Should I consider an arranged marriage?

An arranged marriage in my culture is basically the guy’s parents approaching mine - Me and him then speak to eachother (for a couple weeks or months) and then agree/disagree to get married.

I am 25 and South Asian. I’ve always been interested in getting married some day, but I never imagined having an arranged marriage.

However, in my whole life I have never been in a relationship or genuinely liked a guy - I’ve found it difficult to meet someone that I am compatible with

Arranged marriage proposals are also few nowadays as many people have ‘love’ marriages.

The proposed guy for me is a family friends son - I’ve known of him my whole life but not really on a personal level - but just from first impressions I do not find it attractive - but hes just a normal looking guy. He is also respectful, ‘educated’, age appropriate etc.

My mum has told me to genuinely consider this as he is a respectful guy etc, but I don’t want to talk to him and then make it awkward if I say no.

I’m really stuck and don’t know what to do… I definitely want to get married, as in my culture it is a big life step - leads to moving out/having kids/travelling, all things that I wish to do.

Salaam presume you are muslim sister, if arranged marriage is the way forward then think what’s right for you if you genuinely couldn’t find that compatibility or understanding through a love marriage although you’ve not really had a connection with any guy do you think an arranged marriage found by your parents will be the way to go.

I think the reason I have not had that connection through love marriage is because I am not interested in a typical ‘relationship’, eg. always going on dates, speaking all day, having an intimate relationship- I feel guilty doing these things and so I think I have in the past actively avoided guys.

Always trust your gut instinct and listen to what your feelings are telling you.

If you are uncertain about whether going down the marriage route will be compatible with your studies/career ambitions/personality/lifestyle preferences or you have no desire to get married within the next 5 years/ever- DO NOT consider an arranged marriage.

If you feel that there is no point in you talking with that particular guy- very politely and firmly say "no thanks, I am not interested' or "he is not compatible with my dealbreakers".
But be very clear that everyone who asks you will know when you are saying NO and do not waste his time or yours.
Nor allow any relatives or family friends to emotionally blackmail/ bully you into complying with their preference for you to have an arranged marriage with someone of their choosing.

Quite a few of my friends went down the arranged marriage route as teenagers or in their early twenties.
Most have no regrets about the choice that they made 6+ years later and are happily married with children.
My own family tree is filled with centuries of arranged marriages, often to blood relatives and much older guys.
I won't be going down the marriage route and have always rejected all such overtures from both wannabe matchmakers & the relatives of guys seeking to enter into an arranged marriage.
Good luck!

I would listen to your reservations on this. It is a lot of pressure meeting someone with the expectation of marriage unless it doesn’t work out in a short period of time. If you did fancy him though it’s probably as reliable a way of finding a partner as ‘love’ marriage has a high failure rate

I already know of the guy who is being proposed to me, he lives across the street haha! We even used to play outside together as young kids, but of course haven’t for years.

From what I know, he is respectful and caring guy, hes not really my type lookswise (but Id say that he’s average looking - I’m not exactly a model either so can’t be too picky). But I know nothing about his interests, life goals etc so I don’t know whether its worth exploring

If you're not attracted to him you're just wasting your time

I know, but I guess a good personality can make someone seem more attractive?

I am however conscious of rejecting this proposal and then waiting for what I envision as the ‘right’ guy to come along - maybe I need to stop living in my head and look at the reality that I have not found him, and thus be more open to this arrangement…

leads to moving out/having kids/travelling, all things that I wish to do.

I am not interested in a typical ‘relationship’, eg. always going on dates, speaking all day, having an intimate relationship