Unsure whether or not to kick my Dad out
This is a kind of long read i just needed to vent somewhere.
Okay my mum died about a year and a half ago due to cancer, due to how quickly it all happened she rushed out a will leaving everything to me. My dad told me he was fine with this and the majority of the time we get on okay.
However his drinking is causing more and more problems. He's a really nice guy the majority of the week then without fail at least once a week he'll get completely pissed becoming very aggressive and threatening. He's done this for as long as i can remember since i was young, he always has different excuses for it. He used to hit me and my mum but has gotten calmer in recent years.
This last year though i've really felt i can't deal with it anymore. Since i don't have to worry about him causing my mum problems anymore i'll walk out at 1am in the morning coming back once he's finally passed out/gone to bed. Then he'll apologise and we'll go back to normal repeating this. I've told him how his drinking has caused problems but he does it anyway.
The last 4 days he has been causing problems. I've been contemplating telling him to move out for the last 6 months and this weekend has convinced me i should. He has practically no money, i'm planning on telling him tomorrow he should start to look for somewhere else to live and i'll give him money to rent a place. I'm worried he could take this really badly, refuse to leave/ make my life miserable or just completely disappear.
Not sure what response i want to this really, whether anybody has had similar issues with parents or what they would do in this situation? Thanks
Okay my mum died about a year and a half ago due to cancer, due to how quickly it all happened she rushed out a will leaving everything to me. My dad told me he was fine with this and the majority of the time we get on okay.
However his drinking is causing more and more problems. He's a really nice guy the majority of the week then without fail at least once a week he'll get completely pissed becoming very aggressive and threatening. He's done this for as long as i can remember since i was young, he always has different excuses for it. He used to hit me and my mum but has gotten calmer in recent years.
This last year though i've really felt i can't deal with it anymore. Since i don't have to worry about him causing my mum problems anymore i'll walk out at 1am in the morning coming back once he's finally passed out/gone to bed. Then he'll apologise and we'll go back to normal repeating this. I've told him how his drinking has caused problems but he does it anyway.
The last 4 days he has been causing problems. I've been contemplating telling him to move out for the last 6 months and this weekend has convinced me i should. He has practically no money, i'm planning on telling him tomorrow he should start to look for somewhere else to live and i'll give him money to rent a place. I'm worried he could take this really badly, refuse to leave/ make my life miserable or just completely disappear.
Not sure what response i want to this really, whether anybody has had similar issues with parents or what they would do in this situation? Thanks
Scroll to see replies
Haven't you heard? That's not exactly how it works...
i wouldnt like to be in your situation, all i can say is speak to other family members on how to go about it, i mean members on both your mum and dads side.
Unless you mum owned 100% of the property, you can't kick him out.
Maybe you should address his actual problem rather than pushing your only remaining parent further away.
Maybe you should address his actual problem rather than pushing your only remaining parent further away.
That man raised you and provided for you. He's just lost his wife. Show some respect. It sounds to me you are just a little upset that he was shagging your mum for all them years.
*sighs*
If only family issues were that easy.
It this were my dad I'd CLEARLY see his irresponsible behaviour and heavy drinking is clearly linked to his greiving and sit and talk to him? The guy lost his wife FFS. I'd get some grief counselling for him and let him know I'm there to talk to him. When I know a parent of mine is clearly down,
I usually wait till about 1am sneak to the room and say ' Dad/Mum what's wrong tell me I'm here' you'd be amused how much he would break down and let alot out if you opened your hands up to him. My mum is a strong woman who never cries but when I go to her one on one and say 'mum talk to me I want to be here for u' she usually breaks down to me. Sometimes parents need OUR support
This is ur dad not some random flat mate irritating you.....help him, make him better, please.
If only family issues were that easy.
It this were my dad I'd CLEARLY see his irresponsible behaviour and heavy drinking is clearly linked to his greiving and sit and talk to him? The guy lost his wife FFS. I'd get some grief counselling for him and let him know I'm there to talk to him. When I know a parent of mine is clearly down,
I usually wait till about 1am sneak to the room and say ' Dad/Mum what's wrong tell me I'm here' you'd be amused how much he would break down and let alot out if you opened your hands up to him. My mum is a strong woman who never cries but when I go to her one on one and say 'mum talk to me I want to be here for u' she usually breaks down to me. Sometimes parents need OUR support
This is ur dad not some random flat mate irritating you.....help him, make him better, please.
(edited 13 years ago)
I'd say talk to a doctor, or the alcoholic/beherevement helpline for good advice.
I think the text time you mention it when he is sober, you need to sit him down and really point out that it's a serious situation and it's genuinly hurting you. Say that you won't stand it any longer and it's an actual problem for you, and then give him a timeline to stay away from drink (like say next two weeks please don't go out/do this ect). If he doesn't comply to this then there isn't much else you can do other than to ask him to leave when he's sober. He may become angry because everything has been left to you, and he may ask for money or some share in the house, which it's your choice to do.
Sorry I can't give any better advice, I've never been in the situation before. I really hope things work out for you
I think the text time you mention it when he is sober, you need to sit him down and really point out that it's a serious situation and it's genuinly hurting you. Say that you won't stand it any longer and it's an actual problem for you, and then give him a timeline to stay away from drink (like say next two weeks please don't go out/do this ect). If he doesn't comply to this then there isn't much else you can do other than to ask him to leave when he's sober. He may become angry because everything has been left to you, and he may ask for money or some share in the house, which it's your choice to do.
Sorry I can't give any better advice, I've never been in the situation before. I really hope things work out for you
What did your Dad do whilst you were growing up? Presumably he has or had a job?
You can't just kick your Dad out his own home, especially when, as you said, he has lost his Wife and has no money.
He is your Dad! He's got some issues with alcohol, but he doesn't seem like an evil person. I think kicking him out his own home would make you an evil person, to be honest.
Get him counciling and support him. He sounds perfectly reasonable when he is sober, so speak to him but we firm.
You can't just kick your Dad out his own home, especially when, as you said, he has lost his Wife and has no money.
He is your Dad! He's got some issues with alcohol, but he doesn't seem like an evil person. I think kicking him out his own home would make you an evil person, to be honest.
Get him counciling and support him. He sounds perfectly reasonable when he is sober, so speak to him but we firm.
Iv had similar problems with my dad after my mum died. Pm me if you want to chat! x
xMy mum owned the house completely, meaning i do now. She was close to kicking him out at several points due to these same issues. I've talked to him about the same issues week after week to the point where he becomes irrational and threatening so i walk out.
Also this morning he'd sobered up abit, he started to pour himself a drink and i said if you do you're going to have consider leaving, he poured it down the sink, we talk for abit, i have to go out today, come in tonight and he's pissed out of his head, so many times i've told him and it doesn't go through. He's used the same issues for years as an excuse to make me miserable.
Also this morning he'd sobered up abit, he started to pour himself a drink and i said if you do you're going to have consider leaving, he poured it down the sink, we talk for abit, i have to go out today, come in tonight and he's pissed out of his head, so many times i've told him and it doesn't go through. He's used the same issues for years as an excuse to make me miserable.
Original post by The_resurrection
That man raised you and provided for you. He's just lost his wife. Show some respect. It sounds to me you are just a little upset that he was shagging your mum for all them years.
How about you get off your high horse and show some ****ing respect?
Christ, so his wife dies and he gets to **** on his daughter for months and scrounge money?
Try and justify that to me.
Original post by BethRosee
How about you get off your high horse and show some ****ing respect?
Christ, so his wife dies and he gets to **** on his daughter for months and scrounge money?
Try and justify that to me.
Christ, so his wife dies and he gets to **** on his daughter for months and scrounge money?
Try and justify that to me.
Hi OP!
If it takes a swift back hand to keep his dinner on the table then so be it.
And I justify that by the fact he's raised you for years no doubt spending fortunes on you. You owe him.
Get as many family members as you can on both sides and try get him to join some sort of AA group? (Alcoholics Anonymous)
If you have to, as terrible as it is, bring it up that your mother hated his drinking and now that she's gone he's the only parent you have left and he should sober up and try be a good father to you, to at least try and honour her memory and you kids.
If you have to, as terrible as it is, bring it up that your mother hated his drinking and now that she's gone he's the only parent you have left and he should sober up and try be a good father to you, to at least try and honour her memory and you kids.
Original post by rodcarter
The mans wife dies, he's got a drinking problem, is dirt broke and to top it off his son wants to kick him out of his own house.
What a selfish person you are. Get the guy councelling not a ****ing council house.
What a selfish person you are. Get the guy councelling not a ****ing council house.
Did you not read OPs thread about how he would get drunk and beat him and his mum
He doesn't sound like a good husband or father to me so stop defending his actions
yeah his wife died the same one he used to beat
Original post by littleangel9914
Did you not read OPs thread about how he would get drunk and beat him and his mum
He doesn't sound like a good husband or father to me so stop defending his actions
yeah his wife died the same one he used to beat
He doesn't sound like a good husband or father to me so stop defending his actions
yeah his wife died the same one he used to beat
Yes of course I read it.
OP also said he's a good guy when sober thus getting him councelling rather than making him homeless would be the better idea.
**** you OP
(edited 13 years ago)
Quick Reply
Related discussions
- What happens if i dont get my A-level predicted grades for Rice University?
- Relationship with parents gone wrong
- Student finance with sibling already in university
- Changing my uni course
- My boyfriend won't move into the property I buy!?
- Choosing uni course
- How to handle control freak dad + nose piercing?
- Would I qualify for contextual offers?
- my boyfriend is Muslim and i'm Catholic
- Is £19 a week enough for uni?
- My step dad will not stop annoying and teasing me.
- Controlling parents
- I dont understand my Mother
- Year 2 Application Supporter passed away
- Step parent income affecting my loan
- Advice needed
- trapped
- I dont want to go to my graduation.
- Kicked off both chemistry and biology a level
- muslim girl with bf
Latest
Trending
Last reply 6 days ago
My friend might be getting extra time and i hate it.Last reply 6 days ago
Just found out about UCL stat test but can't afford to sit itLast reply 2 weeks ago
Dad keeps criticising my university degree choiceLast reply 3 weeks ago
Is this pathetic or genuinely something to be upset aboutTrending
Last reply 6 days ago
My friend might be getting extra time and i hate it.Last reply 6 days ago
Just found out about UCL stat test but can't afford to sit itLast reply 2 weeks ago
Dad keeps criticising my university degree choiceLast reply 3 weeks ago
Is this pathetic or genuinely something to be upset about
