Too reliant on bf

I feel uneasy if we don't speak much in a day. It scares me because I don't know what I'd do without him, ... I also get incredibly jealous and possessive

... I'm anxious all the time because I feel like if I lose him I'll have nothing left ...

Hey, I hope everyone reading this is okay.

I've got a problem and I just don't know what to do. I'll try and keep it short as possible, but basically the gist is I'm way too reliant on my boyfriend. Whatever his emotions are will determine what mine are, and I feel uneasy if we don't speak much in a day. It scares me because I don't know what I'd do without him, or even if he was just really busy for a couple days and had to reduce contact. I also get incredibly jealous and possessive, but I try not to let this interfere too much and would never consciously put him in a tough position because of it.

I really love him, and I've talked to him every single day for well over a year. I had a really big crush on him when we were friends and ever since then I've pretty much based myself around him. When we were friends he used to just call at night, so I'd make myself available from like 9pm onwards. In lockdown I missed online lessons because I'd rather speak to him. I'd do anything for him. I think romantic love has always been big for me, but I'm getting really concerned. I'm anxious all the time because I feel like if I lose him I'll have nothing left, and it gets to the point where I literally can't see how I would live without him.

I'm aware my attitudes and behaviours are toxic, and perhaps verging on dangerous, but I don't know how I would change them. Has anyone else managed to improve themselves, or has anyone just got ideas about how I can better myself in regards to this?

as you said, it's bad behaviour. how do you feel knowing you are this person?

It sounds like you are in love Just don't miss online lessons and make time to spend with other friends/family as well.

you need to detach yourself. asap. this is unhealthy. you are your own person and you are a queen you should NEVER be reliant on anyone because they can turn on you at any point. DETACHHH SISS

I never thought it would get this bad but I just don’t know how to change it


Aw, this is actually a really sweet answer - thank you!


I do sometimes get scared and want to push him away, but I really love him too much 😅

Why not involve him with your friends and family? That way you would being doing other things/meeting other people without pushing him away (lockdown rules notwithstanding).

U may have clinical depression coz it can manifest in this total desperation in a rel and inability to see urself functioning outside of it.

Dude did u read wat OP wrote and the depth of feeling and concern she xpressed?

" it gets to the point where I literally can't see how I would live without him.
I'm aware my attitudes and behaviours are toxic, and perhaps verging on dangerous, but I don't know how I would change them."

This is strong for self-analysis. From my pov this far exceeds "a bit of over-clinginess." I serve as a peer counselor at my own U's Student Heath resource center and I did get some training in this area of student mental health prior to being authorized to handle cases last year. If OP called me at night to discuss this concern of hers I'd flag this as a Level 2. Someone who self-diagnoses her attitudes as "toxic and verging on dangerous" recognizes impulses that are not within normal relationship management bounds. Females generally don't over-dramatize their feelings during these reveals. As a general observation mental health issues are underdiagnosed among uni students in part because of a culture that seeks to minimize concerns and normalize strong feelings of despair such as those articulated by OP.

I didn't say for sure but several notification thresholds are exceeded and I'd seek a case manager referral/consult for depression on this if it came to me in my campus job. At the least a consult would eliminate the possibility but if it is clinical then meds can be very effective in lifting the curtain.

That sounds reasonable. I have tried to stick to lessons more this time and I think I’ve been doing better that way. Other interests is probably a must at this point though.


That might be a good idea too. He gets on very well with my family so it could work!

Obviously I did. They seem to just lack a life outside their relationship.
You do not know OP. Clingyness in whatever form can be caused from many things. Hinting at diagnosing them through the internet with something as drastic as 'you may have clinical depression uwu' is not helpful in the slightest nor is is constructive advice. If anything the fact that you're trained in the field makes me more concerned at the level of irresponsibility your post shows.

Ur opinion and mine will differ.... I hope OP can find some way forwards coz it sounds hard.

maybe break up? and try to find yourself.

You seem to have lost yourself and you’re very attached to him, at some point it can cause a major problem if not fixed, but it’s great that you have recognised it and are willing to do something to change that.

Try find doing things that you enjoy by yourself so like a hobby.
When he texts you try not to reply straight away, give like 10 minutes and find something to do for those 10 minutes. Remember he is busy, and you are allowed to be busy as well!
Always remember you lived perfectly fine on your own before you met him, so if anything were to happen it you would be fine, and that you DON’T NEED A MAN TO RELY ON FOR YOUR HAPPINESS!
Just take it step by step and see how that goes