friend went behind my back and applied for a job I really wanted. Not sure if I should confront her?

I don't really see anything wrong with what she did. If my friend did the same thing, I'd be surprised and probably ask her why she didn't tell me and hope one of us would get it. She probably felt awkward to tell you since you applied to it but just speak to her. If you've been close friends for a long time, bringing it up wouldn't be a problem.

Reply 5

doodle_333

19

The real problem here is that the friend wasn't honest about it. They should have told you at the time and the fact they didn't implies they think it wasn't an OK thing to do. Personally I think you should have agreed she could apply too had she asked but that doesn't mean you should be OK with her using your research to try and beat you to a job she doesn't care about behind your back. I would tell her calmly you're upset about it. You may as well clear the air. She may not realise it's a big thing and apologise which will help or she may make you realise you can't trust her.

Reply 6

bones-mccoy

19

The fact that she didn't even mention she'd applied, even though it was the main topic of conversation, shows she knew what she did was underhand. I'd ask her why she didn't bother telling you in the first place and how she'd feel if it was the other way around and you applied for a position she really wanted?

(edited 6 years ago)

Reply 7

999tigger

19

Original post by GreenBell

I don't really see anything wrong with what she did. If my friend did the same thing, I'd be surprised and probably ask her why she didn't tell me and hope one of us would get it. She probably felt awkward to tell you since you applied to it but just speak to her. If you've been close friends for a long time, bringing it up wouldn't be a problem.

She's done something behind someones back, which she would never have found out about but for that person and could end up being successful at the expense of her friend.

Real friends tend to be straight with each other and place importance on protecting a friendship.

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

OP

Thank you everyone for the advice and reassurance.

I found out yesterday I’ve progressed to the final interview stage with the hiring manager. My friend has yet to hear anything.

For the sake of our friendship I don’t think I’ll be confronting her and will just try and put this behind us.

Reply 9

GreenBell

16

Original post by 999tigger

She's done something behind someones back, which she would never have found out about but for that person and could end up being successful at the expense of her friend.

Real friends tend to be straight with each other and place importance on protecting a friendship.

It's not really at the expense of her friend. If her friend didn't get it then someone else would have. I understand why she didn't tell me about (to not make it awkward) and if she gets the job I'll be happy for her. It's not that deep.

Reply 10

999tigger

19

Original post by GreenBell

It's not really at the expense of her friend. If her friend didn't get it then someone else would have. I understand why she didn't tell me about (to not make it awkward) and if she gets the job I'll be happy for her. It's not that deep.

It is the potential. Theres also the deceit behind your back nature.
You obviously dont get it. Not how any of my friends would behave or I to them.

Reply 11

GreenBell

16

Original post by 999tigger

It is the potential. Theres also the deceit behind your back nature.
You obviously dont get it. Not how any of my friends would behave or I to them.

I do get it. I am really close with my friends and if one of them did that I would just ask why and talk about it. They wouldn't do it to be more successful than me, they probably did it because they thought the job looked good. I'd be a bit surprised to why they did it but it's just a job, it's not a specific thing that I know I will get but because my friend applied, I'd be disadvantaged.

Reply 12

999tigger

19

Original post by GreenBell

I do get it. I am really close with my friends and if one of them did that I would just ask why and talk about it. They wouldn't do it to be more successful than me, they probably did it because they thought the job looked good. I'd be a bit surprised to why they did it but it's just a job, it's not a specific thing that I know I will get but because my friend applied, I'd be disadvantaged.