South Asians would you be engaged to someone from back home without meeting first

So my cousin spoke to a guy from Pakistan during lockdown this was set up by her mums friend. She chatted to him so far on video and phone but never met him. She got engaged to him in January so now the boys family have sent dresses and jewellery in the post to her. Don't know when the wedding will be but would anyone else do the same or would they meet the person first then decide whether to marry them I feel you can't get a feel for someone by phone or chatting by video.
I personally had chemistry with a few people on phone and when I met them it fizzled out as no chemistry or vibe.

Reply 1

username5655466

17

Uhh personally i would not, I mean, I need to meet them irl, but what is more concerning for me is that she was set up with someone back home?
Are there no people here that she could have met??
But then again, i guess if she is alright with it, then, ok.

Reply 2

aliyahh10

14

personally, i'd want to meet them first since i feel like you dont really know how a person is like just over the phone but if you meet them in person, you at least get a more feel on how their character/personality/vibes are like. talking to them only on the phone, for me, wouldn't provide me with much information of the person than in real life.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Justaboutalive

Uhh personally i would not, I mean, I need to meet them irl, but what is more concerning for me is that she was set up with someone back home?
Are there no people here that she could have met??
But then again, i guess if she is alright with it, then, ok.

She met a few guys here but she didn't like them.
I was surprised too cause she refused in the past to marry someone back home.
I heard she wouldn't even speak to him at first so maybe she really likes him who knows

Reply 4

Bookworm_88

19

ofc not! What sort of question is this :rofl:

Reply 5

username5655466

17

Original post by Anonymous

She met a few guys here but she didn't like them.
I was surprised too cause she refused in the past to marry someone back home.
I heard she wouldn't even speak to him at first so maybe she really likes him who knows

Wouldn't even speak to him? Like how as in shyful or she just didn't want to?

nah

in my opinion personally would have to get to know them in real life before making choices

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Justaboutalive

Wouldn't even speak to him? Like how as in shyful or she just didn't want to?

I overheard it maybe she was shy I think. The problem was her parents were in an unhappy marriage arranged and got divorced 10 years ago I think maybe that’s why she is a bit wary.

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Bookworm_88

ofc not! What sort of question is this :rofl:

Are you Asian? Cause there are people out there who go through this.

Reply 10

username5655466

17

Original post by Anonymous

I overheard it maybe she was shy I think. The problem was her parents were in an unhappy marriage arranged and got divorced 10 years ago I think maybe that’s why she is a bit wary.

Hm alright, I think it's just important to keep her communicating about how she feels here, don't want anything happening where she may be pressured.

Reply 11

2003a39

22

No, I'd want to know a girl for months, maybe years, before even considering engagement.

Reply 12

Wise Goldie

17

Original post by Justaboutalive

Uhh personally i would not, I mean, I need to meet them irl, but what is more concerning for me is that she was set up with someone back home?
Are there no people here that she could have met??
But then again, i guess if she is alright with it, then, ok.

yeh not to say anything bad about islam or anything but i dont think arrange marriage is right cos how can you love who you never meet
but thats my opinion which mean its prob wrong lol

Reply 13

Wired_1800

20

Original post by Anonymous

So my cousin spoke to a guy from Pakistan during lockdown this was set up by her mums friend. She chatted to him so far on video and phone but never met him. She got engaged to him in January so now the boys family have sent dresses and jewellery in the post to her. Don't know when the wedding will be but would anyone else do the same or would they meet the person first then decide whether to marry them I feel you can't get a feel for someone by phone or chatting by video.
I personally had chemistry with a few people on phone and when I met them it fizzled out as no chemistry or vibe.

Best to meet the person first then date/court for about 1 year before marriage.

Reply 14

fxtimx101

14

Original post by Bookworm_88

ofc not! What sort of question is this :rofl:

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Reply 15

username5655466

17

Original post by Wise Goldie

yeh not to say anything bad about islam or anything but i dont think arrange marriage is right cos how can you love who you never meet
but thats my opinion which mean its prob wrong lol

Lol it's not just Islam that does arranged marriages, lots of cultures do.
Plus in the case of an arranged marriage its not where two individuals are told 'you and you, get married now!' lol but they are two single people, looking to get married and are introduced to one another by people who know what they are looking for in a partner. From the introduction they can discuss things and talk, get to know each other and yeah propose or not.
:h:

Reply 16

CÄ±llÄ±an

18

Original post by Anonymous

Are you Asian? Cause there are people out there who go through this.

Well it's not down to being Asian. Alot of people fall in love over WiFi regardless of race. That person is just saying they wouldn't do it

Reply 17

CÄ±llÄ±an

18

Original post by Wise Goldie

yeh not to say anything bad about islam or anything but i dont think arrange marriage is right cos how can you love who you never meet
but thats my opinion which mean its prob wrong lol

Arranged marriage =/= forced marriage

Forced marriage is haraam in Islam.
Arranged marriage is just introducing 2 people to meet up and see if they wanna get married. Different cultures do it differently but its definitely better than finding a random girl in the club imo

Reply 18

Cryoraptor

18

I'm not Asian or Muslim but I think I speak for the majority when I say this is a really backwards practice and you can't possibly love someone enough to marry them without even meeting...