Year 12s: what will be the first way you research your future options? >>

Lifelong struggle..want to do things of my own desires not other peoples

Everyone likes to say I dont care what people think. But the reality is it can affect us all if we're honest to some degree. I hate that my getting a girlfriend now seems to be(and with other people) some sort of marketplace where you are deemed valuable goods if more people are into you. Like, I hate being judged as something wrong with me for not having a GF but I know thats how many women think. It means that my getting a girlfriend now becomes about proving I'm not abnormal to women in general, in the future etc. I hate verything being cheap vulgar and public, I feel like I have less and less locus of control in my life it does..otherwise I'd just end up with resentful, cheap, and sentimental relationships. I know I'd go back to misanthropy and rage with people If I cant feel in control. So is it my problem? Am I rigt about people beig judgemental, and how I do attain the sense I'm doing it for myself and not just being a little approval tart(dont want to be seen as that) but dont want to be judged as weirdo who cant get girlfriend etc...I obviously dont want this percpetion/image thing to matter when having kids also, like i say, i dont want to need a boost to myself by doig what makes me good in others eyes, especially when it comes to a serious responsiility like kids...

How do I attain ethical selfishness, to fulfil my own truest reasons for doing things, so I can act in best accordance with my own true feelings , maintain a strong locus of my own control, and not in a reluctant, hateful, machiavellian way of trying to manipulate, stay on side etc in others views.