feel so disheartened :(

hi all srry to be a buzzkill but need some serious advice. came to uni Wednesday night this is my 4th day here. i'm just so so sad. my flatmates are ok - but there are 2 'lad' kinda guys and 1 girl but she dosent want to come out and talk (foreign) so basically im only girl (im shy & timid - I have been trying to talk a lot tho). been out 3 nights but last night was just so so dull. really cant be bothered for the clubbing scene EVERY night and the constant alcohol drinking. im thinking of going back home 2night to see my parents because I miss them, I hav woken up crying today because I feel so so lonely. I know everyone says to put yourself out there and I have tried its just not going my way orhow I expected it to be. did anyone feel like this during their freshers? did it get better once the course started? seriously don't know what to expect I feel so disheartened by everything. thanks

You will meet other people on your course to be friends with, or if you join societies for calmer things you'll probably meet like-minded people (i.e I joined Film society in first year to have a chilled out film night with other film enthusiasts). Not clicking with housemates at freshers isn't the 'be all and end all', also it will die down after freshers. You're just caught up in everyone's excitement right now of partying/drinking etc. It'll get better! (See your parents if you want)

hi all srry to be a buzzkill but need some serious advice. came to uni Wednesday night this is my 4th day here. i'm just so so sad. my flatmates are ok - but there are 2 'lad' kinda guys and 1 girl but she dosent want to come out and talk (foreign) so basically im only girl (im shy & timid - I have been trying to talk a lot tho). been out 3 nights but last night was just so so dull. really cant be bothered for the clubbing scene EVERY night and the constant alcohol drinking. im thinking of going back home 2night to see my parents because I miss them, I hav woken up crying today because I feel so so lonely. I know everyone says to put yourself out there and I have tried its just not going my way orhow I expected it to be. did anyone feel like this during their freshers? did it get better once the course started? seriously don't know what to expect I feel so disheartened by everything. thanks

yes i'm thinking of joining societies but that dosent start until next week I think. yes I hope it dies down - im not totally against alcohol or anything because I will go out- just I really didn't enjoy it yday it being the 3rd night I was just so over it. will I seem anti-social if I go home for the night? I don't want to seem boring. I just wish fresher week was shorter

I'm sorry you are feeling bad. I'd put money on just about everybody having a taste of what you're feeling at some time. These things take time. If you think back to your schooldays, they probably started out much the same in year 7 and you managed then. Now, you are so much more resourceful. You didn't make your best friends in 3 days, so don't expect it to happen like that now. However, university is pretty much geared up to creating social lives (and you've only to read a few threads on here to realise that going too far in that direction brings its own problems too!) and once you get started on your course, you'll meet more like-minded people. After all, what's so unique about you that you're going to be the only person in the whole university who nobody talks to?!

Freshers at my uni lasts a fortnight, so it could be worse for you ^^
Yeah, no one lasts every night of freshers. My lot did every other day or the main events (if they fell on consecutive days), you have all year to get to know your housemates (maybe try to coax the other girl out- knock on her door and such). You might come across not as boring necessarily, maybe shy and introverted (which you said you are), if that is your worry and you want comfort why not try calling your parents to talk to them?

My daughter was feeling exactly the same as you in her first year and struggled terribly. She used to be so shy she wouldn't make eye contact with anyone. She did come home sometimes, but I think it was a mistake because it put her back to the beginning every time. In her second year she joined the rowing club and has never looked back. In fact she is cross with herself for wasting the first year being so shy and didn't feel ready to finish uni after the three years. She is envious of her sister who is doing a five year course now. What a different person she became on leaving university, a confident young woman who knows her own mind. Don't struggle alone. I am sure there must be pastoral advisers you could speak to. I bet you find you are not the only one struggling. Keep looking for a group of friends that suit you, not that suit your flatmates. Widen your search. My daughter has remained firm friends with a group of six girls and she graduated two years ago. Good luck, hope everything works out for you.

yes you're right - that's a good way of looking at it so you think that not getting along very well with flatmates is ok? I just see so many who all get along fantastic I just feel so left out and I feel likeits my fault too. I am so redy to start the course now even though I am nervous about it i'm sick of feeling lonely. thanks for your advice it really helps

I think not getting on with your flatmates is down to the roll of the dice. If you are all placed randomly, what are the odds of you making close friends with people just plucked out of a hat? Plus, they are no doubt wrestling with their own demons, whatever form that takes, and in some cases probably going a bit mad with the freedom of coming and going as they please. Whatever, they are probably not their true selves yet anyway. When I went to university, which as I'm probably older than your mum, will seem like the dark ages, I was in a flat with 8 other girls, 4 of whom I had absolutely nothing in common with and one whom avoided at all costs for fear I would kill her. It's probably fair to say a goodly percentage of them loathed me right back. The other 3 I moved in with the following year. I think that happened because 8 was a large number. If there had been only 4 of us to start with and the others had been 3 of the girls I couldn't get on with, I'd have been in the same position. However, on the course there will be lots of people like you, all wanting to make friends and a lot of them will be shy as well. Don't write off the laddish boys just yet, either. The time will come when you might need a male friend and they might also appreciate a female point of view. It'll work out. Life tends to, for most people.

Don't give up just yet. You have to leave home some time, and it's made a lot easier for you at university than at most other times of your life.

yes that's good advice thankyou. honestly I have nothing against the lad-ish people i'm just a timid girl so obviously a bigguy personality against a smaller one like mine isn't going to be the best friendship. its my fault for being the way I am. i'm going to keeptrying though to be as outgoing as I can

Try not to get too down about it.

Also are you in halls? If you are here's what you can do; try and get yourself to one of the many flat parties that I'm sure will be happening. If you don't fancy going completely alone try tagging along with the "lads" to one. I'm sure the boys aren't that bad, many people's perception of lad type boys is off. Most of them are genuinely nice guys.

Once you're there you can find other girls to mingle with, start a general conversation around what courses they're studying and which floor/flat they're staying in, where they are from etc. Then you should have some new friends!

This happened to me last year, although I was in the other position. I was lucky enough to get great flatmates but during the first few days we had a flat party and a couple of guys lived in a flat with foreign students who didn't want to go out so we basically adopted them haha.

what do you mean back to the beginning every time? I really wanna see my parents I miss them so much. I knew freshers wouldn't be the massive social experience for me as it is for lots because im the type of person I prefer sitting at a bar & talking instead of clubbing and seeing people get off with each other. I hav been scared of the prospect of uni but its the growing up and the experience that I need to grow as a person. im just so upset right now all I want to do it run home and be with my family

I mean she was just hesitant every time about going back and dwelling so much on it it got out of proportion in her mind. You are just out of your comfort zone at the moment. In a couple of months I am sure you will wonder what you were worrying so much about. Hope you settle soon.