I always feel like a guest in my house

My parents are strict. Just to put it out there. My relationship with them would be much closer if they tried to take an interest in my life in things like my hobbies, my friends etc instead of what grade i go in a test or how much revision I do.
I'm not smart. I do about average when it comes to exams. Everyone could fail a test so in my mind, thats good because at least I know that everyone else is struggling and i'm not dumb but my parents have a way of making me feel dumb no matter what, even if i did better than my friends.
I just come to the point where we don't talk much about anything I like. I always feel like i have to watch what I say. My friends want to go on holiday and go to concerts but I just get upset because i feel like i can't ask them without making it into an argument or one of us getting upset. Its weird because I could be having a nice day and then my dad will say to me "Oh your watching TV? If you fail these exams I will be so angry". But its not like I'm not studying which I dont understand. I'm not going to spend 12 hours a day revising. I just hate it because they will compare me to my friends in terms of grades but the minute i say something about how long they revise, they just tell me to stop comparing. They just pick and choose and im sick of it. I'm 18 years old but they don't give me any trust

Reply 1

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Anonymous #1

My parents are strict. Just to put it out there. My relationship with them would be much closer if they tried to take an interest in my life in things like my hobbies, my friends etc instead of what grade i go in a test or how much revision I do.
I'm not smart. I do about average when it comes to exams. Everyone could fail a test so in my mind, thats good because at least I know that everyone else is struggling and i'm not dumb but my parents have a way of making me feel dumb no matter what, even if i did better than my friends.
I just come to the point where we don't talk much about anything I like. I always feel like i have to watch what I say. My friends want to go on holiday and go to concerts but I just get upset because i feel like i can't ask them without making it into an argument or one of us getting upset. Its weird because I could be having a nice day and then my dad will say to me "Oh your watching TV? If you fail these exams I will be so angry". But its not like I'm not studying which I dont understand. I'm not going to spend 12 hours a day revising. I just hate it because they will compare me to my friends in terms of grades but the minute i say something about how long they revise, they just tell me to stop comparing. They just pick and choose and im sick of it. I'm 18 years old but they don't give me any trust

When I come home, I feel like i can't totally relax because my parents are always watching. I can never show my real personality unless sadness or anger comes out. We can never have a heartfelt conversation because they simply do not care. But they care with my brother, they can talk about football, friends or jokes they saw. idk why i want to have that but I do. It just hurts because when i go round a friends house, I feel so empty and upset because i feel at home with them and their parents treat me way better when it comes to being interested.
My parents do let me go out occasionally with friends, they dont keep my cooped up indoors all the time but I just hate asking for stuff because I know i'll be hit with something passive aggressive. Recently, its been stuff like "wait until you do exams" or "wait until your exam results", but obviously that makes it harder because then I have to spend most of my time sitting alone, waiting until results day to actually start having fun

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Anonymous #1

When I come home, I feel like i can't totally relax because my parents are always watching. I can never show my real personality unless sadness or anger comes out. We can never have a heartfelt conversation because they simply do not care. But they care with my brother, they can talk about football, friends or jokes they saw. idk why i want to have that but I do. It just hurts because when i go round a friends house, I feel so empty and upset because i feel at home with them and their parents treat me way better when it comes to being interested.
My parents do let me go out occasionally with friends, they dont keep my cooped up indoors all the time but I just hate asking for stuff because I know i'll be hit with something passive aggressive. Recently, its been stuff like "wait until you do exams" or "wait until your exam results", but obviously that makes it harder because then I have to spend most of my time sitting alone, waiting until results day to actually start having fun

IDK what people could possibly say to make the situation better, its been like this since I was young but its just been bothering me more because i've put more pressure on myself to do better, i don't need theirs either. I just want the families my friends have, I don't want to feel like a guest in my own hosue