Non-Muslim boyfriend, parents emotionally blackmailing me
Hello everyone,
some of you may remember my thread from a few months ago about having a non-Muslim boyfriend. At the end of the discussion, most people agreed that telling mom and dad was the best way forward for me.
Well I waited until school went out to do it. I told them last week. And, as I had feared, they flipped out. I got called names, told I was committing a sin, what would happen to me when I died etc... My mom has been trying to coax me into leaving him, my dad won't even speak to me.
I told them everything that happened, and made it clear that I was not going to leave him. My parents have now told me that I have to choose between them and my BF; if I choose them, I have to dump him. If I choose him, I'll have to leave the home, and they'll disown me. I have until the end of the month (June) to make the decision.
I am completely torn. I love my parents and it breaks my heart to see how hurt they are, I hate the fact that they're mad at me. On the other hand, I love my BF as well. We have been together for about 2.5 years now, and I can't imagine life without him. He has moved mountains for me; it took him forever to get his family to accept me, Sikhs and Muslims don't really have the best history, they thought I was out to convert him. But they came around and consider me one of their own. His friends were pleasant, but the wider Sikh community, like the people at the temple, were much harder to convince. He stood by me and never made me feel alone.
Before anyone says "how will you reconcile your different religions", the people that read my last thread already know this, but I have no intentions of staying Muslim. I will convert to Sikhism officially to marry him, in my heart, I am no longer a Muslim anymore. I don't want to get into a debate about this, if you are curious to know why, you can read the last thread, I don't want to talk about it here.
So I need help making this decision. If I do get kicked out, I can stay with my grandma and aunt (who both met him, love him, and support us), or his family, who already see me as their future daughter-in-law, so finding a place to stay isn't the issue.
I am leaning towards being with my boyfriend. I don't want an arranged marriage, and I am not going to marry a Muslim man regardless, since I don't believe in the religion. If I stayed with my parents, I'd be expected to marry into a Muslim family, and I just can't.
I've already found a great guy, and I don't want to lose him. It's been real hard on him too to keep our relationship a secret from 90% of the people we know, but he hasn't ever complained, so I'm sure he's in this for the long haul too, and wants me to stay.
Am I making the right decision? What can I do to convince my parents? The thought of hurting them makes me cry, but I can't live my life for anyone else. I'm just really confused!
some of you may remember my thread from a few months ago about having a non-Muslim boyfriend. At the end of the discussion, most people agreed that telling mom and dad was the best way forward for me.
Well I waited until school went out to do it. I told them last week. And, as I had feared, they flipped out. I got called names, told I was committing a sin, what would happen to me when I died etc... My mom has been trying to coax me into leaving him, my dad won't even speak to me.
I told them everything that happened, and made it clear that I was not going to leave him. My parents have now told me that I have to choose between them and my BF; if I choose them, I have to dump him. If I choose him, I'll have to leave the home, and they'll disown me. I have until the end of the month (June) to make the decision.
I am completely torn. I love my parents and it breaks my heart to see how hurt they are, I hate the fact that they're mad at me. On the other hand, I love my BF as well. We have been together for about 2.5 years now, and I can't imagine life without him. He has moved mountains for me; it took him forever to get his family to accept me, Sikhs and Muslims don't really have the best history, they thought I was out to convert him. But they came around and consider me one of their own. His friends were pleasant, but the wider Sikh community, like the people at the temple, were much harder to convince. He stood by me and never made me feel alone.
Before anyone says "how will you reconcile your different religions", the people that read my last thread already know this, but I have no intentions of staying Muslim. I will convert to Sikhism officially to marry him, in my heart, I am no longer a Muslim anymore. I don't want to get into a debate about this, if you are curious to know why, you can read the last thread, I don't want to talk about it here.
So I need help making this decision. If I do get kicked out, I can stay with my grandma and aunt (who both met him, love him, and support us), or his family, who already see me as their future daughter-in-law, so finding a place to stay isn't the issue.
I am leaning towards being with my boyfriend. I don't want an arranged marriage, and I am not going to marry a Muslim man regardless, since I don't believe in the religion. If I stayed with my parents, I'd be expected to marry into a Muslim family, and I just can't.
I've already found a great guy, and I don't want to lose him. It's been real hard on him too to keep our relationship a secret from 90% of the people we know, but he hasn't ever complained, so I'm sure he's in this for the long haul too, and wants me to stay.
Am I making the right decision? What can I do to convince my parents? The thought of hurting them makes me cry, but I can't live my life for anyone else. I'm just really confused!
Scroll to see replies
Original post by Mankytoes
I dunno really about your culture, I'm white,
Looool.
@OP, I'm a muslim dude and I have to say what you are doing is a massive sin, haram and you will be punished!!!
nah j.k. i'd advise you to go for it. If you don't believe you don't believe. Your parents love you, and when you make the decision to choose him and they see how happy you are they will accept it. Just give them time.
j.k = just kidding for you dumbasses negging me.
(edited 10 years ago)
Original post by Noor90
Hello everyone,
some of you may remember my thread from a few months ago about having a non-Muslim boyfriend. At the end of the discussion, most people agreed that telling mom and dad was the best way forward for me.
Well I waited until school went out to do it. I told them last week. And, as I had feared, they flipped out. I got called names, told I was committing a sin, what would happen to me when I died etc... My mom has been trying to coax me into leaving him, my dad won't even speak to me.
I told them everything that happened, and made it clear that I was not going to leave him. My parents have now told me that I have to choose between them and my BF; if I choose them, I have to dump him. If I choose him, I'll have to leave the home, and they'll disown me. I have until the end of the month (June) to make the decision.
I am completely torn. I love my parents and it breaks my heart to see how hurt they are, I hate the fact that they're mad at me. On the other hand, I love my BF as well. We have been together for about 2.5 years now, and I can't imagine life without him. He has moved mountains for me; it took him forever to get his family to accept me, Sikhs and Muslims don't really have the best history, they thought I was out to convert him. But they came around and consider me one of their own. His friends were pleasant, but the wider Sikh community, like the people at the temple, were much harder to convince. He stood by me and never made me feel alone.
Before anyone says "how will you reconcile your different religions", the people that read my last thread already know this, but I have no intentions of staying Muslim. I will convert to Sikhism officially to marry him, in my heart, I am no longer a Muslim anymore. I don't want to get into a debate about this, if you are curious to know why, you can read the last thread, I don't want to talk about it here.
So I need help making this decision. If I do get kicked out, I can stay with my grandma and aunt (who both met him, love him, and support us), or his family, who already see me as their future daughter-in-law, so finding a place to stay isn't the issue.
I am leaning towards being with my boyfriend. I don't want an arranged marriage, and I am not going to marry a Muslim man regardless, since I don't believe in the religion. If I stayed with my parents, I'd be expected to marry into a Muslim family, and I just can't.
I've already found a great guy, and I don't want to lose him. It's been real hard on him too to keep our relationship a secret from 90% of the people we know, but he hasn't ever complained, so I'm sure he's in this for the long haul too, and wants me to stay.
Am I making the right decision? What can I do to convince my parents? The thought of hurting them makes me cry, but I can't live my life for anyone else. I'm just really confused!
some of you may remember my thread from a few months ago about having a non-Muslim boyfriend. At the end of the discussion, most people agreed that telling mom and dad was the best way forward for me.
Well I waited until school went out to do it. I told them last week. And, as I had feared, they flipped out. I got called names, told I was committing a sin, what would happen to me when I died etc... My mom has been trying to coax me into leaving him, my dad won't even speak to me.
I told them everything that happened, and made it clear that I was not going to leave him. My parents have now told me that I have to choose between them and my BF; if I choose them, I have to dump him. If I choose him, I'll have to leave the home, and they'll disown me. I have until the end of the month (June) to make the decision.
I am completely torn. I love my parents and it breaks my heart to see how hurt they are, I hate the fact that they're mad at me. On the other hand, I love my BF as well. We have been together for about 2.5 years now, and I can't imagine life without him. He has moved mountains for me; it took him forever to get his family to accept me, Sikhs and Muslims don't really have the best history, they thought I was out to convert him. But they came around and consider me one of their own. His friends were pleasant, but the wider Sikh community, like the people at the temple, were much harder to convince. He stood by me and never made me feel alone.
Before anyone says "how will you reconcile your different religions", the people that read my last thread already know this, but I have no intentions of staying Muslim. I will convert to Sikhism officially to marry him, in my heart, I am no longer a Muslim anymore. I don't want to get into a debate about this, if you are curious to know why, you can read the last thread, I don't want to talk about it here.
So I need help making this decision. If I do get kicked out, I can stay with my grandma and aunt (who both met him, love him, and support us), or his family, who already see me as their future daughter-in-law, so finding a place to stay isn't the issue.
I am leaning towards being with my boyfriend. I don't want an arranged marriage, and I am not going to marry a Muslim man regardless, since I don't believe in the religion. If I stayed with my parents, I'd be expected to marry into a Muslim family, and I just can't.
I've already found a great guy, and I don't want to lose him. It's been real hard on him too to keep our relationship a secret from 90% of the people we know, but he hasn't ever complained, so I'm sure he's in this for the long haul too, and wants me to stay.
Am I making the right decision? What can I do to convince my parents? The thought of hurting them makes me cry, but I can't live my life for anyone else. I'm just really confused!
I didn't know what to say but then you said "You're no longer Muslim in your heart and you'd convert to Sikhism" Any way, I think that alone would cause massive massive frictions between your family so might just be best going with your bf if you feel THAT strongly
Most of the Muslims I know do interracial or different religion dating as well. They're probably atheists/agnostics, say that god doesnt exist and couldnt care less if they go to hell.
But hey, do what you gotta do
But hey, do what you gotta do
(edited 10 years ago)
I know you feel guilty for upsetting your parents like this, but I think you should move out and be with your bf...and I say this as an Asian with somewhat strict parents.
You waited till SCHOOL was over and done with? I swear in the last post you said you were in UNI, almost graduated 
Something is not right here ...
Posted from TSR Mobile
Something is not right here ... Posted from TSR Mobile
you seem to have pretty much made your decision already. Have you checked with your grandma that this is ok before you commit to it? I think people on here might tell you that you are young and things with your boyfriend might not last so choosing him over your parents is stupid. However honestly I think its more about choosing freedom, if my parents would kick me out of their house because the person I wanted to be with wasn't the right religion I would seriously question how much they cared for me over how they appear to their religious community. Sure I can understand that they might be upset but the love for the child should come first and kicking them out and disowning them shows the complete opposite. If they are willing do do something so horrible I don't see why them being in your life is a positive anyway.
Of course they might be genuinely only worried you, or your soul or whatever, and this may all be a huge bluff to try and make you do what they percieve to be the right thing. You wont know that however until you call it.
Of course they might be genuinely only worried you, or your soul or whatever, and this may all be a huge bluff to try and make you do what they percieve to be the right thing. You wont know that however until you call it.
Original post by Dima-Blackburn
I know you feel guilty for upsetting your parents like this, but I think you should move out and be with your bf...and I say this as an Asian with somewhat strict parents.
Thanks
Are you from a Muslim, Sikh or Hindu family? What would your parents do if you did something like this, and how would you respond?
Different cultures are very alien sometimes. And very particular about simple things such as this.
On certain issues there can be no negotiation because rules are so strictly enforced and emphasised from an early age. It may not work trying to change minds by going about it.
Go for what makes you happy if you feel that is right. Otherwise, think a little more on it then come to an informed decision one way or another. Consider his feelings as well as your's in the long term, and regrettably that it may not work out between you two.
Don't burn bridges.
On certain issues there can be no negotiation because rules are so strictly enforced and emphasised from an early age. It may not work trying to change minds by going about it.
Go for what makes you happy if you feel that is right. Otherwise, think a little more on it then come to an informed decision one way or another. Consider his feelings as well as your's in the long term, and regrettably that it may not work out between you two.
Don't burn bridges.
Original post by Noor90
Thanks Are you from a Muslim, Sikh or Hindu family? What would your parents do if you did something like this, and how would you respond?
Are you from a Muslim, Sikh or Hindu family? What would your parents do if you did something like this, and how would you respond?I'm from a Sikh family. Obviously, I'm an atheist, and when I revealed it to my parents, they weren't happy. But unlike Islam, Sikhism doesn't have the "be a Sikh or perish" rule for salvation, so they eventually accepted my belief/lack thereof.
As for marrying outside of our Asian community, again, my parents wouldn't be the happiest in the world, but they would accept my partner eventually. However, I have lots of Muslim friends, and their parents are more strict than mine, so yeah...I can't really give any suitable advice. But as others have said, this issue is about freedom and obedience; I'd choose the former even if it meant my parents would be hurt.
Us Asians have very strict parents, but you were born as a muslim, going into a relationship itself was haram lol and you should have known that very well.
I won't say anything, it's your life and decisions, but in my opinion family comes first.
Let me just ask you something, you love your boyfriend, but how long will this love last? then what happens after? and then what how will you go back to your parents? wont they be part of your life in the future? If you convert so Sikhism a non-abrahamic religion It will be very hard for them to accept this and most likely have no contact with you.
If this guy is the right guy for you, and and at heart you aren't a muslim, then it is best to do what you think is right.
Edit: I forgot to mention, parents can't force you to marry anyone, they can help you find someone but not FORCE you, your parents have got culture and religion mixed up to completely different things.
Do some research, that's my last advice.
Best of luck to whatever decision you make, I just hope it's not the wrong one which makes you happy for a short amount of time.
I won't say anything, it's your life and decisions, but in my opinion family comes first.
Let me just ask you something, you love your boyfriend, but how long will this love last? then what happens after? and then what how will you go back to your parents? wont they be part of your life in the future? If you convert so Sikhism a non-abrahamic religion It will be very hard for them to accept this and most likely have no contact with you.
If this guy is the right guy for you, and and at heart you aren't a muslim, then it is best to do what you think is right.
Edit: I forgot to mention, parents can't force you to marry anyone, they can help you find someone but not FORCE you, your parents have got culture and religion mixed up to completely different things.
Do some research, that's my last advice.
Best of luck to whatever decision you make, I just hope it's not the wrong one which makes you happy for a short amount of time.
(edited 10 years ago)
I'll pray in passing that your boyfriend ditches you, even though it's going to happen anyway. But yeah stay extremely clever.
from the sounds of this thread her parents have created her toughest times not been with her through them. And "like all muslim parents do" is a ridiculous statement there are good and bad parents in all cultures and creeds Islam is not except from this. Shes not abandoning her parents at all they are threatening to abandon her unless she submits to living her live in there predetermined way. I'm pretty sure your religion says that "there should be no compulsion in religion" and "you can't be with a person because the religion we follow says so and how dare you think about converting we will disown you unless you do as we say" is unacceptable compulsion
(edited 10 years ago)
You're not abandoning your parents, your parents are abandoning you.
Do what you want to do and don't waste your life on a path that isn't for you.
Do what you want to do and don't waste your life on a path that isn't for you.
The hard truth is this:
Your parents will probably not accept you for a long time, maybe until you have children. Just what I've seen from experience. However, converting to Sikhism depending on how religious your parents are will probably shut the door to your relationship with them permanently.
How can parents who invested so much time and emotion into bringing you up and instilling a certain set of values in you watch you living out the rest of your life ****ting on that? It's like a massive kick in the teeth for them. It would take a lot of time and love for them to overcome that and you will have to be patient.
Considering the large number of Sikh women who marry Muslim men as well as converting to Islam, you could probably balance it up a bit, I'm sure the Sikh community will be jumping up and down with joy. I understand the conversion of Sikh women to Islam is a big issue and taboo in the community at the minute.
This has all the feels of a troll post though...
Your parents will probably not accept you for a long time, maybe until you have children. Just what I've seen from experience. However, converting to Sikhism depending on how religious your parents are will probably shut the door to your relationship with them permanently.
How can parents who invested so much time and emotion into bringing you up and instilling a certain set of values in you watch you living out the rest of your life ****ting on that? It's like a massive kick in the teeth for them. It would take a lot of time and love for them to overcome that and you will have to be patient.
Considering the large number of Sikh women who marry Muslim men as well as converting to Islam, you could probably balance it up a bit, I'm sure the Sikh community will be jumping up and down with joy. I understand the conversion of Sikh women to Islam is a big issue and taboo in the community at the minute.
This has all the feels of a troll post though...
Original post by Noor90
Hello everyone,
some of you may remember my thread from a few months ago about having a non-Muslim boyfriend. At the end of the discussion, most people agreed that telling mom and dad was the best way forward for me.
Well I waited until school went out to do it. I told them last week. And, as I had feared, they flipped out. I got called names, told I was committing a sin, what would happen to me when I died etc... My mom has been trying to coax me into leaving him, my dad won't even speak to me.
I told them everything that happened, and made it clear that I was not going to leave him. My parents have now told me that I have to choose between them and my BF; if I choose them, I have to dump him. If I choose him, I'll have to leave the home, and they'll disown me. I have until the end of the month (June) to make the decision.
I am completely torn. I love my parents and it breaks my heart to see how hurt they are, I hate the fact that they're mad at me. On the other hand, I love my BF as well. We have been together for about 2.5 years now, and I can't imagine life without him. He has moved mountains for me; it took him forever to get his family to accept me, Sikhs and Muslims don't really have the best history, they thought I was out to convert him. But they came around and consider me one of their own. His friends were pleasant, but the wider Sikh community, like the people at the temple, were much harder to convince. He stood by me and never made me feel alone.
Before anyone says "how will you reconcile your different religions", the people that read my last thread already know this, but I have no intentions of staying Muslim. I will convert to Sikhism officially to marry him, in my heart, I am no longer a Muslim anymore. I don't want to get into a debate about this, if you are curious to know why, you can read the last thread, I don't want to talk about it here.
So I need help making this decision. If I do get kicked out, I can stay with my grandma and aunt (who both met him, love him, and support us), or his family, who already see me as their future daughter-in-law, so finding a place to stay isn't the issue.
I am leaning towards being with my boyfriend. I don't want an arranged marriage, and I am not going to marry a Muslim man regardless, since I don't believe in the religion. If I stayed with my parents, I'd be expected to marry into a Muslim family, and I just can't.
I've already found a great guy, and I don't want to lose him. It's been real hard on him too to keep our relationship a secret from 90% of the people we know, but he hasn't ever complained, so I'm sure he's in this for the long haul too, and wants me to stay.
Am I making the right decision? What can I do to convince my parents? The thought of hurting them makes me cry, but I can't live my life for anyone else. I'm just really confused!
some of you may remember my thread from a few months ago about having a non-Muslim boyfriend. At the end of the discussion, most people agreed that telling mom and dad was the best way forward for me.
Well I waited until school went out to do it. I told them last week. And, as I had feared, they flipped out. I got called names, told I was committing a sin, what would happen to me when I died etc... My mom has been trying to coax me into leaving him, my dad won't even speak to me.
I told them everything that happened, and made it clear that I was not going to leave him. My parents have now told me that I have to choose between them and my BF; if I choose them, I have to dump him. If I choose him, I'll have to leave the home, and they'll disown me. I have until the end of the month (June) to make the decision.
I am completely torn. I love my parents and it breaks my heart to see how hurt they are, I hate the fact that they're mad at me. On the other hand, I love my BF as well. We have been together for about 2.5 years now, and I can't imagine life without him. He has moved mountains for me; it took him forever to get his family to accept me, Sikhs and Muslims don't really have the best history, they thought I was out to convert him. But they came around and consider me one of their own. His friends were pleasant, but the wider Sikh community, like the people at the temple, were much harder to convince. He stood by me and never made me feel alone.
Before anyone says "how will you reconcile your different religions", the people that read my last thread already know this, but I have no intentions of staying Muslim. I will convert to Sikhism officially to marry him, in my heart, I am no longer a Muslim anymore. I don't want to get into a debate about this, if you are curious to know why, you can read the last thread, I don't want to talk about it here.
So I need help making this decision. If I do get kicked out, I can stay with my grandma and aunt (who both met him, love him, and support us), or his family, who already see me as their future daughter-in-law, so finding a place to stay isn't the issue.
I am leaning towards being with my boyfriend. I don't want an arranged marriage, and I am not going to marry a Muslim man regardless, since I don't believe in the religion. If I stayed with my parents, I'd be expected to marry into a Muslim family, and I just can't.
I've already found a great guy, and I don't want to lose him. It's been real hard on him too to keep our relationship a secret from 90% of the people we know, but he hasn't ever complained, so I'm sure he's in this for the long haul too, and wants me to stay.
Am I making the right decision? What can I do to convince my parents? The thought of hurting them makes me cry, but I can't live my life for anyone else. I'm just really confused!
You've already given the answer to ur question
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