Am I being unreasonable?

Let me start off by setting the scene…

I’m currently a university student at Cardiff University. Prior to coming to Cardiff, I lived in London with both of my parents. I don’t have any siblings. Due to various reasons, my first year at university was a bit rocky, which resulted in me spending most of the year in London. Understandably, this didn’t give my parents the best opportunity to shake the empty nest syndrome they would’ve experienced when I returned to Cardiff last October. Therefore, I am constantly bombarded with phone calls at least 3/4 times (followed up with messages) from each parent, sometimes even when I am at university. Despite my increasing annoyance, I decided to humour them to prevent any trouble, hoping they would stop calling that often. To my dismay, 5 months later, they are still calling and texting multiple times per day!

Quite recently, I went to dinner with a few friends. I called my mother before I left my accommodation and told her I would drop a text when I reached the restaurant, when I left the restaurant, and again when I reached the accommodation. One would hope that this would keep her happy, but it was made very clear early into the dinner that it wasn’t when I was greeted by a text from her asking ‘how’s it going?’. I, of course, didn’t reply. I was then promptly sent another text: ‘Shyleen?’
Quite frustrated at this point, I ignored her once again. Later on in the night, 2 minutes before I reached my accommodation, I was bombarded with two consecutive phone calls, the latter of which I finally answered. We had a bit of an argument in which I made it clear that I didn’t want to be texted when I was out, especially when I had assured her when I had reached and when I would be leaving. She didn’t take that very well which ended the conversation for the night. In hindsight, I think I was a bit rude, so I do admit fault there.

Two days ago, I was embroiled in another argument with my mother and sort of with my father about the insane amount of phone calls and messages that I was receiving from them. I calmly (sort of) explained that I would appreciate not being called so often as I am a university student and therefore have things to be getting on with. This, as I’m sure you can imagine by now, didn’t go down very well and I was accused of being involved in bad company and that she wouldn’t be calling me again since I was so fascinated with the independence that came with university and have forgotten all about her and my father. The conversation, once again, abruptly ended. A few hours later, my cousin called and said she was asked by mother to find out how I was and if anything was wrong. This part I was expecting, since I can’t remember a single time where my mother has directly and genuinely asked me how I was. Cousin didn’t provide me with any advice for fear she would make things worse, though I’m not entirely sure that was even possible.

Today, after 48 hours of not speaking to each other, my mother called. This was initiated by 2 missed calls by my father and 2 missed calls by mother, all within 2 minutes. The 3rd phone call by mother I picked up. The reason I didn’t answer was because I was in the kitchen. The conversation started with her simply shouting across the phone at me for being selfish for not getting in touch with her. This was followed by her bursting into tears and putting the phone down before I could even put together a single sentence. I called her again to no avail. I imagine we are back to not speaking to each other again.

I acknowledge this post is getting long and repetitive, so I’ll stop with the saga.

So, as per the title, am I being unreasonable?

TL;DR Is it wrong of me to only want to talk to my parents once a day or once every two days whilst at university rather than multiple times a day, everyday?

A lot of university students don’t talk to their parents for weeks, let alone every day. Of course you aren’t being unreasonable.

I am guessing you’re Asian. You should either explain to them how controlling they are, or look for ways to move out from home once you leave university if that’s what you want to do. Don’t waste your life away because of controlling and overbearing parents.

Let me start off by setting the scene…

I’m currently a university student at Cardiff University. Prior to coming to Cardiff, I lived in London with both of my parents. I don’t have any siblings. Due to various reasons, my first year at university was a bit rocky, which resulted in me spending most of the year in London. Understandably, this didn’t give my parents the best opportunity to shake the empty nest syndrome they would’ve experienced when I returned to Cardiff last October. Therefore, I am constantly bombarded with phone calls at least 3/4 times (followed up with messages) from each parent, sometimes even when I am at university. Despite my increasing annoyance, I decided to humour them to prevent any trouble, hoping they would stop calling that often. To my dismay, 5 months later, they are still calling and texting multiple times per day!

Quite recently, I went to dinner with a few friends. I called my mother before I left my accommodation and told her I would drop a text when I reached the restaurant, when I left the restaurant, and again when I reached the accommodation. One would hope that this would keep her happy, but it was made very clear early into the dinner that it wasn’t when I was greeted by a text from her asking ‘how’s it going?’. I, of course, didn’t reply. I was then promptly sent another text: ‘Shyleen?’
Quite frustrated at this point, I ignored her once again. Later on in the night, 2 minutes before I reached my accommodation, I was bombarded with two consecutive phone calls, the latter of which I finally answered. We had a bit of an argument in which I made it clear that I didn’t want to be texted when I was out, especially when I had assured her when I had reached and when I would be leaving. She didn’t take that very well which ended the conversation for the night. In hindsight, I think I was a bit rude, so I do admit fault there.

Two days ago, I was embroiled in another argument with my mother and sort of with my father about the insane amount of phone calls and messages that I was receiving from them. I calmly (sort of) explained that I would appreciate not being called so often as I am a university student and therefore have things to be getting on with. This, as I’m sure you can imagine by now, didn’t go down very well and I was accused of being involved in bad company and that she wouldn’t be calling me again since I was so fascinated with the independence that came with university and have forgotten all about her and my father. The conversation, once again, abruptly ended. A few hours later, my cousin called and said she was asked by mother to find out how I was and if anything was wrong. This part I was expecting, since I can’t remember a single time where my mother has directly and genuinely asked me how I was. Cousin didn’t provide me with any advice for fear she would make things worse, though I’m not entirely sure that was even possible.

Today, after 48 hours of not speaking to each other, my mother called. This was initiated by 2 missed calls by my father and 2 missed calls by mother, all within 2 minutes. The 3rd phone call by mother I picked up. The reason I didn’t answer was because I was in the kitchen. The conversation started with her simply shouting across the phone at me for being selfish for not getting in touch with her. This was followed by her bursting into tears and putting the phone down before I could even put together a single sentence. I called her again to no avail. I imagine we are back to not speaking to each other again.

I acknowledge this post is getting long and repetitive, so I’ll stop with the saga.

So, as per the title, am I being unreasonable?

TL;DR Is it wrong of me to only want to talk to my parents once a day or once every two days whilst at university rather than multiple times a day, everyday?

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. Quite the opposite. I think if I'd been bombarded by all those texts and phone calls from my parents (well, anyone really) I'd have changed my number by now.

I find their mindset difficult to fathom. Surely they realise that you're an independent person with your own life, and won't be able to answer every text and phone call instantly? Well, apparently not.

I'm scared this is going to happen for me at university, or I just have to stay at home instead of getting to move out.

Let me start off by setting the scene…

I’m currently a university student at Cardiff University. Prior to coming to Cardiff, I lived in London with both of my parents. I don’t have any siblings. Due to various reasons, my first year at university was a bit rocky, which resulted in me spending most of the year in London. Understandably, this didn’t give my parents the best opportunity to shake the empty nest syndrome they would’ve experienced when I returned to Cardiff last October. Therefore, I am constantly bombarded with phone calls at least 3/4 times (followed up with messages) from each parent, sometimes even when I am at university. Despite my increasing annoyance, I decided to humour them to prevent any trouble, hoping they would stop calling that often. To my dismay, 5 months later, they are still calling and texting multiple times per day!

Quite recently, I went to dinner with a few friends. I called my mother before I left my accommodation and told her I would drop a text when I reached the restaurant, when I left the restaurant, and again when I reached the accommodation. One would hope that this would keep her happy, but it was made very clear early into the dinner that it wasn’t when I was greeted by a text from her asking ‘how’s it going?’. I, of course, didn’t reply. I was then promptly sent another text: ‘Shyleen?’
Quite frustrated at this point, I ignored her once again. Later on in the night, 2 minutes before I reached my accommodation, I was bombarded with two consecutive phone calls, the latter of which I finally answered. We had a bit of an argument in which I made it clear that I didn’t want to be texted when I was out, especially when I had assured her when I had reached and when I would be leaving. She didn’t take that very well which ended the conversation for the night. In hindsight, I think I was a bit rude, so I do admit fault there.

Two days ago, I was embroiled in another argument with my mother and sort of with my father about the insane amount of phone calls and messages that I was receiving from them. I calmly (sort of) explained that I would appreciate not being called so often as I am a university student and therefore have things to be getting on with. This, as I’m sure you can imagine by now, didn’t go down very well and I was accused of being involved in bad company and that she wouldn’t be calling me again since I was so fascinated with the independence that came with university and have forgotten all about her and my father. The conversation, once again, abruptly ended. A few hours later, my cousin called and said she was asked by mother to find out how I was and if anything was wrong. This part I was expecting, since I can’t remember a single time where my mother has directly and genuinely asked me how I was. Cousin didn’t provide me with any advice for fear she would make things worse, though I’m not entirely sure that was even possible.

Today, after 48 hours of not speaking to each other, my mother called. This was initiated by 2 missed calls by my father and 2 missed calls by mother, all within 2 minutes. The 3rd phone call by mother I picked up. The reason I didn’t answer was because I was in the kitchen. The conversation started with her simply shouting across the phone at me for being selfish for not getting in touch with her. This was followed by her bursting into tears and putting the phone down before I could even put together a single sentence. I called her again to no avail. I imagine we are back to not speaking to each other again.

I acknowledge this post is getting long and repetitive, so I’ll stop with the saga.

So, as per the title, am I being unreasonable?

TL;DR Is it wrong of me to only want to talk to my parents once a day or once every two days whilst at university rather than multiple times a day, everyday?

Honestly, you don't sound unreasonable at all. When my brother left for uni, he called my parents every 3-4 days and my parents are extremely overprotective people - the rate at which you guys communicate is crazy. It's understandable that you have your own schedule because of classes, living in accommodation and your own plans which means you're busy too.

I understand your parent's concern and it's great that they care about you so much, but they do need to back off. You're an adult and they should understand your situation (as mentioned previously). Moving forward it'll be good to establish rules as to when calls and texts should happen - like once in the morning and once at night - just so they know you're okay - it sounds like a lot but not as intense as the situation you mentioned. Your parents are way too overprotective and they need to understand that they should be supporting you by giving yourself time and that they need to trust you in what you do - I hope the situation improves and you have handled this better than most people tbh.

I'm scared this is going to happen for me at university, or I just have to stay at home instead of getting to move out.

All these people saying reason with your parents, not realising that with Asian parents there is no reasoning

I am Asian. Indian, specifically.

I have tried to explain the issue to my mother, but it is quite difficult when she only wants to say whatever she wants and then immediately put the phone down.

Thank you for the advice, nevertheless. I am definitely looking to move out as soon as possible. Let’s wait and see their reaction to that one.

All these people saying reason with your parents, not realising that with Asian parents there is no reasoning

All these people saying reason with your parents, not realising that with Asian parents there is no reasoning

All these people saying reason with your parents, not realising that with Asian parents there is no reasoning

So many of my Indian students have this going on. You aren't being unreasonable but honestly, I think sometimes they just need to be upset for a bit to realise their way isn't working any more. NOt ideal but that's my experience of it. Talking about it doesn't seem to work, I know that much.