Forced marriage

I wish I it was that easy and I could do it like that, I'm not allowed to go out and never by my self which is why it's so hard to leave, I don't have my own phone I'm not allowed to talk to no one I know this sounds what ever but since I left school I wasn't allowed to stay in contact with no one so I don't have no one o have no family here who would help.. Trust me these are the reasons why it's taken me so long to take any step it's so hard. What's in my head is I to leave in the middle of the night today or tomorrow but I'm really scared I'll get caught an believe me when I say I'll be killed.. Even if I go toilet in the middle of the night someone wakes up to check up on me.. Just like yesterday. I really don't know.. I tried everything I tried talking to my mum for so long I said I wanna get married to someone else and your only saying no because he's not the same caste as me and but your okay to let me marry a man who I don't wanna be with who I don't like. I'm gonna cry every second of my life.

Reply 42

Original post by MissFK

I wish I it was that easy and I could do it like that, I'm not allowed to go out and never by my self which is why it's so hard to leave, I don't have my own phone I'm not allowed to talk to no one I know this sounds what ever but since I left school I wasn't allowed to stay in contact with no one so I don't have no one o have no family here who would help.. Trust me these are the reasons why it's taken me so long to take any step it's so hard. What's in my head is I to leave in the middle of the night today or tomorrow but I'm really scared I'll get caught an believe me when I say I'll be killed.. Even if I go toilet in the middle of the night someone wakes up to check up on me.. Just like yesterday. I really don't know.. I tried everything I tried talking to my mum for so long I said I wanna get married to someone else and your only saying no because he's not the same caste as me and but your okay to let me marry a man who I don't wanna be with who I don't like. I'm gonna cry every second of my life.

Can you not just collect some personal belongings in a bag and just walk out, and keep walking until you get to a police station?
You obviously have access to a computer so PM someone on this forum with your postal address so that they can contact the police on your behalf?
Or go onto facebook and find the page for your local constabulary. Explain everything to them and ask them to come and speak to you away from your family. Tell them you fear for your life.

Otherwise, it's a life time of misery for you in marriage.

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 43

Original post by MissFK

I wish I it was that easy and I could do it like that, I'm not allowed to go out and never by my self which is why it's so hard to leave, I don't have my own phone I'm not allowed to talk to no one I know this sounds what ever but since I left school I wasn't allowed to stay in contact with no one so I don't have no one o have no family here who would help.. Trust me these are the reasons why it's taken me so long to take any step it's so hard. What's in my head is I to leave in the middle of the night today or tomorrow but I'm really scared I'll get caught an believe me when I say I'll be killed.. Even if I go toilet in the middle of the night someone wakes up to check up on me.. Just like yesterday. I really don't know.. I tried everything I tried talking to my mum for so long I said I wanna get married to someone else and your only saying no because he's not the same caste as me and but your okay to let me marry a man who I don't wanna be with who I don't like. I'm gonna cry every second of my life.

You shouldn't leave at night if you haven't got anywhere to go because a lot of helplines and even the police all become slower at night/early morning so you won't be able to get help straight away. You have access to the internet so you need to try your best to reach out to some old friends on Facebook or even the man who you wanted to marry originally - see if he's willing to help or knows anywhere you could stay. If you really can't find anyone to let you stay over, then ring the Forced Marriage Unit during daytime and keep a packed bag ready. Make them aware that you're unable to leave the house and would need them to come directly to you. Maybe even think about what time of day it's just your mum at home and when your brothers/dad aren't at home, and tell the Unit that's the best time to come.

Reply 44

I am gonna leave my house I'm just panicking a lot now.. I'm gonna leave in the next few days in the middle of the night hoping no one wakes up and hears my foot steps going down the stairs(the stairs make noise) and at night it's 10 times louder.. I'm just gonna take my hand bag and a extra pair of cloths and that's it, if someone catches me I won't have no excuse or anything to say and I know that will be my last day my brother has said if he finds out anything or if I do anything like that he wouldn't mind goin prison for 25 years.. But I'm just gonna hope no one hears and that I leave safe and once I'm out I'll call the police from phone box.

Reply 45

Original post by MissFK

I am gonna leave my house I'm just panicking a lot now.. I'm gonna leave in the next few days in the middle of the night hoping no one wakes up and hears my foot steps going down the stairs(the stairs make noise) and at night it's 10 times louder.. I'm just gonna take my hand bag and a extra pair of cloths and that's it, if someone catches me I won't have no excuse or anything to say and I know that will be my last day my brother has said if he finds out anything or if I do anything like that he wouldn't mind goin prison for 25 years.. But I'm just gonna hope no one hears and that I leave safe and once I'm out I'll call the police from phone box.

Why not just facebook your local constabulary right now?

Reply 46

I was on the phone to Forced marriage unit for about 45 minutes and I told her my story she said the police can come and escort me out the house but I know that will make situation worse.. She then said go to the police station I had to hang up the phone because I thought somebody came but she will email me and stay in touch.. She advised me to call 101 and ask them if I left would they pick me up and take me to a police station and from there to a women refugee.. So I was on the phone to the police she asked me if I can go to the local shop or library and I told her I wouldn't be allowed even on my road by my self.. She said leave your house and go somewhere safe and call the police she was so helpful and was so upset by hearing me I could tell she wants to do so much but can't figure out an option.. I had to hang up the phone because my mum came home.. I stood by the window for 2 hours so I could see someone coming. I told her I'm gonna leave and make my way to the police station that's the only option and that I don't have a safe place to go to..

Reply 47

I'm gonna take a spare phone from my house before I leave and then call the police once I'm out I'm sure they will come for help when I tell them my family gonna be searching for me and they will kill me which is not a lie, so I do think they would come out for help or I can walk on side roads and get to a police station that's near me

Reply 48

Once I've left I won't have a smartphone or anything to go on Facebook.

Reply 49

Original post by MissFK

I was on the phone to Forced marriage unit for about 45 minutes and I told her my story she said the police can come and escort me out the house but I know that will make situation worse..

Calling / Facebooking the police to save you is worse than being killed by your brothers or being forced into marriage :rolleyes:

. Then perhaps you should just marry this guy?

You've been given a wealth of information. Information that would very well save you from whatever issues you face. I'm going to stop watching this thread now because I have nothing new to say.

Reply 50

Original post by MissFK

I was on the phone to Forced marriage unit for about 45 minutes and I told her my story she said the police can come and escort me out the house but I know that will make situation worse.. She then said go to the police station I had to hang up the phone because I thought somebody came but she will email me and stay in touch.. She advised me to call 101 and ask them if I left would they pick me up and take me to a police station and from there to a women refugee.. So I was on the phone to the police she asked me if I can go to the local shop or library and I told her I wouldn't be allowed even on my road by my self.. She said leave your house and go somewhere safe and call the police she was so helpful and was so upset by hearing me I could tell she wants to do so much but can't figure out an option.. I had to hang up the phone because my mum came home.. I stood by the window for 2 hours so I could see someone coming. I told her I'm gonna leave and make my way to the police station that's the only option and that I don't have a safe place to go to..

If your mum wasn't at home then that was your opportunity to leave. As soon as you're home alone you need to leave, take some ID with you in your handbag and anything valuable that you might need and then ring up the police station or call 101. That's the safest time for you to leave when no one is there. Even if you can't get hold of a phone you can get on a bus go to a local shop and ask to use the phone, but make sure you're away from home and in a safe public place before you call them to collect you. Also if you have a laptop then it might be worth taking if you can fit it into your handbag, especially if you leave while no one is at home.

Reply 51

123moon

8

OP, You should have just been Anon.

Reply 52

When I called 101 I told them my story and the I had to go but I told them please don't ring me on this number or come at my door as it wasn't safe and would make my situation worse.. An hour after I got off the phone the police knocked on my door and they told me to come out of my house and get in the car my family was really shocked and didn't know what was happening, I went in the car they told me that the person you spoke to on the 101 call has told us everything and we are here to get you out and you can't go back in we can't let you our job doesn't allow us to do that. They told me go back in and get your valuables and come so I went in got my stuff, my mum was crying my little brothers were crying the officer didn't let me stay and talk she said go straight out of that door. I'm not sure it happened so fast and don't I'm really confused it hasn't hit me yet that I left. I don't know how this is going to end.. My mum will probably get really ill and I'll get all the blame obv

Reply 53

Original post by MissFK

When I called 101 I told them my story and the I had to go but I told them please don't ring me on this number or come at my door as it wasn't safe and would make my situation worse.. An hour after I got off the phone the police knocked on my door and they told me to come out of my house and get in the car my family was really shocked and didn't know what was happening, I went in the car they told me that the person you spoke to on the 101 call has told us everything and we are here to get you out and you can't go back in we can't let you our job doesn't allow us to do that. They told me go back in and get your valuables and come so I went in got my stuff, my mum was crying my little brothers were crying the officer didn't let me stay and talk she said go straight out of that door. I'm not sure it happened so fast and don't I'm really confused it hasn't hit me yet that I left. I don't know how this is going to end.. My mum will probably get really ill and I'll get all the blame obv

Don't blame yourself, you did it for your own safety and your mum knows exactly why you had to do it. There's no way she or your brothers will be able to force you to move in with that man now that the police are involved and the nikkah isn't even valid in the UK so you're not really even married to him.
You shouldn't feel guilty, your mum and brothers were making you suffer and they weren't being reasonable. It's your life and your future not theirs. I hope you're okay wherever you are now. You should probably delete your posts but you can PM me whenever you want to

Reply 54

Anonymous #1

Original post by MissFK

When I called 101 I told them my story and the I had to go but I told them please don't ring me on this number or come at my door as it wasn't safe and would make my situation worse.. An hour after I got off the phone the police knocked on my door and they told me to come out of my house and get in the car my family was really shocked and didn't know what was happening, I went in the car they told me that the person you spoke to on the 101 call has told us everything and we are here to get you out and you can't go back in we can't let you our job doesn't allow us to do that. They told me go back in and get your valuables and come so I went in got my stuff, my mum was crying my little brothers were crying the officer didn't let me stay and talk she said go straight out of that door. I'm not sure it happened so fast and don't I'm really confused it hasn't hit me yet that I left. I don't know how this is going to end.. My mum will probably get really ill and I'll get all the blame obv

Listen, i'm south asian not a muslim but there is a similar culture among us of arranged marriages which so much pressure that they are literally forced marriages. Don't blame yourself, you would've ruined your whole life all for a little promise that your mum made otherwise. Your mum will get around to it, all your mum seems to care about is her word and that must be kept regardless of your happiness. Stay strong!

Reply 55

Thank you to everyone who replied back to me and advised me I obviously don't need to say anything because the fact that I have been saved from a miserable life and I'm now sitting here living by my self trying to put things together and work things out slowly slowly.. Right now obviously I'm finding it very hard because I'm away from my family I miss my little brothers too much.. Sitting in a room the whole day just thinking and staring into walls.. I knew it was never gonna be easy.. But its happened now, my mum cried on the phone to me for so long and told me come back she broke that marriage and wouldn't put me through that again.. I heard my little brother cry it's just making me really weak but I know she still wouldn't accept the person I want to get married to.. But let's see what happens... Everything hasn't hit me yet because I haven't had a nervous break down yet but I know I'm close to having one.. Once again I can't obv write how much I appreciated everyone's help.. I hope all the best in return to each one of you.. Because everyone who replied was speaking as if they are my own and are really trying to help.. Xxx

Reply 56

Original post by MissFK

Thank you to everyone who replied back to me and advised me I obviously don't need to say anything because the fact that I have been saved from a miserable life and I'm now sitting here living by my self trying to put things together and work things out slowly slowly.. Right now obviously I'm finding it very hard because I'm away from my family I miss my little brothers too much.. Sitting in a room the whole day just thinking and staring into walls.. I knew it was never gonna be easy.. But its happened now, my mum cried on the phone to me for so long and told me come back she broke that marriage and wouldn't put me through that again.. I heard my little brother cry it's just making me really weak but I know she still wouldn't accept the person I want to get married to.. But let's see what happens... Everything hasn't hit me yet because I haven't had a nervous break down yet but I know I'm close to having one.. Once again I can't obv write how much I appreciated everyone's help.. I hope all the best in return to each one of you.. Because everyone who replied was speaking as if they are my own and are really trying to help.. Xxx

Hey it's so nice to know that you're safe now. You should try to move on with your life and gain some independence now before deciding to go back to your mum. She's upset now and saying she'll break it off etc but I think if you went back any time soon then they would act like none of this ever happened and become even more forceful. You need to be independent/maybe go to college or find a job and make yourself stable before deciding to ever go back because that way you won't be completely dependent on them. Hope you're feeling better now and good luck :smile:

Reply 57