Should i break up with my bf
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Original post by jamieleanne99
Please hear me out, I'm not saying that I agree with how my family would view someone of a lower class but I still have to face it. When I was 13 my cousin was in a relationship with a really lovely smart guy who was from a working class background, she didn't break up with him like our family asked her to and instead became pregnant at 21, no one is even allowed to say her name anymore. She was cut off as if she didn't mean anything and we communicate through Christmas cards! That's not what I want.
Tbh i dont know what getting pregnant at 21 has anything to do with anything. It has nothing to do with the fact hes working class lmao. Your family doesnt need to know his whole background and history lmao. Sorry but your family is toxic. If you insist on brining the whole family with you into the relationship, just break up with him. He honestly deserves so much better than that.
Original post by Youssef Dahi
Anyone can change. Through personality, appearance and yes, “even class.”
Does your boyfriend have a promising future?
Does your boyfriend have a promising future?
He's studying physics at oxford so yes.
He's extremely clever, possibly the smartest person I've ever met.
My family will easily overlook that after judging where he's from and the careers of his parents.
I mean even I was looked down on by close family friends after saying I wanted to study psychology at university, and everyone in my family has discouraged me from it.
Original post by ----_----
Tbh i dont know what getting pregnant at 21 has anything to do with anything. It has nothing to do with the fact hes working class lmao. Your family doesnt need to know his whole background and history lmao. Sorry but your family is toxic. If you insist on brining the whole family with you into the relationship, just break up with him. He honestly deserves so much better than that.
My family means a lot to me so I couldn't just cut them off
What is class exactly? Do you base it on how much money someone's got?
I've seen plenty of wealthy people coming from fancy backgrounds treating other people in an absolutely disgusting manner which I would not consider classy at all. Yet, my friend whose father is a taxi driver, would lend me money if I needed it in a heartbeat.
Class does not = money/job/house.
If you really love him, then disregard what your family thinks. The reality is it is your life and no one has the right to dictate who you date. I'm Muslim, and I come from a strict Middle Eastern family who is reasonably wealthy and both my parents have honour's degrees from the UK. I have a degree and work a respectable professional job. Yet, I dated a Chinese guy who drove a 25 year old Suzuki Swift and installed alarms in people's houses for a living. My parents hated it at first but when they saw how nice he was to me they got over it. Even if they didn't get over it I would have carried on dating him because family is supposed to support you, not dictate you. If they cut you off because of something so petty they don't really deserve to be in your life anyway.
I've seen plenty of wealthy people coming from fancy backgrounds treating other people in an absolutely disgusting manner which I would not consider classy at all. Yet, my friend whose father is a taxi driver, would lend me money if I needed it in a heartbeat.
Class does not = money/job/house.
If you really love him, then disregard what your family thinks. The reality is it is your life and no one has the right to dictate who you date. I'm Muslim, and I come from a strict Middle Eastern family who is reasonably wealthy and both my parents have honour's degrees from the UK. I have a degree and work a respectable professional job. Yet, I dated a Chinese guy who drove a 25 year old Suzuki Swift and installed alarms in people's houses for a living. My parents hated it at first but when they saw how nice he was to me they got over it. Even if they didn't get over it I would have carried on dating him because family is supposed to support you, not dictate you. If they cut you off because of something so petty they don't really deserve to be in your life anyway.
Ignoring all of the young and niave on here who have grown up watching movies telling them that love conquers all.. and nothing should stand in the way if you love the person...
Getting into the real world, class is a combination of two things in the UK:
Culture + Wealth
Funnily enough, both of these things are highly important to assessing who to marry. Not who to date - you can date and have fun with anyone, but when you are looking at who to marry, who will become a part of your family, and be with you for the rest of your life, then they become highly important.
---
Wealth is the easier one - if you have a person with a lot of it, and a person without much - then its a simple set of questions: Can the person with money help the person without? Share their wealth so they both live on an even level, and can experience everything together? Or does the person with less money have the potential and capability of earning more, and matching their partner? A relationship can never work if two people are at different financial levels, and do not help each other to become a single financial unit.
So say, your family are very rich, and he isn't - and you want to do XYZ rich activities every year.. fly to X for holiday.. eat in Z posh resteraunt.. follow Y rich hobby. If he can't afford it, are you willing to pay for him to do it with you? Combine your money so what's your is his, and whats his is yours etc? Or are you confident that he can rise to the level of income/wealth needed to match your family?
---
Culture is the harder one. Class differences in the UK are cultural differences. There is more cultural difference between an upper class British person, and a working class British person - then a working class British person and a french working class person.
I come from a middle-class family, probably on the upper-side, and throughout my life I have had a fair bit of exposure to upper-class families.. and you quickly realize how different their culture is. Its different traditions, different family values, different ways of functioning in the world, different hobbies/interests, different institutions etc. The middle class and the working class are quite similar, but the true upper class, is a world apart culturally.
Culture makes a huge difference when you are considering finding someone to marry.Trust me, as someone who is in a relationship with another person from a different culture (caused by ethnicity not class) you don't realise how much it will effect your life until your into the marriage, and dealing with the issues. It causes so so many more problems for a marriage, when you have two people with different cultures. You have endless potential clashes where one culture would do X, and the other believes Y is the best way.. and it really pushes and forces you to be very good at negotiating/compromising and more.
Your parents are also the big difficulty when culture is considered. Again, from personal experience, I live in the middle of two sets of parents, mine and my wifes, from different cultures and its a nightmare. I can understand my wifes' families culture... my wife can understand my culture... but my parents? They can never understand her culture, and her parents? They can never understand my culture. You are constantly stuck in the middle, as each set of parents has vastly different values and ideals for your life, and you constantly have to mediate between them. Add babies/grandchildren into the mix, and gets even more messy.
---
So really its just something you need to think very clearly about. Ignore the kids who want you to forget every practical consideration for love. In fact when choosing who to marry, practical considerations like wealth and culture are very important. That doesn't mean its impossible to make it work - its still very possible, but it means that its only possible if you both understand and are willing to accept the extra difficulties. Marriage is already difficult, its a big thing to make it even harder, so you really need to be ready to make that sacrifice. There is nothing bad or shameful about admitting that - actually you'd like the easier option of marrying someone whose life and path is more similar to you. Its what most people do.
Getting into the real world, class is a combination of two things in the UK:
Culture + Wealth
Funnily enough, both of these things are highly important to assessing who to marry. Not who to date - you can date and have fun with anyone, but when you are looking at who to marry, who will become a part of your family, and be with you for the rest of your life, then they become highly important.
---
Wealth is the easier one - if you have a person with a lot of it, and a person without much - then its a simple set of questions: Can the person with money help the person without? Share their wealth so they both live on an even level, and can experience everything together? Or does the person with less money have the potential and capability of earning more, and matching their partner? A relationship can never work if two people are at different financial levels, and do not help each other to become a single financial unit.
So say, your family are very rich, and he isn't - and you want to do XYZ rich activities every year.. fly to X for holiday.. eat in Z posh resteraunt.. follow Y rich hobby. If he can't afford it, are you willing to pay for him to do it with you? Combine your money so what's your is his, and whats his is yours etc? Or are you confident that he can rise to the level of income/wealth needed to match your family?
---
Culture is the harder one. Class differences in the UK are cultural differences. There is more cultural difference between an upper class British person, and a working class British person - then a working class British person and a french working class person.
I come from a middle-class family, probably on the upper-side, and throughout my life I have had a fair bit of exposure to upper-class families.. and you quickly realize how different their culture is. Its different traditions, different family values, different ways of functioning in the world, different hobbies/interests, different institutions etc. The middle class and the working class are quite similar, but the true upper class, is a world apart culturally.
Culture makes a huge difference when you are considering finding someone to marry.Trust me, as someone who is in a relationship with another person from a different culture (caused by ethnicity not class) you don't realise how much it will effect your life until your into the marriage, and dealing with the issues. It causes so so many more problems for a marriage, when you have two people with different cultures. You have endless potential clashes where one culture would do X, and the other believes Y is the best way.. and it really pushes and forces you to be very good at negotiating/compromising and more.
Your parents are also the big difficulty when culture is considered. Again, from personal experience, I live in the middle of two sets of parents, mine and my wifes, from different cultures and its a nightmare. I can understand my wifes' families culture... my wife can understand my culture... but my parents? They can never understand her culture, and her parents? They can never understand my culture. You are constantly stuck in the middle, as each set of parents has vastly different values and ideals for your life, and you constantly have to mediate between them. Add babies/grandchildren into the mix, and gets even more messy.
---
So really its just something you need to think very clearly about. Ignore the kids who want you to forget every practical consideration for love. In fact when choosing who to marry, practical considerations like wealth and culture are very important. That doesn't mean its impossible to make it work - its still very possible, but it means that its only possible if you both understand and are willing to accept the extra difficulties. Marriage is already difficult, its a big thing to make it even harder, so you really need to be ready to make that sacrifice. There is nothing bad or shameful about admitting that - actually you'd like the easier option of marrying someone whose life and path is more similar to you. Its what most people do.
Original post by fallen_acorns
Ignoring all of the young and niave on here who have grown up watching movies telling them that love conquers all.. and nothing should stand in the way if you love the person...
Getting into the real world, class is a combination of two things in the UK:
Culture + Wealth
Funnily enough, both of these things are highly important to assessing who to marry. Not who to date - you can date and have fun with anyone, but when you are looking at who to marry, who will become a part of your family, and be with you for the rest of your life, then they become highly important.
---
Wealth is the easier one - if you have a person with a lot of it, and a person without much - then its a simple set of questions: Can the person with money help the person without? Share their wealth so they both live on an even level, and can experience everything together? Or does the person with less money have the potential and capability of earning more, and matching their partner? A relationship can never work if two people are at different financial levels, and do not help each other to become a single financial unit.
So say, your family are very rich, and he isn't - and you want to do XYZ rich activities every year.. fly to X for holiday.. eat in Z posh resteraunt.. follow Y rich hobby. If he can't afford it, are you willing to pay for him to do it with you? Combine your money so what's your is his, and whats his is yours etc? Or are you confident that he can rise to the level of income/wealth needed to match your family?
---
Culture is the harder one. Class differences in the UK are cultural differences. There is more cultural difference between an upper class British person, and a working class British person - then a working class British person and a french working class person.
I come from a middle-class family, probably on the upper-side, and throughout my life I have had a fair bit of exposure to upper-class families.. and you quickly realize how different their culture is. Its different traditions, different family values, different ways of functioning in the world, different hobbies/interests, different institutions etc. The middle class and the working class are quite similar, but the true upper class, is a world apart culturally.
Culture makes a huge difference when you are considering finding someone to marry.Trust me, as someone who is in a relationship with another person from a different culture (caused by ethnicity not class) you don't realise how much it will effect your life until your into the marriage, and dealing with the issues. It causes so so many more problems for a marriage, when you have two people with different cultures. You have endless potential clashes where one culture would do X, and the other believes Y is the best way.. and it really pushes and forces you to be very good at negotiating/compromising and more.
Your parents are also the big difficulty when culture is considered. Again, from personal experience, I live in the middle of two sets of parents, mine and my wifes, from different cultures and its a nightmare. I can understand my wifes' families culture... my wife can understand my culture... but my parents? They can never understand her culture, and her parents? They can never understand my culture. You are constantly stuck in the middle, as each set of parents has vastly different values and ideals for your life, and you constantly have to mediate between them. Add babies/grandchildren into the mix, and gets even more messy.
---
So really its just something you need to think very clearly about. Ignore the kids who want you to forget every practical consideration for love. In fact when choosing who to marry, practical considerations like wealth and culture are very important. That doesn't mean its impossible to make it work - its still very possible, but it means that its only possible if you both understand and are willing to accept the extra difficulties. Marriage is already difficult, its a big thing to make it even harder, so you really need to be ready to make that sacrifice. There is nothing bad or shameful about admitting that - actually you'd like the easier option of marrying someone whose life and path is more similar to you. Its what most people do.
Getting into the real world, class is a combination of two things in the UK:
Culture + Wealth
Funnily enough, both of these things are highly important to assessing who to marry. Not who to date - you can date and have fun with anyone, but when you are looking at who to marry, who will become a part of your family, and be with you for the rest of your life, then they become highly important.
---
Wealth is the easier one - if you have a person with a lot of it, and a person without much - then its a simple set of questions: Can the person with money help the person without? Share their wealth so they both live on an even level, and can experience everything together? Or does the person with less money have the potential and capability of earning more, and matching their partner? A relationship can never work if two people are at different financial levels, and do not help each other to become a single financial unit.
So say, your family are very rich, and he isn't - and you want to do XYZ rich activities every year.. fly to X for holiday.. eat in Z posh resteraunt.. follow Y rich hobby. If he can't afford it, are you willing to pay for him to do it with you? Combine your money so what's your is his, and whats his is yours etc? Or are you confident that he can rise to the level of income/wealth needed to match your family?
---
Culture is the harder one. Class differences in the UK are cultural differences. There is more cultural difference between an upper class British person, and a working class British person - then a working class British person and a french working class person.
I come from a middle-class family, probably on the upper-side, and throughout my life I have had a fair bit of exposure to upper-class families.. and you quickly realize how different their culture is. Its different traditions, different family values, different ways of functioning in the world, different hobbies/interests, different institutions etc. The middle class and the working class are quite similar, but the true upper class, is a world apart culturally.
Culture makes a huge difference when you are considering finding someone to marry.Trust me, as someone who is in a relationship with another person from a different culture (caused by ethnicity not class) you don't realise how much it will effect your life until your into the marriage, and dealing with the issues. It causes so so many more problems for a marriage, when you have two people with different cultures. You have endless potential clashes where one culture would do X, and the other believes Y is the best way.. and it really pushes and forces you to be very good at negotiating/compromising and more.
Your parents are also the big difficulty when culture is considered. Again, from personal experience, I live in the middle of two sets of parents, mine and my wifes, from different cultures and its a nightmare. I can understand my wifes' families culture... my wife can understand my culture... but my parents? They can never understand her culture, and her parents? They can never understand my culture. You are constantly stuck in the middle, as each set of parents has vastly different values and ideals for your life, and you constantly have to mediate between them. Add babies/grandchildren into the mix, and gets even more messy.
---
So really its just something you need to think very clearly about. Ignore the kids who want you to forget every practical consideration for love. In fact when choosing who to marry, practical considerations like wealth and culture are very important. That doesn't mean its impossible to make it work - its still very possible, but it means that its only possible if you both understand and are willing to accept the extra difficulties. Marriage is already difficult, its a big thing to make it even harder, so you really need to be ready to make that sacrifice. There is nothing bad or shameful about admitting that - actually you'd like the easier option of marrying someone whose life and path is more similar to you. Its what most people do.
This isn't true, both people in the relationship don't have to be on the same financial level for their marriage to work. There are a lot of people who are a stay at home wife or husband who look after kids/household and don't earn any money while the other one only has a paying job and their marriage is fine. Also cases when both people work in the relationship, one of them could earn a lot more money than the other. It isn't really about being from the same social class or having the same amount of money, it's about compatibility.
Original post by Anonymous
This isn't true, both people in the relationship don't have to be on the same financial level for their marriage to work. There are a lot of people who are a stay at home wife or husband who look after kids/household and don't earn any money while the other one only has a paying job and their marriage is fine. Also cases when both people work in the relationship, one of them could earn a lot more money than the other. It isn't really about being from the same social class or having the same amount of money, it's about compatibility.
1. You have missed my point entirely.
Being on the same financial level doesn't mean that you both need to earn the same amount - it means that you both need to have the same ability to spend. There are two ways of achieving this, first is to earn the same amount, but the second - and far more common way - is to share all your money between the two individuals. So for example, a house-wife + businessman who pool their money together into a single married-account, would be on the same financial level. They both have access to the same resources, and can live the same type of lifestyle.
That was my point to the OP - lets say she is a rich upper class individual, and her boyfriend is lower-class and has no savings at all. If she wants to maintain a very rich lifestyle, and keep their relationship healthy - then she needs to either: A, be confident that he can earn enough to match her, or B, be happy to share her wealth with him. If neither of these is ok, then they will fail because he will not be able to keep up with the lifestyle she wants and can afford.
2, "It isn't really about being from the same social class or having the same amount of money, it's about compatibility."
Yes.. and what is compatibility? There are many aspects of compatibility...
looks..
personality..
future family plans..
where you want to live..
hobbies/lifestyle..
views on work/life ballances..
money..
culture..
attitudes to drugs..
etc. etc.
Comparability is all of these things. And yes, social class and money are part of compatibility.
They are not the only things that matter, but they are two parts of the massive equation that is compatibility.. which as you correctly say, is what its about.
still, feel like I'm in an inspector calls. Feel like you are Mr Birling, and everyone else here is the Inspector lollll listen to us, think about what you are saying.
Original post by jamieleanne99
Please hear me out, I'm not saying that I agree with how my family would view someone of a lower class but I still have to face it. When I was 13 my cousin was in a relationship with a really lovely smart guy who was from a working class background, she didn't break up with him like our family asked her to and instead became pregnant at 21, no one is even allowed to say her name anymore. She was cut off as if she didn't mean anything and we communicate through Christmas cards! That's not what I want.
While this will be controversial I think that you said it yourself. If you feel embarassed about him now this is very likely to come between you so I would advise you to break up or at least let him know that you cannot imagine a future with him. You need a partner that you will be able to respect.
To be honest, he deserves better so yeah.
Thanks for the advice but mainly passing judgement. I did break up with him today.
Original post by jamieleanne99
Thanks for the advice but mainly passing judgement. I did break up with him today.
How did he take it? Did you use the same explanation in your post to break up with him?
Original post by jamieleanne99
Please hear me out, I'm not saying that I agree with how my family would view someone of a lower class but I still have to face it. When I was 13 my cousin was in a relationship with a really lovely smart guy who was from a working class background, she didn't break up with him like our family asked her to and instead became pregnant at 21, no one is even allowed to say her name anymore. She was cut off as if she didn't mean anything and we communicate through Christmas cards! That's not what I want.
Ignore them. You don't owe anyone a relationship. You can refuse to date someone because they're too tall, short, fat, skinny, smart, stupid, rich, poor or... Yes... Too low class.
You do you. Better that you find someone you're happy with. Better that he finds someone who's happy with him. You both win.
Look I reckon if you really love this guy then it should be pretty obvious what to do. All you can do is what you want, not what others want and hopefully it’ll turn out alright.
You can’t live your whole life not doing things because you’re afraid of what your family and friends might think.
You can’t live your whole life not doing things because you’re afraid of what your family and friends might think.
Original post by jamieleanne99
So I've been with my boyfriend for about 6 months and I think he wants something really serious.
He has a long term relationship in mind.
I don't see that future, I'm from a higher class and my parents would never approve. I could easily go ahead anyway but it's not just their disapproval, I would feel like my boyfriend is inferior in comparison to all the other boys my cousins will be dating.
All of my exes are from the same area and class as me but i've never loved any of them, I think I love my boyfriend but this disparity between us is hindering my commitment towards him.
I think the past four months can only be described as blissful denial, and now that I'm thinking of these issues it's provoking the same question each time: Is it worth being together and sacrificing want I've always wanted in a boyfriend?
I just needed some advice as my friends would never understand.
He has a long term relationship in mind.
I don't see that future, I'm from a higher class and my parents would never approve. I could easily go ahead anyway but it's not just their disapproval, I would feel like my boyfriend is inferior in comparison to all the other boys my cousins will be dating.
All of my exes are from the same area and class as me but i've never loved any of them, I think I love my boyfriend but this disparity between us is hindering my commitment towards him.
I think the past four months can only be described as blissful denial, and now that I'm thinking of these issues it's provoking the same question each time: Is it worth being together and sacrificing want I've always wanted in a boyfriend?
I just needed some advice as my friends would never understand.
Original post by jamieleanne99
Thanks for the advice but mainly passing judgement. I did break up with him today.
Delete this post you dozy cow
Original post by cheesecakelove
How did he take it? Did you use the same explanation in your post to break up with him?
Well I said "we're two very different people and this won't work in the future. Firstly because I will want a certain lifestyle which requires being very financially secure. I won't want to buy a smaller property because you can't pay for the other half of the property I want to live and start a family in. I would want frequent weekends away, I would want to be able to spend my money without worrying about me covering the majority of the bills we receive. I picture constant traveling and I'd want my children to attend private schools and have anything they could possibly ask for. Secondly, my parents and family would never approve, they would leave me out of family plans, I wouldnt inherit as much, I wouldn't want to disappoint them." Etc.
He took it pretty badly, he basically told me that he loved me and I broke his heart. It's not as if I'm not upset but I know I'm doing what's best for myself and my decision will serve me best going forward.
Original post by 162244
Clearly a troll.
If it’s not a troll.
The money you speak of, was handed to you through family, you didn’t work for it. You’re no better than anyone else. If you want to live a certain lifestyle pay for it yourself cause no one should pay your bills.
Find love in a diamond necklace you pompous swine cause you won’t find it in anyone else.
If it’s not a troll.
The money you speak of, was handed to you through family, you didn’t work for it. You’re no better than anyone else. If you want to live a certain lifestyle pay for it yourself cause no one should pay your bills.
Find love in a diamond necklace you pompous swine cause you won’t find it in anyone else.
Excuse me?
Firstly I'm not a troll. All I wanted was advice and suggestions on how to approach a serious matter.
I don't believe I'm better than anyone else, I've never expressed that I am in this post at all. I was not implying that HE should pay for anything I want, however, I'd want a partner who could come with me and pay for himself.
"I don't think he'd be able to keep up with me and my family."
.
That's enough for u to breakup. I too had same tormentous experience. Its finally we who have to face the society.. And class matching is issue . if u are weak hearted like me please leave him.
.
Note-Don't listen to people and certainly not on a market group like this where even Tetris player of 5 yrs will voice his opinion.
.
Peace
Bless u
Claira
.
.
That's enough for u to breakup. I too had same tormentous experience. Its finally we who have to face the society.. And class matching is issue . if u are weak hearted like me please leave him.
.
Note-Don't listen to people and certainly not on a market group like this where even Tetris player of 5 yrs will voice his opinion.
.
Peace
Bless u
Claira
.
Original post by jamieleanne99
I'm not shallow, if he was from the same background as me I'd definitely commit to a long term relationship. He's perfect other than that.
I don't think he'd be able to keep up with me and my family.
I don't think he'd be able to keep up with me and my family.
Able to keep up? Being lower class doesn’t make you stupid! Christ, the classism and clear idiocy in this post is overwhelming
Original post by 162244
Clearly a troll.
If it’s not a troll.
The money you speak of, was handed to you through family, you didn’t work for it. You’re no better than anyone else. If you want to live a certain lifestyle pay for it yourself cause no one should pay your bills.
Find love in a diamond necklace you pompous swine cause you won’t find it in anyone else.
If it’s not a troll.
The money you speak of, was handed to you through family, you didn’t work for it. You’re no better than anyone else. If you want to live a certain lifestyle pay for it yourself cause no one should pay your bills.
Find love in a diamond necklace you pompous swine cause you won’t find it in anyone else.
jealousy in written form.
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