I'm so upset!! I totally blew it!
Sorry this might be a bit long!
Right, so theres this guy (Guy A) that I'm friends with at work, get on really well, we're always having a laugh, and we go out socially with other people from work. Some people have even asked if we're dating cos of the way we act, which we always laugh about. Last summer I was seeing this other guy (Guy B) who was a totally ass, and A lent me a shoulder to cry on, not literally crying, but to have a good bitch and moan when it all ended badly.
Over the last couple of months I have come to realised that I really fancy him, and today I told him. When I say that, I mean I texted him asking if he wanted to go for a drink, just me and him. He texted back after a few hours saying "ok fair enough, its complicated you couldnt have picked a worse time lol but at some point yeah" Just what the hell am I supposed to do with that!!!! I can't believe I've wasted so much time but I was scared of scaring him off! Now I don't know what to do, I can't stop thinking about him, and now I'm really gutted.
I just really needed to get it out.
Right, so theres this guy (Guy A) that I'm friends with at work, get on really well, we're always having a laugh, and we go out socially with other people from work. Some people have even asked if we're dating cos of the way we act, which we always laugh about. Last summer I was seeing this other guy (Guy B) who was a totally ass, and A lent me a shoulder to cry on, not literally crying, but to have a good bitch and moan when it all ended badly.
Over the last couple of months I have come to realised that I really fancy him, and today I told him. When I say that, I mean I texted him asking if he wanted to go for a drink, just me and him. He texted back after a few hours saying "ok fair enough, its complicated you couldnt have picked a worse time lol but at some point yeah" Just what the hell am I supposed to do with that!!!! I can't believe I've wasted so much time but I was scared of scaring him off! Now I don't know what to do, I can't stop thinking about him, and now I'm really gutted.
I just really needed to get it out.
He didn't say no I don't see why your all worried 
Just rearrange another time where your both free.
Just rearrange another time where your both free.
Thanks to the other posters, but how long does it take to be uncomplicated!? I didn't even know there was someone else, if that's what it's all about.
That sounds awful.
Can I just ask, guyA - does he ever tell you about his relationship/s. Why is it complicated, don't you know if he's single/looking and also when you bitched about Guy B did he bitch about his Girl A/B/C?
Maybe he didn't see it as you 'asking him out' as you were mates already, I go for drinks/lunches/coffees/chippies with my female friends and don't think anything of it
You need to make sure your happiness doesn't rely on a guy. I may not be able to offer you any real advice or help to resolve this issue but I really hope you can find yourself happy alone or with Guy A-Z whichever you please. Unless there have been flirtatious hints, and intense moments of chemistry I consider a friendship to be a friendship, i'd find it difficult to exit that mode soeasily but maybe now that you've planted the seed of your attraction in his mind he'll start to see a new side of you. But tbh you should really get close and know the right 'time' to strike. Maybe i'm a pessimest but attraction and relationships are subject to manipulation, I waited ages till asking my GF out because I knew that chances were different at different times. I really got to know her and made sure that she was single, looking and not swayed by any other man at the time - had I timed it amy earlier or later I doubt she'd have given me a chance and it had gotten this far (she was notorious for rejecting guys and had been through a bad break up, she'd turned down guys better than me and I swear it was down to timing and right place/right time that I got her). Now we are madly in love and it all seems so natural, perfect and 'meant to be'
Just relax, show him all the good things about you (he might be nervous as he remembers your tendency to bitch about BFs from guyA ), don't act hung up on him and show him that yupou can be casual and independant and don't rely on relationships to make you happy. Remind him of why your gopd friends (bamter, fun, honesty, kindness, spark etc) and make sure you don't get hurt again.
I probably didn't help much but you really deserve a break after Guy A. Good luck!
Can I just ask, guyA - does he ever tell you about his relationship/s. Why is it complicated, don't you know if he's single/looking and also when you bitched about Guy B did he bitch about his Girl A/B/C?
Maybe he didn't see it as you 'asking him out' as you were mates already, I go for drinks/lunches/coffees/chippies with my female friends and don't think anything of it
You need to make sure your happiness doesn't rely on a guy. I may not be able to offer you any real advice or help to resolve this issue but I really hope you can find yourself happy alone or with Guy A-Z whichever you please. Unless there have been flirtatious hints, and intense moments of chemistry I consider a friendship to be a friendship, i'd find it difficult to exit that mode soeasily but maybe now that you've planted the seed of your attraction in his mind he'll start to see a new side of you. But tbh you should really get close and know the right 'time' to strike. Maybe i'm a pessimest but attraction and relationships are subject to manipulation, I waited ages till asking my GF out because I knew that chances were different at different times. I really got to know her and made sure that she was single, looking and not swayed by any other man at the time - had I timed it amy earlier or later I doubt she'd have given me a chance and it had gotten this far (she was notorious for rejecting guys and had been through a bad break up, she'd turned down guys better than me and I swear it was down to timing and right place/right time that I got her). Now we are madly in love and it all seems so natural, perfect and 'meant to be'
Just relax, show him all the good things about you (he might be nervous as he remembers your tendency to bitch about BFs from guyA ), don't act hung up on him and show him that yupou can be casual and independant and don't rely on relationships to make you happy. Remind him of why your gopd friends (bamter, fun, honesty, kindness, spark etc) and make sure you don't get hurt again.
I probably didn't help much but you really deserve a break after Guy A. Good luck!
(edited 13 years ago)
Get naked.
Thanks Pooo, you've got some good advice there. I don't have a clue why its complicated, thats just what he said, he's never talked about any girls, we don't normally hang out just the two of us, only when he's driving us to work. We do have chemistry, everyone says so, he's always giving me a back massage, he even once asked for a groin massage lol, I didn't by the way, but we are very flirty towards each other, so thats why I can't understand what went wrong. I really appriecate your comments about planting the seed, maybe I'll just see how things go.
Ever considered that he might just have other stuff going on and is busy? His text would appear to imply that. Don't take it personally.
Is he gay?
Original post by Anonymous
Sorry this might be a bit long!
Right, so theres this guy (Guy A) that I'm friends with at work, get on really well, we're always having a laugh, and we go out socially with other people from work. Some people have even asked if we're dating cos of the way we act, which we always laugh about. Last summer I was seeing this other guy (Guy B) who was a totally ass, and A lent me a shoulder to cry on, not literally crying, but to have a good bitch and moan when it all ended badly.
Over the last couple of months I have come to realised that I really fancy him, and today I told him. When I say that, I mean I texted him asking if he wanted to go for a drink, just me and him. He texted back after a few hours saying "ok fair enough, its complicated you couldnt have picked a worse time lol but at some point yeah" Just what the hell am I supposed to do with that!!!! I can't believe I've wasted so much time but I was scared of scaring him off! Now I don't know what to do, I can't stop thinking about him, and now I'm really gutted.
I just really needed to get it out.
Right, so theres this guy (Guy A) that I'm friends with at work, get on really well, we're always having a laugh, and we go out socially with other people from work. Some people have even asked if we're dating cos of the way we act, which we always laugh about. Last summer I was seeing this other guy (Guy B) who was a totally ass, and A lent me a shoulder to cry on, not literally crying, but to have a good bitch and moan when it all ended badly.
Over the last couple of months I have come to realised that I really fancy him, and today I told him. When I say that, I mean I texted him asking if he wanted to go for a drink, just me and him. He texted back after a few hours saying "ok fair enough, its complicated you couldnt have picked a worse time lol but at some point yeah" Just what the hell am I supposed to do with that!!!! I can't believe I've wasted so much time but I was scared of scaring him off! Now I don't know what to do, I can't stop thinking about him, and now I'm really gutted.
I just really needed to get it out.
Hmm tough one, if you could give us a transcript of both texts it might help. (feel free to PM if you're worried it might identify you)
He helped you out when you were in a bad way, but it's hard to read much into that.
If that's word for word on his text, I think 'It's complicated but yes' means he'd like to, but there is something else up. Some other relationship that either might be about to begin or might have ended, or might be neither here nor there. Or something completely different.
The wording makes it sound like he would like to, or at least would were this other thing not in the way, and would have liked to in the past. But he doesn't want to promise anything because he doesn't feel he can (and he knows exactly where this would end up going if he could)
It may sound confusing, but I think he's actually being really honest with you.
Original post by Anonymous
He texted back after a few hours saying "ok fair enough, its complicated you couldnt have picked a worse time lol but at some point yeah"
I might just be a man but nowhere in the text does it actually say or imply that there is another girl involved? How sure are you that he actually meant to say that he was in a 'complicated' relationship? Maybe he's going through a rough patch or something else is going on?
Ok my text was "Hey, wondering if you wanted to go for a drink sometime, not with everyone else like usual, I know its probably a bit out of the blue, but hey"
And his text was word for word in the first post.
As for the complicated being about a girl, thats just me being a woman lol, it probably isnt anything like that!
And his text was word for word in the first post.
As for the complicated being about a girl, thats just me being a woman lol, it probably isnt anything like that!
Original post by Anonymous
Ok my text was "Hey, wondering if you wanted to go for a drink sometime, not with everyone else like usual, I know its probably a bit out of the blue, but hey"
And his text was word for word in the first post.
As for the complicated being about a girl, thats just me being a woman lol, it probably isnt anything like that!
And his text was word for word in the first post.
As for the complicated being about a girl, thats just me being a woman lol, it probably isnt anything like that!
Hmm, nothing major I can glean from that. "It's complicated" may not even be referring to relationships at all, he may have his hands full with something or some other big event has happened in his life which means it's hard for him to find the time.
I'm afraid you can't read too much into that. He said yes, something else is up and no idea what. He may not necessarily have completely clicked that it's meant to be a date, but if he has then he wants to, but can't promise to find the time right now.
what a rude ***hole.
Well I'll see how it goes, tomorrow is the first time I'll see him since it was said, he's picking me up for work, so I guess I'll just play it cool, act like normal, like I don't have a dented ego or anything...
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